Best way to get out of a relationship

sebastianj

She has been married to an abusive husband for about 7 years. Has 3 children and coping with difficulty. Husband lives alone and has a property in some one elses name. Does not contribute to child maintenance, CSA has not done anything.

He keeps calling day & night and is abusive, have reported it to police, they have warned him but he does not seem to care. The couple are living apart for 3 years, what will any one suggest to her please?

sebastian

Errata

Change her phone number and get a divorce would be an obvious solution.

go_cat

as above and keep a log of any contact the husband has with her and keep reporting to the police

Li0nhead

only take messages from him on an answerphone. That way theres a record of the abusive comments and your not giving him the satisfaction of hearing your reaction 'live'.

sebastianj

She has changed the phone number twice but he has managed to trace her new number. Her parents have land line, every time she visits them he keeps calling that numer. Even the land line has beem changed twice and is an ex directory, yet he is persistance. He has been reported many times.

Regarding divorce, she is going to apply to the courts, as she does not have any experience, she could use some help.

sebastian

jackomdj

My ex would phone at all hours. I would not answer the phone unless it was a recognised number or the person started leaving a message on the answer machine, all my friends knew to do this.

In the end it was not until I met my new partner who answered the phone at 3am that ex stopped calling.

Also get the divorce sorted, closure for your friend and another way of showing ex it is over.

sebastianj

thanks for all your help, I think she is aware of the divorse as a closure but her husband threats has kept her away of this action. She has down loaded the forms and hopefully will submit these this year.
thank you again,
sebastian

BitterAndTwisted

Why is he being abusive, is it because she's withholding contact with his children or just because he's angry at finally being dumped?

Mad and controlling people will do almost anything to keep the pressure on, as you have discovered. I would not be answering any phones without knowing who it was beforehand. In fact I don't now, and I've never been in an abusive relationship: I just want contact with the outside world on my own terms and at my convenience.

sebastianj

Children are the reason she has put up with this marriage, she thought children should know their father. I think above every thing she had been hoping he will change. Police. social services, told her that he is a typical controlling freek and will never change.
She comes from a stable family and he comes from a back ground where women are a second class citizen and are born to serve. Even I have given up trying to help her gain her confidence back and face the realities of life. She may take some hints from the forum here,

sebastian

meritaten

Then ask her sebastian, if she really wants her children to grow up thinking women are property or the servant class? because they will if they are allowed to think their father can treat their mother this way. Ask her if she thinks women are equal to men? if she does then she needs to ensure that the children are brought up to think so too. and that means divorcing thier father and ensuring that the children dont carry on his awful mindset!

krlyr

Has she contacted somewhere like Women's Aid for advice/support?