Sister needs advice re separation

HelpMeHelpMySister

As my username suggests, I am hoping that you can help me to help my sister.

Earlier in the year her husband left her and moved out their marital home, he blamed my sisters behaviour and lack of affection; the fact that she was clinically depressed following the sudden and horrible death of our Mum was lost on him. He was only bothered about his own feelings, and believes that depression doesn't exist, so was so supportive towards her by moving out.

My sister has concentrated on getting herself well, I am soooo proud of her she is a fighter, and she hasn't stopped fighting for her marriage, even though it has all been one sided, and I admire her greatly for giving it her all.

She has come to the conclusion over the Xmas break that he is not coming home, and I am at a loss as to how I can support her now. I am talking to her and trying to bite my Tongue, but I need help with practical stuff.

Their marital home is in both names, he left in April and stopped paying anything towards the mortgage/bills etc in the summer I think, my sister has been vague on this as I think she knows that I would open my tap about him having the be financially responsible etc. Thankfully (my opinion) they haven got children so any formal separation should be quite straightforward but it's a question of where to start?? He still has access to the house and has been calling round etc mainly when my sister is in, but also when she is out, is there anything we can do about this?

Our Mum was the practical level headed one, Dad is still consumed with grief and wouldn't be able to offer any advice, Mum was also a divorcee so had been through all the emotions my sister is currently experiencing, but she isn't here

Any help would be gratefully received.

HelpMeHelpMySister
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Thanks

Emmzi

let's start by working out if either of them could afford the house alone, and if they can afford to sell it if not

how long have they been married
what assets
what debts
who put what down on the house
who paid what on the mortgage
what is the house and the outstanding mortgage now
what are the salaries
are parents/siblings willing to act as guarantors and have decent credit ratings and equity themselves


divorce should be quite simple after 2 years seperation IF they can sort the finances, and there is an arguement for getting a formal financial agreement in place now, for which she will need a solicitor.

it is probably important to make/ change her will, review life policy beneficiaires including death in service awards from work, unless she wants him to get everything.

BitterAndTwisted

As long as the husband is the co-owner your sister cannot prevent him from entering his own home, even though he chooses not to live there any longer. He is also jointly responsible for the mortgage payments even though he may be paying rent elsewhere.

Often the most urgent attention should be paid to getting any joint-bank accounts closed in case the other party decides to clean it out or put it into overdraft.

HelpMeHelpMySister

let's start by working out if either of them could afford the house alone, and if they can afford to sell it if not

how long have they been married 4 years
what assets 3 cars, house and contents, shares in family business. Savings
what debts credit cards (1 each less than £500 on them)
who put what down on the house - 100% mortgage back in the day
who paid what on the mortgage - 50/50 split until he moved out
what is the house and the outstanding mortgage now House value £185-190,000, mortgage £152,000
what are the salaries Sister £48,000 Husband £21,000
are parents/siblings willing to act as guarantors and have decent credit ratings and equity themselves - probably

BitterAndTwisted

Everything is likely to be split 50/5, so they're likely to get out with fifteen grand each less the cost of selling if selling is what's going to happen. On her salary she should be able to get a mortgage in her own name and pay him his share. It's that shares in the family business which could get a bit sticky. In her position I would do everything in my power to keep it all as amicable as possible .

Emmzi

hmm. ok, so sis is a little shy of making the mortgage on 3 x salary but not a million miles off. Loan to value about 82% so probably doable. No other debts is very good news. Not sure how she finds £20k to buy him out though but I'd reckon it's well worth it to be shot. To him it's a years salary tax free so I would expect him to say yes.

Family business is BAD news, not sure how you seperate that - are the shares worth anything? Do they both own them? Technically it's an asset of the marriage and 4 years is a little too long to call it a "short" marriage (wherein the aim is to put them back to where they began.) So depending whose family, that family may want to buy out the shares. More money I am afraid. But the eternal question, "What is it worth to pay to be shot of him forever?"

I'd start with seeing a solicitor to formalise the seperation and put a "stop date" on the finances - any extra debt he runs up from now on would be is, and you def. want to do it while house prices are depressed.

HelpMeHelpMySister

Fortunately I am sure our Dad would be willing to help her financially with the buy out if that is what she wanted to do. No sure if I would want to stay in may marital home TBH.

Family business is his family business, all shrouded in mystery as is a lot of things about his family - I am seeing my sister tomorrow and will see what else I can glean.

Thanks

HelpMeHelpMySister

Sister has said that the shares are 10% in a dormant business but this business has land which is going through the motions of getting planning consent.

She doesn't really want the marriage to end, but it cannot be reconciled if there is only 50% of the partnership doing the graft!

mum2one

if there going through planning permission and that is granted, then the value of the such land could double or even triple, I would suggest getting legal advice on that one.
Long shot, but on her house insurance (buildings or contents) has she got legal cover, they may be able to advice. if not ring some local solicitors and ask if they do a free 30 min intro session and have the info with you, that 30mins flies by, the more info you have to hand the less time be spent finding info etc.

xx

Emmzi

frankly I'd trade the shares for the equity in the house and keep it all nice and clean. she may lose some cash but TBH it was never hers to begin with and it gives a clean break. Then she doesn't need to find 20k either.

HelpMeHelpMySister

Thanks for al the advice so far, another thing is when he over out he also took loads of furniture with him, basically took sofa, wardrobe, chest of drawers plus other stuff, my hubby and I found my sister sobbing in the living room sat on a cushion which he had left, presumably she needs to make a list of what he took as these will be classed as joint property?

I think my sister let him 'have his head' in the vain hope that he would come back to her, which hasn't proved to be the case.

I am interested in the comment about 2 years separation, does that mean that can't divorce until they have been apart for 2 years or does 2 years make the process more straightforward?? Presumably the advice about finances still stands and they can get a legal agreement drawn up without having to formalise a divorce? It's the last thing my sister wants but I don't see how they can come back from this when her husband seems totally emotionally divorced from it all already.

Sorry if some of my queries are obvious, it's unchartered territory for me......

Many thanks

HMHMS
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