My Dad died Friday and . .

melymay

It has been the elephant in the room all over Christmas.

We had a very traumatic day on Friday and I think that as we can't do any organising until Wednesday the general decision has been to put it to one side for a few days.

I have a feeling that all the keeping it in is going to have a bad effect on all of us (Mum, brother, Sister etc) over the New Year as we are not going to be able to hold the funeral til then . . any advise on how to deal with all the emotions until the 'Day', and not try and force others to deal with things until they are ready ?

Thanks

MM

VfM4meplse

(((Huge hugs)))

JCS1

My Dad died on an August Bank Holiday weekend, so with the bank holiday, delay for postmortem, etc, it was 2 weeks before the funeral.

Take each day as it comes, look after yourself and your family. We all grieve in different ways, so take your lead from others.

Thinking of you.

ziggles50

Hi Melymay.
Sorry to hear about your loss.
My mum died a few years ago (not at christmas) but unlike where i'm originally from where we bury in about 3 days and people are gathered around you for the whole time- we had to wait a week. I found it hard to 'act normal' but my dad said we didn't have to- just do your thing. No-one can tell you how to grieve. And i believe you shoudn't keep it in at all. Sometimes peoploe are trying to be strong because others around them are not in pieces (even though they want to).
Pleae speak to your family so you can help each other through this.
(((hugs too)))

NuttyFaggot

I am useless advice. What I did, was keep thinking I was taking care of my husband, everything I did, everything I thought was all about him, not anyone else. It didn't matter about time, it was about getting it right for him, what he would have wanted. So with the Xmas period, you have a little more time to plan/think about what your dad would have wanted. Think of the positives time has given you, even though it is pigging hard xx

merlin68

My dad died on thursday, we had an awful time, trying to act normal for the kids. We can't register his death till wednesday and are seeing the funeral directors on friday.

nanto3girls

So sorry to hear about your sad losses melmay and merlin 68.

ognum

It is really important you look after yourselves mentally and physically. Please do talk, talk to you children too, they will know something is going on, will know you are upset ans will need you to sit down and talk to them about how you are feeling and how it is completely normal to be upset and sad

In this country we have stiff upper lip but in the end it will not help. People greive in many ways, some cry, some dash about,some become quiet, some need to be with people others need two be alone. There is no right or wrong but you do need to talk about what is going on. It is very scary for children if you don't.

There are good organisations for people who are bereaved to help them through and they help children as well as adults. One I know well is CRUSE and they have a website if you google.

I am sorry for you loss and hope you can find strength in each other.

NuttyFaggot

Oh bloody hell, Melymay and Merlin68, it seems insignificant sending you cyber hugs because you can't feel them, but they are there for you both xx

meritaten

I am so sorry hun.
My OHs uncle died on christmas eve a good few years ago - and it was awful. He wasnt married so it was up to my MIL to arrange things - but of course everything was closed except the local funeral directors. They were wonderful, gave excellent advice and were a real support.
The family grieved but realised the youngest kids didnt understand and put aside thier feelings for when the kids werent around.
I grieved too, as I lived with the uncle when OH and I were first married and was very fond of him. I realised that this time of year is so special for the children that MY feelings had to be put on hold, and we took the funeral directors advice and arranged the funeral for when the kids were back at school. The kids had thier christmas and only then did we tell them - I am glad we did that - as looking back, uncle would have been the last person to spoil thier christmas.

melymay

Thanks all, My brother has a son, my sister 3 kids and I live on my own at the mo . .

I would have rather dealt with the whole thing this weekend but after speaking to my lovley Mum we didn't want to have Christmas as a sad time for the children . .

I understand that there was nothing we could do so putting off the inevitable was expected . .

It's just the the thought that with a possible postmortem, etc it's going to be 'next year' before the funeral . .

Just want it to be organised and dealt with !!

Thanks again for all your wishes

MM