Separation anxiety - 11 month old

Metranil_Vavin

Just wondered if anyone could give me any advice/reassurance on this please!

My DS is 11 months old, and has since he was about 8 months old got really upset if I leave the room, even for a few minutes.

This has got worse in the last couple of weeks, to the point now where I can't leave him at all, and if I do try and run to the loo/grab something from another room, he goes nuts and it then takes me quite a while to calm him down again.

It's difficult to say the least, and pretty claustrophobic. I have to literally carry him from room to room, and he weighs a ton.

He isn't crawling yet, so could this be why he gets so hysterical if I leave the room? It doesn't seem to happen if there are other people around, just if we are on our own.

I've tried playing lots of peek a boo games and talking to him the whole time I am out of the room, but it doesn't seem to make any difference.

I'm sure this phase will pass, but when?

rosie-lee

I think the replies you will receive on this will fall into two camps, 2 very different points of view. Ones who say it will just pass and ones who think it best to take steps to get him/her comfortable in your absence.

All I can say is that the current situation, has become enough of a problem, for you seek some advice and other ponts of view, and you want it to change. It's likely you need to do something.

But inevitably, You know you, and you know your child best.

Best wishes.

pinkpig08

It will pass

My daughter cried whenever she was away from me from the minute she was born. I had to leave my job because she wouldn't stay with the childminder. She wouldn't even stay with my husband. She's now 2.5yrs old and goes to playgroup for 2.5 hrs 3 mornings a week. She waves me off and has a lovely time. She's got better from being around 2 years old, but yes, it will pass. I also tried the peek-a-boo games but they didn't work.

Lotus-eater

rosie-lee wrote: »

I think the replies you will receive on this will fall into two camps, 2 very different points of view. Ones who say it will just pass and ones who think it best to take steps to get him/her comfortable in your absence.

Well it's both of course!

It will pass.

And you should take small steps to make him happier when you are not there.

Every point of a child's development, you always think, oh, this is it, it's never going to change and it always does. Always

Gingham_R

This is completely normal. However, it's completely exhausting.

Both my children were really, really hard work at this age, refusing to go to anyone else and my youngest used to cling to me like he was trying to melt his face into my own!

If you've left him somewhere safe, he'll be fine for a minute, whether or not he's crying. Come back really relaxed and smiling when you've picked up the phone/been to the loo/stirred the dinner and he'll eventually relax about it all!

If you need to leave for longer than a minute or so, take him with you. He'll be crawling behind you soon enough and this will help both of you!

Gingham_R

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Every point of a child's development, you always think, oh, this is it, it's never going to change and it always does. Always

How wonderfully, fantastically true that is!

At 8 and 4 my kids are probably the most relaxed and happy and easy to look after that they've ever been. I'm enjoying the lull before the next challenge, which will no doubt occur sooner than I anticipate!

gizmodo_2

Have you tried leaving him with someone else? Does he cry when you leave the house? We've found DD cries if she's aware that I am somewhere nearby. I've left her with mum for some trial runs before going back to work and she has been fine after 5 minutes. I've also found the sep anx is far worse during teething time, all she wants is mummy then. Even daddy won't do

skintchick

My DD was like this. I just rolled with it and she is now 2 and happily plays without me around. They just do need Mummy so much in the first year or so, and it WILL pass. Usually, just when you think you cannot take it any more, things change, at least they do in my experience.

They reach these milestones when they are ready, in the meantime do what you need to do to keep sane! DD still comes to the loo with me - I don't think I've been allowed a solo wee since I was pregnant!

Lotus-eater

skintchick wrote: »

DD still comes to the loo with me - I don't think I've been allowed a solo wee since I was pregnant!

My DS (2) still comes to the loo with me! Unless on the rare occasion Fireman Sam happens to be on tv and even then most of the time he comes with me, complete with fire engine (sit on car), firemans hat (woollen hat), hose (old mobile phone), it can be difficult in the loo, especially when he decides the fire must be put out!

ps but tbh, I like to spend my time in the loo (if I am sitting down ) so leaving him out doesn't even bear thinking about, lord knows what I'd comes back to.

purply

Like others have said, it will pass. I found it really hard to cope with seperation anxiety because like you I felt claustrouphobic, but you soon get used to it and it becomes easier as they get to their 1st bday. I always had my son surrounded by people from day 1, and maybe that helped somewhat...

It's completely healthy and normal for babies to go through this stage and if they didn't then you should worry!

Get used to going to the toilet and balancing baby on your knees lol.

Gingham_R

I couldn't take mine to the loo because I had slipped disks and big babies and I couldn't carry them up the stairs. But once they could toddle, they made a habit of visiting me in there and the youngest will still wander in. They don't think twice of coming in for a chat when I'm in the bath either.

My husband calls them the velcro children.

Edit - lol - that's the dog. He calls the kids the magnetic children. Doh!