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Time to change my life
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Just been to Mr T and got my mum a box of thornton chocolates for mothers day as they were half price so only £6 spent and they had card for 59p so bought one of those too. Usually spend £20 on birthdays and other occasions but going to be more frugal and mum loves her chocs so she will be happy lol. We are talking again thank god hate falling out with her and secured over time every other week so I will be £50 a week better off which is good.water £82.00 Totally Paid June 2012, vanquis £290.00 Totally Paid July 2012, e.on £300.00 £189.00 Paid Sep 2012, Scott and co. £989 £918 Paid Oct 2012, s/p £400.00 £295 Dec 2012, o/d £2,000.00 Dec 2012, rent £1,600.00 Jan 2013, mum £1,500.00 £1,400.00 Feb 2013
£6,402
Second purse #64 £2.30/£2200 -
Had a really positive day and have planned mine and dds camping trip for august. I have decided to join the National trust as most of the places I plan to visit are theirs and it will save me £8 plus then we can use it for the rest of the year as dd loves old houses and castle so more days out.
I love it when I get this way as I can see clearly a plan shame it won't last very long but I have to do things now or else fail. I have paid the £30 deposit for the camp site and have something to look forward to and dd is all excited.
I am so determined not to let her down and make this happen. It is so hard explaining to people how my life spirals up and down when on the outside I seem normal and happy go lucky all the time.
I have been out for a meal with friends its nice they let me choose where we went as they know I get scared and we went to a pub where I could sit with my back to everyone and just see who I was with it seems to make me more comfortable that way.
I learnt a few things tonight there are 3 of us that are friends and one seems to always be skint and the other always seems to have money and the nice car, house etc. I learnt that the one that is skint is over paying her mortgage and is trying to pay it off 10 years early and the one who has everything is up to her eyeballs in debt. It is the first time we really talked about money with each other and I guess I learnt even more not to judge a book by its cover which really I shouldn't as that's what happens to me all the time. I asked them what they thought of me when I first met them and one friend said she thought I was a moody cow and ignorant but when she got to know me that's when we became friends. The other thought I had a mental condition as her mum is very similar and it didn't bother her. It is weird what you learn over a few drinks lol.
Today I guess has been a day of learning and I think I have two of the best friends I could ever want and I know they will be there for me no matter what.water £82.00 Totally Paid June 2012, vanquis £290.00 Totally Paid July 2012, e.on £300.00 £189.00 Paid Sep 2012, Scott and co. £989 £918 Paid Oct 2012, s/p £400.00 £295 Dec 2012, o/d £2,000.00 Dec 2012, rent £1,600.00 Jan 2013, mum £1,500.00 £1,400.00 Feb 2013
£6,402
Second purse #64 £2.30/£2200 -
I can feel my positiveness (is that even a word) going already not good as I know a hyper is round the corner I hate hypers they scare the living day lights out of me even after 19 years of having them. I will try and curve it and keep busy. Still not got my meds yet driving me mad and really wish the psych would see me sooner and give me help. DD said earlier your going to go high again because your skin is dry that scared me a lot how well she knows me. I guess that can't be a bad thing her knowing my mood. I wish I could spend a month being not having highs I have just given DD my cards to stop me gambling she's hidden them I know its a lot to put on a 9 year old but my mum has backed off and not helping I know that's my fault but don't know how to fix it.
Well if I'm not here for a week or so I will come back just need to ride this through and try not to do too much damage.water £82.00 Totally Paid June 2012, vanquis £290.00 Totally Paid July 2012, e.on £300.00 £189.00 Paid Sep 2012, Scott and co. £989 £918 Paid Oct 2012, s/p £400.00 £295 Dec 2012, o/d £2,000.00 Dec 2012, rent £1,600.00 Jan 2013, mum £1,500.00 £1,400.00 Feb 2013
£6,402
Second purse #64 £2.30/£2200 -
Had my first NSD in ages. The hyper hasn't kicked in just yet so not too bad at the moment. Only the rent and mum to pay on Wednesday when I get paid and all the bills for the month done thank god. Not done too bad really trying hard to keep my moods in check. Got a really bad headache I think it's stressing out about the hyper coming need to try and stop stressing so much.water £82.00 Totally Paid June 2012, vanquis £290.00 Totally Paid July 2012, e.on £300.00 £189.00 Paid Sep 2012, Scott and co. £989 £918 Paid Oct 2012, s/p £400.00 £295 Dec 2012, o/d £2,000.00 Dec 2012, rent £1,600.00 Jan 2013, mum £1,500.00 £1,400.00 Feb 2013
£6,402
Second purse #64 £2.30/£2200 -
I now have a bi polar worker who I will see weekly its a big help just having someone help with meal planning and housework planning its weird I am a cleaner and considering I recently didn't get made redundant I must be a good one as my score came out high yet I can't seem to sort my own house out lol.
I have decided I am not going to put too much pressure on myself and quit gambling first I have moved onto rolling my own fags and I know it's not ideal but I can't handle pressure so one thing at a time now.
I totally gutted my kitchen last night and am going to do each room at a time one a night as I get too stressed and I know that's not good for me. DD has got to have a few days off school saw the doctor and her skins really bad proberbly through stress which I don't help with at all bless her.
Sometimes I wonder if I am the best thing for dd and if she would be better off with my mum I know I am screwing her up and I can't help it I really can't but its the way it goes roll on the 5th march I might get meds which will help a bit so sick of dealing with all this by myself and so looking forward to some help its so hard to explain to most people how hard it is and it drives me nuts. DD said I should write a book in diary form so more people understand and said I should call it "Do I look OK to you?" lol don't think that will happen but if one psych reads my diary on here perhaps they will understand because unless you go through it you will never know the harshness of it all
Right time to stop rambling and get ready for work timewater £82.00 Totally Paid June 2012, vanquis £290.00 Totally Paid July 2012, e.on £300.00 £189.00 Paid Sep 2012, Scott and co. £989 £918 Paid Oct 2012, s/p £400.00 £295 Dec 2012, o/d £2,000.00 Dec 2012, rent £1,600.00 Jan 2013, mum £1,500.00 £1,400.00 Feb 2013
£6,402
Second purse #64 £2.30/£2200 -
Hi deep in
Just read your diary, and wanted to wish you luck with your journey. I hope that things get better for you really soon and remember every morning to say out loud "today, I will not gamble". You can do this.
Goochie0 -
Thank you goochie.
Well finally life is looking up and I have finally sorted my money out once and for all got a big smile on my face and am so chilled out its unrealwater £82.00 Totally Paid June 2012, vanquis £290.00 Totally Paid July 2012, e.on £300.00 £189.00 Paid Sep 2012, Scott and co. £989 £918 Paid Oct 2012, s/p £400.00 £295 Dec 2012, o/d £2,000.00 Dec 2012, rent £1,600.00 Jan 2013, mum £1,500.00 £1,400.00 Feb 2013
£6,402
Second purse #64 £2.30/£2200 -
Next stage of chilled out life get my house tidied, my kitchen needs a quick clean as that got done the other day, 2 loads of washing are blowing on the line and a 3rd washing. My livingroom looks like 10 nuclear bombs have gone off so time to tackle that and get it clean.
Ok List for today:- Wash up and retidy kitchen
- Put third wash out
- Tidy livingroom
- Upstairs bathroom, clean/tidy
- change sheets
- Tidy my room
- Tidy dds room
- Dust whole house
- Hoover whole house
- Mop floors
- Clean d/s bathroom
Now considering I am a cleaner by trade think this should be doable.
Time to get started.......water £82.00 Totally Paid June 2012, vanquis £290.00 Totally Paid July 2012, e.on £300.00 £189.00 Paid Sep 2012, Scott and co. £989 £918 Paid Oct 2012, s/p £400.00 £295 Dec 2012, o/d £2,000.00 Dec 2012, rent £1,600.00 Jan 2013, mum £1,500.00 £1,400.00 Feb 2013
£6,402
Second purse #64 £2.30/£2200 -
Got most of my list done yesterday except have more to do today since the cat decided under my bed would be a great place to go for a wee grrrrrr. Tired today but I am going to get the rest of the washing done ready for tomorrow. Got a heck of a week next week with a load of people off so got loads to cover.water £82.00 Totally Paid June 2012, vanquis £290.00 Totally Paid July 2012, e.on £300.00 £189.00 Paid Sep 2012, Scott and co. £989 £918 Paid Oct 2012, s/p £400.00 £295 Dec 2012, o/d £2,000.00 Dec 2012, rent £1,600.00 Jan 2013, mum £1,500.00 £1,400.00 Feb 2013
£6,402
Second purse #64 £2.30/£2200 -
Just want to make a post for me so I can remember what food I have cooked dd for a new diet and what she liked:
Made flapjacks with hemp seed, pumpkin seed, pineapple and coconut in and she loved them and a dam sight cheaper than buying the diet special version.
Cheese and pasta with rice milk, goats cheese, mustard and smoked paprika she likes this too with a side salad.
Apple crumble made with dairy free butter and gluten free flour and can have custard
Carrot Cake reminder grate carrots on small settingwater £82.00 Totally Paid June 2012, vanquis £290.00 Totally Paid July 2012, e.on £300.00 £189.00 Paid Sep 2012, Scott and co. £989 £918 Paid Oct 2012, s/p £400.00 £295 Dec 2012, o/d £2,000.00 Dec 2012, rent £1,600.00 Jan 2013, mum £1,500.00 £1,400.00 Feb 2013
£6,402
Second purse #64 £2.30/£2200
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