My ex is demanding to see my payslips?

golddustmedia

Hi,
I'll fill the background in below but the summary is this:
Out of the blue my ex-wife is demanding to see my payslips which I consider to be an invasion of privacy. I've nothing to hide but it's my personal information. Am I right to refuse?


The background:
We were married for 1 year, separated in 2008 and decree absolute of our divorce was in late 2010. - All finances settled in final and full agreement through a court agreement. (we're not well off but I know she's a financial disaster waiting to happen and I want clear indemnity of her actions!).
We have 1 child who lives with my ex-wife and spends lots of time with me.
I have always paid child maintenance on time, in full and often above her entitled amount.
1 year ago I lost my job and took one at a lower salary, advising my ex the maintenance payment would reduce and why.
I live with my new partner and her child.
A few days ago - and for the first time ever - my ex collected our daughter after she spent 9 days with me during the school holiday.
Today she's demanded - among other changes to our daughters collection/drop off arrangements - that I supply payslip(s) as proof of my salary.
I have used the CSA calculator to correctly ascertain the amount to pay (£202 per month) and when in doubt rounded figures in her favour.

I do not wish to have my privacy invaded and divulge my personal finances to her on a whim - am I entitled to refuse?

I have suggested to her that I have nothing to hide and am happy to use the CSA or an alternative if she prefers - knowing I already pay the correct amount.

One consideration is that since we separated almost 4 years ago I have worked hard, saved every penny I can (including living with my parents for 18 months as she kept the house, let it out then sold it). Now jointly with my new partner we have bought a 3 bed house. The ex however spends everything on holidays, going out etc etc and struggles with money. Shes just bought a leasehold 2 bed house with her self employed partner. Having seen our new home for the first time I'm assuming she may be looking through envious eyes and questionning how we can afford it (hard work and frugal living!).

She made a large fuss about knowing who my new employer is - which I've refused to tell her on various (valid) grounds - I work at numerous locations so have no "office" to be contacted at only a mobile number or email. One fact not divulged to her as it would only deepen the curiousity is that my work requires me to sign the official secrets act and use discretion regarding my work (nothing clandestine - just information relating to the MOD and national infrastructure). As such I don't wish her to know my employers name since it will be talked about with everyone she meets. I believe it's in the best interests of my continued employment to withhold that information and cannot see it will be beneficial for her to know it.

I'm proud of my financial stability and work hard to have acheived it - I feel violated to have my ex demand to see my payslips - where next? My bank statements?

Have I got the right to withhold this information from her? I'm happy to supply this information to an independent middleman such as the CSA.

jojo_2012_2

She has no right to see your payslip no. Find a polite way to tell her to do one.

If she wants to go through the CSA and try and get more out of you each month then THEY will find out your wages and award her a percentage, and if you're being honest there's no problem there is there?

HappyMJ

You are entitled to refuse. You don't even have to supply it to the CSA. They'll get the information from HMRC then ask your employer to deduct the amounts directly from your wages. They won't share that information with the PWC.

golddustmedia

Thanks for the quick replies.

I thought I was losing my mind a bit when the ex sent a huge email list of demands. I guess for some people divorce is never final? (Yet it was her choice to separate as she met someone else!).

And yes there should be no problem going through the CSA - in fact it's me who's suggested it - as I know my finances are all straight.

IanManc

golddustmedia wrote: »

Have I got the right to withhold this information from her? I'm happy to supply this information to an independent middleman such as the CSA.

I think you're asking the wrong question.

The question should be: "Has she got a right to see these payslips?".

And the answer is no. Nor has she any right to know the name of your employer.

I'd simply tell her that if she wishes to involve the CSA then you'd be very happy to co-operate with them. And if she starts being awkward about contact with your child then let her know that you'd be very happy for a court to fix the arrangements if you can't agree them between you.

You seem to have worked hard to rebuild your life - don't let her undermine your enjoyment of what you have achieved.

PreludeForTimeFeelers

If she's not willing to trust you, and is demanding more money than the Csa calculator, it may be worth bearing in mind that you can also open a case yourself. The Csa would work out how much you should pay, and you would then start paying them directly (or continuing to pay your ex directly if you wanted).

clearingout

From the other perspective...she sees you getting on in life and knows the lifestyle you have must cost £X. She knows you lost a job and you are saying you're being paid less than you were. Lifestyle + less salary = how on earth does that add up?!!!

I don't think you're under any moral obligation to provide your payslips (certainly not legal), nor to tell her who your employer is. But logically, why would anyone not up to something withhold that information?!

I wouldn't trust my ex to tell me the truth about his income (I have good reason for this) so I simply use the CSA. That's the option open to your ex and I suggest you tell her to use it if she doesn't trust you. It's that simple.

romanempire

Tell her to FOAD! With a bit of luck they'll screw up her case and cause her loads of grief if she opts to use the CSA.

clearingout wrote: »

But logically, why would anyone not up to something withhold that information?!

Because you have a right to privacy. Because the ex has no rights to dictate or control you post split. I wonder if you'd have been so quick to say that if the OP had been female.

R.

Matt_Fry

golddustmedia wrote: »

Have I got the right to withhold this information from her?

Yes.

filler..

clearingout

romanempire wrote: »

Tell her to FOAD! With a bit of luck they'll screw up her case and cause her loads of grief if she opts to use the CSA.

Because you have a right to privacy. Because the ex has no rights to dictate or control you post split. I wonder if you'd have been so quick to say that if the OP had been female.

R.

I totally agree he has a right to privacy and that his ex isn't allowed to control him post-separation (nor pre-separation if it comes to it!). I don't believe at all that he should have to show his payslips - the CSA will sort it out if she feels unable to trust him. However, from the perspective of someone who feels her ex has something to hide, logically, if he's unwilling to show what he's earning, then he must be up to something...

JimmyTheWig

The ex has a right to fair contributions based on your earnings.

She has no right to see your payslips.
But she does have a right not to trust what you say.

Either...
1. She accepts what you say is true (despite apparent evidence to the contrary).
2. You prove what you say is true (by showing pay slips).
3. The two of you fail to come to an agreement (i.e. can't make either of 1 or 2 work) and go to arbatration in the form of the CSA.

Generally I feel that for the sake of the children it is best if the parents can work together and not involve the CSA. But in this case that doesn't look like happening and so it looks like that's the only way forward.

OP, do you know why your ex doesn't want the CSA involved?