Separation anxiety - 11 month old

building_with_lego

DD was like this. I used to tell her where I was going; I don't know whether she understood at all but did seem to reassure her on some level. (I think I saw Supernanny or Tiny Tearaways giving the child Mummy's phone or keys to look after, so they know Mummy wasn't going to run away from them! Yeah, right! Imagine the phone bill!)

Oh, and Lotus- Eater: exactly right, it always passes. Usually just as you've learned to deal with/ accept the current behavioural situation :rotfl:

aliwali

I'm a childminder and the little boy I look after was like this at 11 months. Once he could crawl after me he was a little better but still howled if I went upstairs and he couldn't follow, or in large groups of people and he couldn't quite see me. He is now 16 months and has got an awful lot better. He obviously now realises that I come back again. I really hope it improves for you too soon.

Make-it-3

Hi MV, of course it will pass, but that's not really any help to you now. Separation anxiety only lasted two weeks with us, but it was utterly exhausting. She literally had to be clinging to me at all times.

It was just before she started crawling and I do think that being able to get moving helped it pass sooner as she was able to be more independent and try to follow me.

I am still wondering when I can do a solo wee again though! As once they are on the move you need to take them with you so they don't get themselves into trouble while you are away.

We can't seem to get stair gates that fit and that's the number one place she'll head to given a chance.

skintchick

Make-it-3 wrote: »

We can't seem to get stair gates that fit and that's the number one place she'll head to given a chance.

We never really bothered with stair gates. I had one on the top for a while to stop her crawling down them but I always let her climb up so she could learn how to do it safely. We moved house when she was 13 months and again we had one on the top but only put one on the bottom because of her friends coming round as the stairs here are in the living room.

As long as you're with them downstairs then you can just teach them about the stairs, but one on the top is IMO essential because if they fall all the way down they could really hurt themselves.

PoorCharleyBear

It is a development phase.

At this stage they see you as an 'extension' of themselves, and when you are out of sight, you are gone. They don't comprehend 'out of sight but still existing'. In a few months, babies start to understand continuity and that even when you disappear (out of sight), you will reappear. It is just part of their mental development.... you can tell I read the baby books!

Saying that my daughter is now 4 and she still wants to be with me constantly....she would be carried around by me constantly if I were foolish (or strong) enough to agree!

jakes-mum

This really brought back memories of my son when he was a baby (hes 10 now :eek:) he used to scream everytime I went out of his sight, I used to have him on the bathroom floor when I had a shower and would have to keep sticking my head out from behind the shower curtain so he could see me. So id get 10 minutes of screammmmmm, laugh, screammmmmm, laugh until I got out. Was sooo much easier when he could sit up and crawl as I could chuck him in the bath with me

DD never really did the seperation anxiety, not sure why but at nearly 4 I still get the toilet chats Ohhh how I look forward to the day I can lock the bathroom door behind me without 'muuuuuuuuuuummy!!! open the door!! I cant get in!!!!'

doodoot

PoorCharleyBear wrote: »

It is a development phase.

At this stage they see you as an 'extension' of themselves, and when you are out of sight, you are gone. They don't comprehend 'out of sight but still existing'. In a few months, babies start to understand continuity and that even when you disappear (out of sight), you will reappear. It is just part of their mental development.... you can tell I read the baby books!

It's the pre-oedipal phase in Freudian/Kristevan/Lacanian psychoanalysis.

(I'm studying it at Uni )

As for OP's experience at the moment, my eldest was fine but my youngest struggled to get past this phase.

The only advice that I can give is to keep an eye on it and if your child is still showing severe anxiety by the age of 2 1/2-3 years then get some professional advice.

My youngest has social anxiety disorder and selective mutism and the first signs were severe separation anxiety...he would cling, scream or totally freeze if I left him with other people.

He's 11 now and rarely has any episodes of separation problems, but the SAD and SM are a major problem - he doesn't speak at school or with certain people.

I'm not trying to scare you and what my son has is rare - 6 in 1000 children - but if the clinginess carries on into late toddler years then there's cause for concern.

Metranil_Vavin

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences.

I am pretty sure it will get better, and I do attribute a lot of it to him being immobile at the moment. My other friends babies are able to move about, and I think he possibly feels a bit hopeless and abandoned if I leave the room.

gizmodo wrote: »

Have you tried leaving him with someone else? Does he cry when you leave the house? We've found DD cries if she's aware that I am somewhere nearby. I've left her with mum for some trial runs before going back to work and she has been fine after 5 minutes. I've also found the sep anx is far worse during teething time, all she wants is mummy then. Even daddy won't do

Giz - he seems ok if there are other people about. It seems to only been when it's just he and I.
I am starting a new job in February and he will be doing a combination of 2 days at a nursery and 1 with a childminder, so I'm hoping he will be ok

gizmodo_2

Metranil_Vavin wrote: »

Thanks everyone for sharing your experiences.

I am pretty sure it will get better, and I do attribute a lot of it to him being immobile at the moment. My other friends babies are able to move about, and I think he possibly feels a bit hopeless and abandoned if I leave the room.



Giz - he seems ok if there are other people about. It seems to only been when it's just he and I.
I am starting a new job in February and he will be doing a combination of 2 days at a nursery and 1 with a childminder, so I'm hoping he will be ok

That sounds OK to me then! At least it shouldn't be a problem when you go to work I'm not sure it'll make you feel any better but DD is crawling and she still cries if I disappear round the corner! I try and encourage her to come and find me but she prefers to sit and ball her eyes out lol. I try and turn it into a game of peek a boo and then she eventually comes closer Babies are funny things!

sapphireeye

PoorCharleyBear and DootDoot are completely right from what I've learned about child psychology at university, at a young age children fail to realise that anything exists unless they can see it. At first they just think that whatever's not there anymore (a toy, a person) doesn't exist, soon after that they start to realise that just because they can't see it, it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist and so they will start to look for it. At this sort of age your child has not yet learned that other people have their own lives and their own feelings and so in a way they think that you're just there to look after them so they don't understand why you're leaving them because you're already with them so why would you need to go anywhere else? As he grows up he'll realise that the world doesn't revolve around him and every person in his life has their own needs as well!

Attachment theory states that secure attachment is characterised by the child being happy in your presence and feeling free to explore but becoming anxious on separation and being comforted on your return. So what you're seeing with your child is a good thing because it shows that you are looking after him properly and he is responding to you by being properly attached!