Is anyone having second thoughts or doubts?

petitefeet

Didn't want to read and run... hope you can make a decision and know it's right for you x

MrsDrink

This (small) post has taken me nearly 15 mins to write. Just because I'm toying in my head what would I do.

In my opinion (aged 32) your age *should be* irrelevant. You should do exactly the same now mid-30s as you would have done when you were mid-20s.

I would hate to think I was settling for anything other than the best simply because of my age.

I think (and it's this bit that I'm having an internal debate over) I'd rather wait for Mr Right even if that means meeting him at say 80 and spending my last few years living in wonderful bliss. Over settling for mediocrity in Mr Right-Now? I definitely wouldn't settle in my mid 30s. (Mid 60s maybe lol).

nickki44

and - if you settle for mr "right now" you might miss mr right, because you're not available?

mrs_B_5

Seraphina90 wrote: »

Thanks again. I have been reading through all your posts and they are very touching and helpful.

Those who say that it may be partly the transition from GF to fiancee may have a point; I do feel as if we're rushing headlong towards this fixed date (the wedding) and it makes me panic a bit. I sometimes wish that I could pause time to consider if it's the right thing to do! But then we've been together for years, surely I should *know* by now??

Also, I have a long history of over-analysing things. And the start of January usually makes me pensive and maudlin anyway, so this just be New Year blues.

To answer some of your questions:

The wedding is between 6 and 9 months away.

I would miss him if we split up, of course. I don't know what I'd do without him. We have a real laugh together and we want the same things in life. We enjoy the same things. We're 100% compatible - well, 99%. Having said that, I'm not sure if I'm scared of losing *him* or just scared of being alone. How do you know?

Oh and it may be relevant to mention my age. I'm in my mid-30s. I'm not sure if that fact is clouding the issue in my mind, but I do sometimes ask myself what I would do if I were in my mid-20s.

I guess that I'll just have to talk to him. Will keep you all posted.

White_Sapphire, thanks for your kind comment xx

This is the second time I've read this thread now, I didn't post the first time because I wasn't sure I could add to what had already been said & didn't want to put my foot in something stinky

If January normally brings a bit of a low point for you, then maybe you're right to have a think & a wait before you make any drastic decisions.

I agree with those who say that age should be irrelevant You shouldn't have to settle for second best, every woman deserves her prince charming and he's out there somewhere!

In regards to your question, 'how do you know if it's him you'd miss or just someone?' then you need to look at your life in 5 years, maybe 10 years time. Who do you see around you, is it him or is it just someone? I can't imagine my life without my husband in it. When I see myself with the children we're hoping to have, he's there & I couldn't imagine it any other way. That's how I think you can tell if you'd honestly miss him or are scared of being alone.

Keep your chin up and try not to make a decision because you're scared of what others may think, make the decision that's right for you & your life

74jax

MrsDrink wrote: »

In my opinion (aged 32) your age *should be* irrelevant. You should do exactly the same now mid-30s as you would have done when you were mid-20s.

I think (and it's this bit that I'm having an internal debate over) I'd rather wait for Mr Right even if that means meeting him at say 80 and spending my last few years living in wonderful bliss. Over settling for mediocrity in Mr Right-Now? I definitely wouldn't settle in my mid 30s. (Mid 60s maybe lol).

nickki44 wrote: »

and - if you settle for mr "right now" you might miss mr right, because you're not available?

I think these are really good thoughts.

Also if you think he is your 'Mr Right-Now' then you aren't his 'Miss-Right' either and he can move on to finding her and you to finding your Mr Right.

If the thought of him moving on to finding his 'Miss-Right' horrifies you, maybe that shows you are right for each other.

kaylee*

Sorry I can't offer any advice, but I feel the same way sometimes.
I love my fiance and we get on well with each other, but sometimes, I wish he would like more of what I like.

He is quite boring, but then again, so am I most of the times, so we get along great together

But I want to do fun things, like join a rambling group or theater group. He isn't into that, or things that I would like to try, so I am planning doing them on my own.

Then I think to myself, maybe there is a man out there, that would like the same as me, and I then feel I am with the wrong man.

It doesn't help that I am bipolar, so I keep changing my mind about allsorts.

One day I can't live without him, then next, I want to be alone.

So I don't make any snap judgements and say things I might regret to him.

White_Sapphire

kaylee* wrote: »

Sorry I can't offer any advice, but I feel the same way sometimes.
I love my fiance and we get on well with each other, but sometimes, I wish he would like more of what I like.

He is quite boring, but then again, so am I most of the times, so we get along great together

But I want to do fun things, like join a rambling group or theater group. He isn't into that, or things that I would like to try, so I am planning doing them on my own.

Then I think to myself, maybe there is a man out there, that would like the same as me, and I then feel I am with the wrong man.

It doesn't help that I am bipolar, so I keep changing my mind about allsorts.

One day I can't live without him, then next, I want to be alone.

So I don't make any snap judgements and say things I might regret to him.

I don't think that being compatible with each other is to do with liking all the same things. Of course you need to have things in common, but you're still an individual person so should be proud of doing your own thing as well. My fiance and I don't like all the same things, but what's important is that we are fully supportive of each other's individual interests and ambitions. How does your fiance react to you wanting to do these things? If he scoffs at your interests or tries to dissuade you then your worries might be justified. Otherwise, rejoice in having the freedom within the relationship to be your own person (and he his).


I have personal experience of mental health issues, and do know how this can affect how you see a relationship; if you're feeling down or numb it's very difficult to feel connected to anyone, including your partner. I genuinely hope your fiance is as understanding and supportive of this as mine is.

x

kaylee*

my fiance is lovely. He doesn't mind me going out and trying new things.
He does worry about me, but knows I have good friends and we stick together, like on a girls night out.
His only worry is other people in pubs causing trouble.

He wants me to be happy and if I go out and do things without him, he doesn't mind (I make allowances for his football - it makes him happy)

I asked him if he would come rambling and he said he might come once, to keep me happy - he said it's not really his thing though.

I do go off the wedding, as it seems such a big thing to plan.

One day I want us to run off, the other, I want family with us and the meal and big party after.

Sorry, am no good here for advice, when I can't make my own mind up!

I love him so much and we both tell each other we are lucky.