I have zero confidence, is surgery my only option?

loopydoot

when i was pregnant i had hyperemesis gravidarum, basically i couldnt stop being sick, day in day out, eating was the last thing on my mind so I have no idea how i managed to put on four stone in weight.

After having my baby I had to have over 50 stitches, wont go into detail but I couldnt walk for 6 weeks. Because of this the last thing on my mind was losing the weight.

Fast forward to now and my stomach is a mess, if I sit down "it" hangs down onto my legs, it hangs over my clothes, I dont even have a bellybutton anymore! I am so unhappy with my stomach and it is now affecting my private life with my partner.

He is brilliant about it, it is me that is the problem, I wont do anything with the lights on and to be fair to him he deserves better than that. Put it this way, I was just out of the shower and had a towel around me, he got home from work and came in to talk to me, the towel fell down and he saw me naked for basically the first time in a long time, I was mortified and spent the best part of the next hour in tears. He told me he doesnt care and it doesnt bother him at all, like I said its me that is the problem.

I managed to loose the 4 stone that I gained, but no matter what I do my stomach will not go away. Well the big saggy flap of skin that is.

I dont really want to go down the surgery route, but at the same time I cant go on like I am, I keep getting thoughts in my head that it would be for the best if I just left my partner as he deserves someone who can give him what he wants and who is also attractive to look at, I know that is wrong of me but I cant help feeling like I do. Our relationship is fine, our private life isnt (down to me) I push him away and wont talk to him about it.

Without going into graphic detail we did use to be a lot more adventurous, but everytime he comes near me I push him away, I wont let him anywhere near my stomach at all, wont let him see me naked etc.

In a nutshell I dont feel like me, and I havent done since I had the baby, I love him to bits and wouldnt change having him for the world but my body no longer feels like my own and I dont know what to do to make it better.

Does anyone have any advice at all no matter how small?

merlot123

I don't know what to say to you to make you feel better.

As a woman myself I know how it can make you feel when your body changes due to pregnancy etc.

Have you seen your GP about this? I'm not sure if the NHS offer excess skin removal as it can be deemed cosmetic, but why not go and have a chat with him/her and see what they say.

merlot123

Lotus-eater

I can tell you exactly how your OH feels and exactly how you ought to feel, but that come in a close 2nd to how you really feel.
He loves you for what you are, he will love you no matter what, belly or no belly, it doesn't matter.
He loves YOU, get used to it, because it's true.

That is all.

runningwoman

Corset? Not a rubbish one, one of those nice Vollers one will tuck it all in. You can do stuff whilst wearing a corset, just get you back into the swing of things, see what happens then.

BitterAndTwisted

Corset or no corset (which is a fab idea btw everybody likes a bit of racy novelty) you need to talk to your partner. He already knows but you need to get it out there so you understand how much he still fancies you and how little it really matters. When we love someone we fancy them with their battle-scars and defects. We fancy them because of the scars and defects, not despite them. You'll see. Just be brave and do it. You'll feel so much better. You've already given him the most precious gift you ever could and it's taken its toll on your body. That's a beautiful thing. Honest.

BitterAndTwisted

Lotus-eater that's a lovely thing to have said and so true.

Loopydoot listen to Lotus-eater: he's man and speaketh the truth.

heretolearn_2

You do know practically every mum has one of these, right? Honestly? the gang of mums I knew when my son was at school used to call these our kangaroo pouches, lol! and a bunch of us were having a show and compare last summer as there were a couple of newish mums there ...and wow the worst one I've ever seen was a woman who'd had triplets. Good lord. But the point is, that those who spring back like Victoria Beckham (and frankly anyone who wants to look like a Belson victim just isn't right in the head) are a tiny tiny minority.
This is what happens when you have a baby. Full stop. and there isn't a lot you can do about it, as you've found out, even losing the weight you can still have the extra skin. So, it's you and practically half the planet, love. And believe me the other half of the planet that are men don't give a t***, and neither does your husband. Do you think he'd rather not have his child but have your flat stomach back? Wind back gthe clock and not bother? Because that is basically what you are thinking...and you know that's ridiculous.

Look at your baby. That's where your baby grew. What a miracle that is.

dirtysexymonkey

do you want any more kids?

if you do then the nhs (or any doctor) wont even consider you for the operation - you cant be sewn together and expect it to keep when your body expands for a baby.

but if/when you are done with having kids, then there is a chance the nhs will operate. but it depends on many things not limited to your weight loss/time passed/where you live/if youre severely depressed/the amount of loose skin/etc etc.

Ravenlady_2

Everyone I know has a element of baby pouch and crepe skin. Its part and parcel of being pregnant and becoming a mother.
My stomach? Ruined after baby #1, its collapsed around the bottom so looks like I have a bum on the bottom of my tummy and it will hang over the waistband of certain trousers.
Hence the reason why I think a Girdle is a must have item for all mums!

Person_one

50 stitches and no belly button? Do you have a lot of scarring? Is this the result of a traumatic caesarian?

If so, I think you should go to your GP and tell them that the after effects of your surgery are affecting you psychologically and damaging your relationship. I don't know if your problems are severe enough that reconstructive surgery on the NHS would be an option but counselling to come to terms with the change certainly should be if not.

If your stomach is in fact just the normal result of a pregnancy and birth, its very extreme that you're considering leaving your partner who you've just had a child with, over this one issue. Its also worrying that you say you 'haven't felt like you' since having the baby. You could be suffering some post natal depression. Going to your GP is the best option all round.

doodoot

OP, I'm another one who has battle scars from 2 pregnancies and drastic weight loss - I lost 5 1/2 stone in 6 months.

Although I'm a size 10 I have a flap of flabby skin that hangs over my knicker line - due to the above and also a badly healed sterilisation scar.

My mum had 4 pregnancies and she jokes about how she tucks her 'baby pinny' into her waistband! :eek:

If you have a tummy tuck then you will get a new belly button and a flattish tummy...BUT you will also have a scar from hip bone to hip bone.:(

(I know a lady who had one done and she only looks good when dressed).

Excuse me for being crude but no man can perform in the sack unless he finds his woman a turn-on...and yours does!