Moral Dilemma...what do you think?

Seanymph

I would feel devastated and betrayed if my children lied to me over such a thing.

If it will ever come out then I wouldn't give her the 'nice' one as a carte blanche - but put a caveat on it about 'another one of the same name I'm still looking at' or something.

peachyprice

Can you give it to her unfinished and tell her you're still investigating, or tell her sorry it's late but she can have it when you've finished it?

It's part of who she is, to me, to lie about it is plain wrong. It doesn't matter that she may never find out.

Mrs_P_Pincher

I agree sometimes with editing what you tell people. We never told my mother in law that her mother was pregnant on her wedding day. She idolised her mother, who died when MIL was young and we didn't think it would serve any useful purpose.

BUT - we knew we had the right people. And isn't that the question here? If you have two people of the same name you really need to find out which is the real one. If you just pick the good one that's not proper research I'm afraid.

I've found that on war records there is generally some background family information that you can use to ensure you have the right person.

Do you need someone with an Ancestry sub to do some more digging for you in the spirit of Christmas?

Mrs P P

skipsmum

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Sorry but being a deserter doesn't make him a waster

Ever heard of PTSD? They hadn't in WW1 and unfortunately alot of good men got shot because of it.

Thanks, you are absolutely right. Sorry if that offended anyone, my BIL has just been discharged with PTSD so I should have thought before I wrote.
There was more to it all though, which was pretty nasty stuff.
My mum is elderly and has dementia. She just wouldn't understand.
She will never know, and thats why I have the dilemma - I will know inside.
Pennypincher, its becasue I suscribed to Ancestry that I found the other Grandad!
I have decided to give her what I have got, without the war record. I can't pick and choose my family, and neither can she. However I don't want to upset her so I'm just going to give the name and dob and leave it there.
Thanks all, all the best advice as usual. I appreciate it xxx