My ex is demanding to see my payslips?

fannyanna

clearingout wrote: »

logically, if he's unwilling to show what he's earning, then he must be up to something...

I agree with the other poster who said this is not necessarily the case.

I can understand why a PWC would think that something is being hidden when their request is denied but I can completely understand why a NRP would refuse to provide such private information (even if they’re being squeaky clean).

Ultimately if the PWC really does think that something is being hidden they can take the case to the CSA. When they continue to receive the same level of child maintenance that they did before they’ll know that the NRP wasn’t being deceptive – merely they just valued their privacy.

EclipsedMind

Post separation there is no reason for you to share any personal information with her. I personally only give an email address and mobile number for my Ex to contact me regarding our child.

Any trust issues she has are her problem and she needs to deal with it. You have moved on and rebuilt your life and she is not directly part of it only the children are and she needs to get to grips with that fact.

I have paid my Ex about 30% more than the CSA figure every month sice we split and never wavered despite having to go to court after she stopped DD from seeing me. Despite paying a decent amount she has teh same trust issues or greeed by another name and tried the csa. After being assesed and it working out less pcm she quickly closed teh case.

Contry to the belief of some on this forum many NRPs wanting their privacy is nothing to do with hiding money. My Ex is a coniving and controling person and the last thing I want is her messing up my employment.

EM

kingfisherblue

I am a PWC and would not dream of asking to see my ex's payslips - despite the fact that he was non-compliant for four and a half years and didn't pay a penny (now on DEO and arrears paid up). There are some things in life that are private. I would not expect my ex to ask to see my income details, and it works both ways.

RedSky

Its not difficult to work out someone's pay from a CSA maintenance assessment so this doesn't retain any privacy.

Unfortunately the law bases maintenance on income which sets the precedent for those making private arrangements. If either party is untrusting or cannot see beyond these rules when agreeing on what is fair then your pay will be revealed either way.

fannyanna

RedSky wrote: »

Its not difficult to work out someone's pay from a CSA maintenance assessment so this doesn't retain any privacy.

This is absolutely true but.......

Someone being able to work out roughly how much you earn by fiddling around with the CSA calculator is nowhere near as intrusive as someone demanding to see your payslip - especially when that person actually has no right to see it.

It's all a big game about who can assert more control over the other person.

RedSky

fannyanna wrote: »

It's all a big game about who can assert more control over the other person.

A destructive and spiraling game with very little to gain.

fannyanna

RedSky wrote: »

A destructive and spiraling game with very little to gain.

Yet people still do it.

yesican

golddustmedia wrote: »

Hi,
I'll fill the background in below but the summary is this:
Out of the blue my ex-wife is demanding to see my payslips which I consider to be an invasion of privacy. I've nothing to hide but it's my personal information. Am I right to refuse?


The background:
We were married for 1 year, separated in 2008 and decree absolute of our divorce was in late 2010. - All finances settled in final and full agreement through a court agreement. (we're not well off but I know she's a financial disaster waiting to happen and I want clear indemnity of her actions!).
We have 1 child who lives with my ex-wife and spends lots of time with me.
I have always paid child maintenance on time, in full and often above her entitled amount.
1 year ago I lost my job and took one at a lower salary, advising my ex the maintenance payment would reduce and why.
I live with my new partner and her child.
A few days ago - and for the first time ever - my ex collected our daughter after she spent 9 days with me during the school holiday.
Today she's demanded - among other changes to our daughters collection/drop off arrangements - that I supply payslip(s) as proof of my salary.
I have used the CSA calculator to correctly ascertain the amount to pay (£202 per month) and when in doubt rounded figures in her favour.

I do not wish to have my privacy invaded and divulge my personal finances to her on a whim - am I entitled to refuse?

I have suggested to her that I have nothing to hide and am happy to use the CSA or an alternative if she prefers - knowing I already pay the correct amount.

One consideration is that since we separated almost 4 years ago I have worked hard, saved every penny I can (including living with my parents for 18 months as she kept the house, let it out then sold it). Now jointly with my new partner we have bought a 3 bed house. The ex however spends everything on holidays, going out etc etc and struggles with money. Shes just bought a leasehold 2 bed house with her self employed partner. Having seen our new home for the first time I'm assuming she may be looking through envious eyes and questionning how we can afford it (hard work and frugal living!).

She made a large fuss about knowing who my new employer is - which I've refused to tell her on various (valid) grounds - I work at numerous locations so have no "office" to be contacted at only a mobile number or email. One fact not divulged to her as it would only deepen the curiousity is that my work requires me to sign the official secrets act and use discretion regarding my work (nothing clandestine - just information relating to the MOD and national infrastructure). As such I don't wish her to know my employers name since it will be talked about with everyone she meets. I believe it's in the best interests of my continued employment to withhold that information and cannot see it will be beneficial for her to know it.

I'm proud of my financial stability and work hard to have acheived it - I feel violated to have my ex demand to see my payslips - where next? My bank statements?

Have I got the right to withhold this information from her? I'm happy to supply this information to an independent middleman such as the CSA.

Its so sad to see that someone else is now going through what us guys went through...

My OH did exactly what you've done...the ONLY link that you have with her is your child-nothing else!.She's got some cheek!!

You have done nothing wrong by refusing to let her see your bank statements-what will be next,the contents of your freezer?????

She lost that right when you guys separated/divorced...You owe her nothing of the sort!

You have told her where to go,she's welcome to CSA or whatever means she wants-why do i get the feeling that she's not happy in her life and now,she'll do anything to ruin yours???

Its so very sad---you never know that the one person that you once loved and cherished would turn on you when the going gets ugly.....

BTW-You need to watch though that she does not come between you and your OH,my OH's ex wife nearly ruined us.

sarahjayne1977

If my hubbys ex wife asked to see pay slips she would be told where to go thats for sure!

Its terrrible when peoples eyes are green, jealously is a terrible thing. His ex wife stood at our door and questioned us how we could afford the mortgage, 2 cars with me been off work on maternity leave for the second time since feb 2010.

Since then she comes no where near this house, I will not be questioned by her. Our house, our money, our business!!
2 weeks after questioning us nice letter from CSA which suits us, she thought she was been clever and now gets a huge £10 quid extra a month. But now has to pay all the benefits back shes claimed past 4 years while telling goverment she was living alone!!

seven-day-weekend

clearingout wrote: »

From the other perspective...she sees you getting on in life and knows the lifestyle you have must cost £X. She knows you lost a job and you are saying you're being paid less than you were. Lifestyle + less salary = how on earth does that add up?!!!

I don't think you're under any moral obligation to provide your payslips (certainly not legal), nor to tell her who your employer is. But logically, why would anyone not up to something withhold that information?!

I wouldn't trust my ex to tell me the truth about his income (I have good reason for this) so I simply use the CSA. That's the option open to your ex and I suggest you tell her to use it if she doesn't trust you. It's that simple.

Because she has no right to know it and the OP does not wish her to know. I totaslly understand that. He is more than willing to let an offiicial body have the information.