Worry about Daughter

Torndao01

Hi I have an 8 year old DD, who is very shy and fines it hard to make friends. She also has academic learning difficulties which means at school she is a couple of years behind her peers. My DD is also very kind, considerate and caring.

We have recently had to move countries (english speaking) for a few years. She only ever had 1 friend back in the UK and is not making new friends here:( We have joined the equivalent Brownies and she has swimming lessons. Its her birthday soon and we have no one to invite for her birthday:(

As she reaching that age where girls are sitting in the playground in groups chatting and dancing, where as my DD still wants to play chase and pretend school etc. At school her academic difficulties make her seem different especially as she has to have individual lessons.

I breaks my heart that she finds it so hard to make friends and I know and don't want to change her. I just wondered if anyone else had children who are the same or who have gone throught their childhood the same way. I suppose I just want some reassurance that she will still have a happy childhood even though she appears to only have her Dad and me.

She does have an older brother, but thay fight like cat and dog, also he is moving into grumpy teenage mode, so I expect he won't even talk to her soon:(

TimBear

Why don't you invite the children in her class to her party? Might be good to break the ice with games and fun rather than a classroom environment. That way you will meet some of the parents too which may help and you can arrange play dates between you or sleepovers.

I was an incredibly shy child - I didn't want to join in party games etc, and was very quiet with new people when I moved schools when I was young, but once I became familiar with someone it was much easier for me.

cavework

Being acidemically clever means nothing to 8 year olds invited to a party.. invite the whole class, get to know the Mums and Dads. Make it a party to remember and when your daughter reaches her teens , look back and laugh at how shy you thought she was ..
PS I played chase and pretend school when I was 8.. my younger sister hated me cos I was always Teacher.:rotfl:
8 is a child .. give me an eight year old who is allowed to be a child rather than an 8 year old whos Mum wants a mini me underage teenager anyday.
:A

Lucy1973

I agree with Timbear:)

kingfisherblue

I agree, invite some of the girls from her class to the party.

Also invite some of the Brownies, maybe those in her Six (small group - if the country that you are in has sixes). The Brownie leader will probably be happy to tell you who your daughter sits with, whether she joins in, etc. I am a Brownie and Rainbow leader, and we do get parents who are worried about their daughters' social skills. I'm always willing to discuss the girls' progress within my units, and to help in any way I can. Brownies is very different to school, as it is not academially based, so it is possible that your daughter is progressing better than you think.

JulieGeorgiana

My son is 9 and he still plays chase... and sometimes pretend. He just told me that it's both the girls and the boys!

I would say as other have... invite everyone and it will help her mingle!

Spendless

Is she happy? I've got a nearly 12yo son who has never mixed well or got on with his peer group. It took till yr 6 before he had friends and even now I could count them on one hand. I've also got an 8 yo girl and though she's always had friends, she's in a class that have been together the past 2/3 years and they seem to have become 'bored' with each other. 1 little sweetheart told my DD that she'd invited every girl but her to her birthday party but with both my kids it's me that gets upset and worries about it whereas they seem quite content.

gingin_2

I have a daughter who is 8 next month and she and her peer group still play families, hairdressers, teachers at play time.

As said before. write out a pile of invites to the class ( I would stick with girls at that age as boys can be VERY boisterous). My daughter goes to every party she is invited to if she is free, and she goes to a transient school, with lots of new classmates that I don't know every term - I don't know an 8 year old who doesn't love a party! I am sure you will get enough to make up good numbers and if you are worried that you don't kow the parents, just have a chat with them in the playground and be relaxed. If your daughter is caring and helpful then she sounds like the sort of friend everyone wants for their child, so as well as the party see if she mentions any names and invite them over for a play date.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

TBH, if you're worried about her not fitting in with girls, I would suggest you make a point of inviting boys, as they don't tend to lean towards sitting down and chatting or pretending to be a ballerina at playtime.

Emmarillo

My daughter is 10 (year 6) and she still comes home from school saying they've been playing chase or tag or whatever. I'm positive she still plays role playing games too sometimes. No way should an 8 year old have finished with games like that.

I agree with the others saying have the party and invite her classmates. It sometimes helps them to see other children out of the classroom.

You can't expect her to be friends with the whole class immediately but listen carefully and see if she mentions someone a few times then invite them home. Also get chatting to the other mums (or try to get one on her own!) and maybe talk to them about her having a few problems fitting in, and arrange for the girls to meet up.

I honestly do think that it's sometimes up to the parent to help things along a bit. We moved to a new area when my eldest was seven. She was very shy and we moved her from a tiny school to a much bigger one. She really struggled to find her feet, but she found a little group after a while.

Its definitely worth having a word with her teacher and brownie leader too, as they will know all the personalities and will want to help your daughter find friends.

Good luck x

Torndao01

Hi everyone, thank you for your replies, unfortunatly my DD doesn't want a party. I took her to a small Christmas Party at the school and she just sat in the corner not talking to anyone, even if someone talked to her.

I am learning to accept that she is very shy and don't want to force her into social situations she is not comfortable with. I think I really need to work on how I feel about the situation.

Like all mothers I just want to know shes happy, I have asked her, but she says is she wants to be back in the UK. Sometimes its hard to tell if she's just saying it, as a couple of days ago we went to a new friends house with a girl her age, they played for ages, lots of laughing. Only the way home I asked her if she had a good time, she just moaned about the girl and said she wanted to be a home in the UK:-(