Moral Dilemma...what do you think?

skipsmum

I have been researching my mums family tree and was going to give it to her as a Christmas present. She was illegitemate and lived with her grandparents as a small child until they died and then she went into a childrens home. She has always talked about her Grandad, she really loved him.
I found what I genuinely thought was his war record, he had medals for bravery. He had a good job. I told her and she was thrilled. Now I find there is someone with the same name and birthday who was a total waster.
So do I give her the war record knowing she will be thrilled but it might not be the right man.
Or do I give her both records, and tell the truth?
What do you think?

Emmzi

war record. white lie, hurts no one.

harrys_nan

Can you sort it out by place of birth or does she know her Great Grand parents name at all, which will help if you get the birth certificates

BitterAndTwisted

Always, always, always tell the truth. Maybe the total waster is the wrong man, too? How do you know that he was a waster?

peachyprice

I wouldn't give it to her until I knew exactly which one was her father.

If it tuns out to be the war hero all well and good, if it turns out to be the loser you don't have to give her all the bad details just a vague idea of who he was.

Is she expecting it at christmas or can you hold on to it until you're 100% sure?

Mojisola

peachyprice wrote: »

I wouldn't give it to her until I knew exactly which one was her father.

If it tuns out to be the war hero all well and good, if it turns out to be the loser you don't have to give her all the bad details just a vague idea of who he was.

Is she expecting it at christmas or can you hold on to it until you're 100% sure?

Follow up the information you have and try to prove which one it was.

There are very helpful, experienced people on https://www.rootschat.com who will help if you want some advice.

I found the war records of a relative's favourite uncle. She had lovely memories of him and his wife and said how good they were with all the children in the family and how sad it was that they couldn't have children of their own. During his army service, he had numerous treatments for syphilis which probably accounted for the infertility. I left those pages out of the information I gave her because I knew it would upset her and change how she thought about her uncle.

Seanymph

Mojisola I think you are lovely.

I use rootschat too - they are so helpful on there.

I'd tell her the truth and say you are no longer sure you have the right person and do more investigation.

skipsmum

Thanks all..
Peachy, shes expecting it on Christmas Day.
Harrys Nan - Great Grandads name was Albert, the birth certificate for man no 1 lists Albert as the father. Its too late to order no 2s, but both registered in the same district.
Bitter, no 2 was a deserter....that would really upset her. I would have to say I didn't know anything about him.
Emzi, yes my heart says give her the one which will make her happy. Won't hurt anyone....but I will still know!

mountainofdebt

Sorry but being a deserter doesn't make him a waster

Ever heard of PTSD? They hadn't in WW1 and unfortunately alot of good men got shot because of it.

bubbles1984

No 2 - the deserter. Does it have any details behind this? Something to consider is that a large number of people who were classed as cowards and deserters at the time would now be considered to suffering from PTSD

Tigsteroonie

Is your Mum likely to do anything with the information - will she want to research more, is she likely to pass it onto other family members to continue the research? If there's no worry that somebody else might take up the research and find the possible error, then I'd go for the "white lie" option and give her the good story.

If you'd stopped researching after finding the first Grandad, you wouldn't have known. So pretend that the rest of the research didn't happen.