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Time to change my life
Comments
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Deep in,
Well done on doing what you are doing, you are taking responsibility which deserves a massive pat on the back, I just wondered if your bi polar worker could access some play/ activity groups for your daughter. Although she is not your carer, she seems to be a very astute young girl who might benefit from some time with other children who support parents. She sounds a credit to you
Having had cancer I know the fears and worries that have made living normally harder than usual but that is without having the extra mood swings etc that a bi polar diagnosis makes. I think you have done so well with having had your meds either messed with or coping without them through no fault of your own.
Its hard to do when you see so much that needs doing in the house but trying to do such big lists of housework is not going to make you feel any better when for whatever reason you do not get everything done... so how about having a more manageable list. One that will not tire you out completely and will allow time for you to do something nice with your daughter, a walk or a play in the park.
Hope the school has sorted the bullying out... bless her.
Remember one thing.......... unless you tell people how you are feeling they will not be able to support you. Use the support from GA. Be prepared that not everyone can help or support (I have found that out myself lately and it hurt deeply) so if family or some friends can not or will not be there for you, there are others that will. I'm going to subscribe x0 -
Thank you gina I know my daughter needs people her own age funnily enough the ones who were bullying her have been round and appologised to her today and she decided she wanted to go to the park with them and others that she gets on really well with.
It is so weird being in the house on my own don't get enough of that and have been baking and knitting things I both enjoy and relaxes me. Made some stuff for dd for school next week she now has a load of snacks for her to take. I nearly cried when the doctor gave me the list but if I have something to concentrate on I become very one minded and focused just wish I could do that with money.
My support workers been round and helped me clean and tidy the kitchen, livingroom and dd's room so feeling so much better its weird I can't always see what others see but when someone points it out I feel a little stupid but I guess my judgement gets clouded. It took all of 15 minutes to tidy the livingroom but felt like a huge mountain to me. I have a meeting on Monday for people with mental health which my support worker said would benefit me and dd as they help with benefits and alsorts there.
I am so proud of dd she is the best I could wish for my rock and best friend all rolled into one and we make such a good team sometimes I worry at night when its quiet what I will do when she leaves home and how I will cope so really for her sake I need to get better I don't want her worrying about me all her life.water £82.00 Totally Paid June 2012, vanquis £290.00 Totally Paid July 2012, e.on £300.00 £189.00 Paid Sep 2012, Scott and co. £989 £918 Paid Oct 2012, s/p £400.00 £295 Dec 2012, o/d £2,000.00 Dec 2012, rent £1,600.00 Jan 2013, mum £1,500.00 £1,400.00 Feb 2013
£6,402
Second purse #64 £2.30/£2200 -
Been to the meeting and it was good met a few people there one other with bi polar and we clicked it was good she has very similar back ground to me. OK time for heart time as I don't have anyone else a lot of the reason I am the way i am is I was raped by my father from the age of 6 until I was 11 I was also beaten badly all through this my mum knew about the beatings and at the time she felt powerless to get us out but did go to the police when I was 11. My dad went to court but got away with it he was at one point looking at 12 years in broadmoore but was let off with it all as his solictor told us kids to sit at the back of the court and after hearing the opening statements we couldnt give evidence our case collapsed even at that age I knew too much. After that I watched my brother take drugs and nearly kill himself on numerous occassions and my other brother mentally abused me and mentally abused dd. the cycle has finally broken there will be no more abuse in my life ever. I guess a lot of my life is lived through the past and I find it hard to move on. I lost 6 children before dd came along and each time a little more of me died. I can't forgive my mum for not getting us out sooner I just can't as the first time dd's dad hit me I was made homeless and left with nothing but would never consider going back not for a second noone does that to my child and gets away with it.
Now where do I stand I'm petrified of men as thats the only way to protect me and dd but also so sick of being lonely and on my own even the cats female can't stand to be around men yet I work with hundreds of them a day but would never consider being with one again never. So that's me warts and all I guess I was told today to get everything out and there you are its out once and for all. So maybe not all of its bi polar but my life or lack of living I guess when your looked at as though your a freak I guess you begin to believe it and its hard to realise your worth morewater £82.00 Totally Paid June 2012, vanquis £290.00 Totally Paid July 2012, e.on £300.00 £189.00 Paid Sep 2012, Scott and co. £989 £918 Paid Oct 2012, s/p £400.00 £295 Dec 2012, o/d £2,000.00 Dec 2012, rent £1,600.00 Jan 2013, mum £1,500.00 £1,400.00 Feb 2013
£6,402
Second purse #64 £2.30/£2200 -
A good day today stuck to my budget and only bought petrol so doing well so far going to take one day at a time and try and chill. Had the busiest day ever at work and have a headache through lack of food and drinks so not great but at least it went quick lol. dds new diet going well and can see a huge difference in her skin so pleased thats going well. Plan for now is to pay my debts off and save for camping.water £82.00 Totally Paid June 2012, vanquis £290.00 Totally Paid July 2012, e.on £300.00 £189.00 Paid Sep 2012, Scott and co. £989 £918 Paid Oct 2012, s/p £400.00 £295 Dec 2012, o/d £2,000.00 Dec 2012, rent £1,600.00 Jan 2013, mum £1,500.00 £1,400.00 Feb 2013
£6,402
Second purse #64 £2.30/£2200 -
Bought the weekly shop today only spent £29 so not so bad also had to pay dd's school trip so another £6 paid out but I am sticking to the budget and being good. Going out for a proper night out next week end can't wait not been out for ages and need to let my hair down. I also need to get a dress for my friends wedding and considering I am not at all girly not a clue what to buy will have to try some stuff on and hope for the best lol.water £82.00 Totally Paid June 2012, vanquis £290.00 Totally Paid July 2012, e.on £300.00 £189.00 Paid Sep 2012, Scott and co. £989 £918 Paid Oct 2012, s/p £400.00 £295 Dec 2012, o/d £2,000.00 Dec 2012, rent £1,600.00 Jan 2013, mum £1,500.00 £1,400.00 Feb 2013
£6,402
Second purse #64 £2.30/£2200 -
Not been on for a bit as had loads of overtime which has wiped out my energy totally but going to put that towards my debt :T
I'm doing OK at the moment the only blip is dd getting holes in her school trousers so had to buy two new pairs which was £9 that had to come out of the food budget but that's not so bad as I still don't need much in apart from basics. Had a birthday prezzie to buy as well so total food for last night was £32 which for me is very frugal. £9 on trousers and £7 on a present so really not much on food. The neighbor swapped me a load of potatoes for carrots as my glut still isn't going down so won't have to buy those for a month at least. I guess we will have potatoes and carrot with every meal lol I have made a dd friendly carrot cake though which she loves so there's another thing I can make for her which costs pennies. Well Friday is finally here and I am having the world biggest lie in tomorrow
think I need it water £82.00 Totally Paid June 2012, vanquis £290.00 Totally Paid July 2012, e.on £300.00 £189.00 Paid Sep 2012, Scott and co. £989 £918 Paid Oct 2012, s/p £400.00 £295 Dec 2012, o/d £2,000.00 Dec 2012, rent £1,600.00 Jan 2013, mum £1,500.00 £1,400.00 Feb 2013
£6,402
Second purse #64 £2.30/£2200 -
Hey Deep In, I'm sorry for all you have had to go through in your life. You sound so brave and you are doing your best to beat your gambling addiction and battle your debt so well done ! x0
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Doing really well this week I only spent £6.59 on food as I had a £5 voucher for Morrisons and am determined to use all the stuff in my cupboards and freezer as they are both fit for bursting. Had a NSD sunday as I was working as its double time so should have a good wage coming in a week on Wednesday. I have changed my hours to 6 til 2.30 as I will will get half of the day free and going to start my allotment properly it gives me a hour at home before dd gets back. Things are finally slotting into placewater £82.00 Totally Paid June 2012, vanquis £290.00 Totally Paid July 2012, e.on £300.00 £189.00 Paid Sep 2012, Scott and co. £989 £918 Paid Oct 2012, s/p £400.00 £295 Dec 2012, o/d £2,000.00 Dec 2012, rent £1,600.00 Jan 2013, mum £1,500.00 £1,400.00 Feb 2013
£6,402
Second purse #64 £2.30/£2200 -
Went to asda to do a big shop for the month last night and in my trolley there were a load of reciepts looks like someone had cleared out their purse so I picked them up and have just price gaurenteed them and they have are worth £12.56 in vouchers now a little moral dilema do I use these towards my next shop or is it stealing lol not really sure to be fair and not sure if others do the same thing. Well my arguement is they were just throw as rubbish well going to think about it before next week lolwater £82.00 Totally Paid June 2012, vanquis £290.00 Totally Paid July 2012, e.on £300.00 £189.00 Paid Sep 2012, Scott and co. £989 £918 Paid Oct 2012, s/p £400.00 £295 Dec 2012, o/d £2,000.00 Dec 2012, rent £1,600.00 Jan 2013, mum £1,500.00 £1,400.00 Feb 2013
£6,402
Second purse #64 £2.30/£2200 -
Hi there I have just read through your diary you've had a hard time but seem to be on the right track I wish u the best of luck I'll subscribe and look forward to seeing how u get on
As for the asda receipts I've read on here alot of people do this so wouldn't say it was stealing obviously that person didn't want the voucher makes no difference to asda whether they use it or u do, the only thing which would concern me is if you did it to often it might flag up on there system that u do a massive amount of shopping lol maybe that's the reason you have to put in your name and address
Anyway enough rambling take care and have a good day ***** on the road to debt freedom *****
Baby girl due September 20130
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