Anyone help or advise please?

duchess67

What on earth do I do? I'll keep this brief. Been with my partner for 9 years - married for 4. Both have agreed relationship has died. He wants to go to Relate which we are going to next Monday so that Relate can help us to decide how we go forward, for example is our marriage worth saving or how do we split as painlessly as possible. I have said I want to change things and try to repair our marriage, hb not saying much, so I assume he wants it to end as he has run out of steam. We have a house with £139,000 mortgage, bought it for £190,000, due to recession, currently valued at £175,000. I can't afford to stay here as I earn around £800 a month with a part time job, have tried to find another part time job, but live in a rural area and jobs are very thin on the ground. He earns about £40,000 and says he can live in our house and pay the mortgage until things might pick up and we can sell it. First question is how on earth do I find a house to rent on my small income? I have a 17 year old son (not his) and receive a little bit of maintenance for him. How do other people do it - find somewhere to live if they only have a small income? he says he wants me to move out if we decide to split - our mortgage is £1100 a month so out of my budget! I just do not know what to do or where to turn! I know financially I will be worse off but maybe mentally better as for the past year this has been unpleasant. He also is not particularly nice to my son. Please don't be too hard on me! Thank you.

meritaten

I would suggest hun that you go to Relate and try to find out if the marriage is indeed 'dead' or in the doldrums. You were together for some years before marrying - is it perhaps that you both are not trying hard enough?
as for your OH belieiving the marraige is dead - well HE is the one who suggested Relate isnt he?
Men dont usually do that unless they have some hope the marraige can be saved?

duchess67

Thank you Mereitaten!

gonzo127

as above it doesnt sound like things will HAVE to come to a proper split, however if it does things are probably not as bad as you are thinking they could be,

as you do not have to stay in the exact area you are now and could either move to a less rural area with more job prospects or move closer to work to save on traveling costs

you will probably find you would be entitled to some benifits which would boost your income - even the possibility of housing benifit although i dont know much about this - google 'entitled to' and do the calc on that and it should give you an idea of what you might get

also rental properties do not have to be massively expensive, now having done a quick search on rightmove within 20 miles of where i live (baring in mind i live near canterbury in the south east so generally high living costs) i can find multiple 2 bedroom flats for under £400 a month - ok it sounds a lot when you are on ~£800 a month, however with the small maintenance you get and the likelyhood of some benifits you would get on top it might not be that bad, especilly since your gas electric and council tax would be lower + food bill would be lower as only feeding you and your son (can feed 2 people on £40 a week thereabouts)

ok i am not saying it would be the life style you would like or are acustomed too, but it is possible on a 'small' income

duchess67

Thank you gonzo. Need to stay local as son doing a levels - live in Gloucestershire. Son is 18 in 3 months so assume maintenance will stop.

Hovel_lady

Have a look at this website to see what benefits/tax credits you may be entitled to if you are living alone.

http://www.turn2us.org.uk/

Something else just thought of:
Is the mortgage in both your names?

duchess67

Yes mortgage in joint names. Thank you.

Caroline_a

Why couldn't your husband buy you out? Then you would at least be able to put together a deposit on a small house or flat for you and your son. At the moment you are jointly responsible for the mortgage, and if he defaults then it will impact on you too.

You also might be entitled to housing benefit for help with council tax and rent too.

Hovel_lady

duchess67 wrote: »

Yes mortgage in joint names. Thank you.

Some things to think about if you do decide to split up.

As the mortgage is in joint names you are both liable to pay it regardless of who lives there. If he doesn't pay they will chase you for the money.
You will need to decide what to do about it.
You have some equity in the house. Will half of that be yours?

Would he want to take you off the mortgage? Some lenders will do this, some not. Of course it depends on whether he can afford the mortgage alone.

The other option is to remortgage into his name alone. Again can he afford to?

Sorry if this sounds complicated. Any questions do ask. I might know the answer :rotfl:
(I'm in a similar situation with my ex at the moment and it's a pain).

duchess67

Thank you - should maybe mention - that I put in £24,000 when we bought this house, but assume I would have lost it due to recession (bought for £190,00, valued £175,000-ish). Not ure he could afford to buy me out, but he could afford the mortgage repayments - as a short term fix I would settle for this. We are both quite miserable living like this. Thank you.

VfM4meplse

Can I ask why you would want to repair your marriage having agreed that it is dead? I ask this purely because the last year has been so unpleasant, how much more can you take emotionally? Neither option seems ideal, if you split you'll alays be worried about money, if you stay together you'll be miserable. I am also more than a little concerned about your OH's attitude towards your son.

I'm normally all for the amicable solution but in this case would seek legal advice and then take him to the cleaners. What's to be lost?