Real life MMD: Should I stop age inappropriate gifts?

onesixfive

Just a thought - has anyone considered that they may be being recycled because the givers may not be able to AFFORD to buy anything??
Despite appearances, some people would rather give something inappropriate than nothing at all.
And please - don't just take this out on the sister-in-law - the brother is also the (closer) guilty party - why is it assumed the female should choose & buy all the presents - this may be her rebelling against his refusal to choose/buy for his family??

N.I.M

Either way the kid shouldnt be getting these things given to him and the givers need to be made aware of this.

ipod_killed_the_musicshop

A bit of communication wouldn't have gone amiss. If they're for later, why didn't she say something to you?

cuba2008

Ayayay - precisely what I was going to say! As for the comments "be grateful, put it away until later", sorry but I couldn't disagree more. I was always taught that it's not the gift but the thought that counts but the OP's sister in law clearly doesn't give any thought whatsoever. Let's face it - if you don't know what toy to buy a 5 month old, a nice outfit or similar (in my experience) is always welcome as babies grow so fast. I certainly wouldn't have room to store stuff for goodness knows how many years in advance and don't know anyone who does. By the time the baby is 5 or 6 years old, there will probably be some new toy out that all the children want. I would tell the sister in law thanks but you're sure she'll understand if you give the presents back to her for her children to use and that, perhaps in future, you simply buy something up to an agreed figure for your own children and each wrap the other's purchase as a gift. She surely can't object to that unless what she is really trying to tell you is that she doesn't want to continue buying presents for the children of family members.

JayD

It's a present - he will love it when he is the right age. Just make sure you know what he is being given before he gets to it and, if it is age inappropriate, just put it aside until he is old enough to enjoy it safely.

How nice to have toys you can bring out when he is ready for them at times other than Christmas and birthdays. Work with it - it is not really a difficult situation unless you make it into one.

snowleopard61

I’m afraid I think there’s only one appropriate response to an inappropriate gift: a smile and thanks. You just don’t criticise what you’ve been given, at least to the giver. Ever.

Suggesting a different system for presents within the family for the future - not just after receiving one - is a possibility, though. You could say how difficult you find it to choose suitable presents for your nephew and wondered if his parents would do so if you gave them the money – and hope they are sensitive enough to reciprocate.

At least the presents will be appropriate at some stage in the future (because they’re for a child older than your son, not younger) and sound like quite nice presents in themselves.

moomin2011

I don't think your being ungrateful at all. A 6 month age diff would be ok but to give a 5 month old a gift for a 4 year old is just not thinking. Sure if you have the room to put it away do that but i would still have a word with your brother and sister-in-law and just let them know that size and value of a gift doesn't bother you but something a little more age appropriate would be better so that their gift can be enjoyed the way they intended it to be. If you don't have the room give it back and say you'd rather your nephew got some enjoyment out of it rather than it sit gathering dust.

I understand you should be grateful for any gift but when it could pose a danger to your child you're not being ungrateful you're being a good parent.

FrenchDesigner

I have now 3 kids, the oldest being 11. I used to find rude the way British parents don't let the kids open the presents straight away at parties! Mine saw a gift, tore the wrapping apart and opened the boxes to play-best thank you to the buyer. Now I know why: Parents can pre-view and recycle easily, that's why! With so much clutter I have come to do the same thing now and again. To be honest kids have so much and usually complete plastic tat from other parents, by the 2nd/3rd child you must get rid of a lot, they won't realise one toy is missing.
As for storage, the in-laws could be sensible and store ot themselves in a cupboard at THEIR house and offer it in 3 years' time. Their timing is insensitive. Even though a 3 year-old will often find a 3+ toy babyish and boring (very true!) there is a limit they've crossed...
The solution not to hurt your nephew is to get him things 4 years or more older than he is next. (What a good idea you gave me last Christmas! He'll have time to grow into it won't he?!?) The full works of Shakespeare of other literary monument cannot do him any harm, ot that risky science toy... if they don't get the hint and talk amicably about present-giving you have the left-over wrong toys to cope with and store for the next 15 years x birthdays and Xmas.At ours, we decided after a chat to gifts children only now. And I'll only recycle to school friends not close family!
ps: keep a post-it with the name of who gifted you with it....