Getting Your Other Half On Board

Kwaker_Knacker

Simple question really, how have/did you all manage to do it??

If the wife goes for milk and bread to the supermarket, she manages to spend £15-£20 on other stuff, whereas if I go, it's like I have blinkers on and can only see the bread aisle and the milk aisle :rotfl:

It's not just a simple case of me doing the supermarket runs as there is other spends too, just using the milk as an example.

I've tried the quiet word, the shouting on, sitting her down and looking at figures, getting her to look on here, and nothing seems to work.

So how did you manage to convince your OH that unnecessary spending needs to stop??

Thanks,

K_K

jayss

Lock up the cards and only take the cash needed for the purchases needed?

Sounds like youre volunteering to do all the shopping though

Just do online food shops?

FireWyrm

I took all the cards and they are given out for a specific purpose and a receipt is required. All hell breaks loose if something that was not on the list was purchased unless it can be justified.

Unfortunately, you can only lead a horse to water....the OH has to be on board or it doesn't work. It was a struggle, but he had his lightbulb moment when I went spare one month because he had spent £850 on 'groceries' and I showed him the calculations proving it. He decided on his own that this was the best way to handle things and that his custody of the houscard was driving us to ruin as well as my own profligate efforts.

camuk81

Yep, Cash is the best way. Thats the problem with mini shops you go in for 3 things and come out with a dozen. Very guilty of having done this myself! I like the Fire Wyrm idea! Try totting it all up! I think once you equate it to how much has been spent on non essential items she may see how much is being spent out that could go on debts

lushplus4

Have you tried asking her why she has done this when she returns from the shop? Tell her thats it's £xyz less that she can spend on clothes now (or whatever she spends on herself)
It's a bit like talking to a child really, but if shes going to behave like one so be it.

camuk81

Ok, try it this way.

My receipt for bread and milk shows a total of £3.19. That means £11.81 went on other items. Right now on Debenhams website you can get Clinque foundation for around £21.00.

This equates to two shopping trips!

Please feel free to apply any formula you want. And before you ask Boots is shut so I couldn't check no7!

JulieGeorgiana

My DH must provide recipts for everything. If he spent money I would give him the spreadsheet and ask him to find the money he just spent... I would ask him 'how are we going to pay for it... you spent it... you work it out' 10 minutes looking at my spreadsheet stopped him doing it again for 6 WHOLE MONTHS!!!

Now when he's out and about if he wants to buy extra I get a text or a call... and sometimes I say yes, sometimes I say no.

I've not needed to get upset about his spending in years now.

It's hard, I think you really have to talk a lot, about shared goals and aspirations.

You are not a jailer, she has to take responsibility for her actions... take her cards, give her cash... she runs out of money... tough! When she realises that food money went on something which could have bought her a new top/shoes/handbag/make-up etc she might change.

I once stopped my DH going shooting (his alone time) in order to pay for his overspend... That did not go down well!

camuk81

Love this Julie!

niksyg

JulieGeorgiana wrote: »

I once stopped my DH going shooting (his alone time) in order to pay for his overspend... That did not go down well!

Ha! Same here - now I just say that he can go shooting but NOT the meal afterwards...seems a fair compromise!!

sueh6

JulieGeorgiana wrote: »

My DH must provide recipts for everything. If he spent money I would give him the spreadsheet and ask him to find the money he just spent... I would ask him 'how are we going to pay for it... you spent it... you work it out' 10 minutes looking at my spreadsheet stopped him doing it again for 6 WHOLE MONTHS!!!

Now when he's out and about if he wants to buy extra I get a text or a call... and sometimes I say yes, sometimes I say no.

I've not needed to get upset about his spending in years now.

It's hard, I think you really have to talk a lot, about shared goals and aspirations.

You are not a jailer, she has to take responsibility for her actions... take her cards, give her cash... she runs out of money... tough! When she realises that food money went on something which could have bought her a new top/shoes/handbag/make-up etc she might change.

I once stopped my DH going shooting (his alone time) in order to pay for his overspend... That did not go down well!

I wish I could be as tough as you! Sadly my 'making a mess of the finances' (I earn x2 as much as he does so kept it to myself thinking I could cope) means that I now have difficulty putting my foot down. We'll be DF in 2 years time (18 months in already) but he sees me being harsh about money as ironic when the only reason we have to be tough with ourselves is because of me - what he fails to realise is that it's because of 'our' spending habits that we're in a mess all I did on my own was not tell him the full extent of the problem.

We now have a situation where I will 'cut a curant in half' rather than spend money but he continues as normal - "I'm 50 years old! Why should I have to worry about spending over £100 on a night out!" he cries - if I'm honest we could be DF far quicker than Dec 2013 if he would realise how much money is wasted

FireWyrm

It's shocking actually, how much is wasted. Over November/December, because of the Christmas period, I gave him the card, but I neglected to keep a tally. I've just reconciled and we're £1800 out on my estimate. This is because I didn't keep an eye on that months spending! So, first of the month, corrective amount into the spending diary and I'm in sync with the bank again. He still managed to spend £30 between the 1st and the 4th that I didn't authorise! Urgh! And he's relatively well trained now. It takes perseverance OP but I've found that you spend far less time going around in unproductive circles if there is only one captain steering the ship...that's the bottom line.