Seperation, what do you have to do

BLUEBIE

I am seperating from my husband, even though he has his head in the sand and doesn't seem to want to accept it.


I have no idea where to start.

We have a joint mortgage and lots of debt, this is my plan, does it make sense:

I am seeing two mortgage advisers, one who the current mortgage is with and another.

I want to sell the house use 1/2 the equity to clear the debts. This would then leave a clean plate.

The other half would then be used to buy a new house, with the rest mortgaged. I am expecting this to be about £40k. My husdband has indicated that he only wants a small part of this, although I expect that will change once he realises I asm not going to change my mind. Now if I have to force some of this £40k onto him, how much would be fair? I have one child who will live with me. Whats the average percentages each spouse gets?

Also I was going to go ahead with all this and then get it put in writing as a perm seperation with a solictor, I'm not bothered about a divorce at the moment. Does that all sound above board?

Obviously I will need a much ££ as I can get but want to be fair also?

If we didn't have our dd, I would say go 50/50 but as I do have her is 75/25 being unfair?

Thanks

Bee
xx

balletshoes

I'm not at all sure about the legalities of the split of the equity in the house, but presuming you were married longer than a couple of years I'd have thought the maximum each partner would be entitled to is 50%? Then your OH would be liable for child maintenance for your DD as a separate and ongoing responsibility.

daska

OK, it's a while since I got divorced but as I understood it then: You can get a legal separation but for most people it's just a lot more additional work and cost for no benefit - why not just get the financial settlement and divorce over and done with? Anything less than a legal separation would mean that the financial aspect could be revisited at a later date, not necessarily in your favour. Your solicitor will have a good idea of what the court will expect to see re the division of assets etc which will be influenced by who the child lives with, your ages etc.

daska

balletshoes wrote: »

I'm not at all sure about the legalities of the split of the equity in the house, but presuming you were married longer than a couple of years I'd have thought the maximum each partner would be entitled to is 50%? Then your OH would be liable for child maintenance for your DD as a separate and ongoing responsibility.

Not necessarily. I got the house and my ex got his savings and pension (worth several times more). I didn't get a taste of anything else because my age meant that I had time to 'make my own career'.

Seanymph

Getting divorced has three parts - the seperation of the legal partnership - the financial agreement - and the arrangements for the children.

You can legally agree any of the three without the others, but it works better if you do all three together.

You need to take advice at th emoment, so that you don't make any decisions that won't serve you well in the long term.

BLUEBIE

We have been married for 14 years.

Ahh I assumed I would be entitled to slightly more because of my dd.

Thanks, I have been tring to deal with everything on my own but I see I am going to have to fork out for a solicitor.

bee

msb5262

Hi OP,
You mention 75/25 - I don't think so!
I got 66/34 and that was with three children (we separated after 13 years of marriage).
I also receive child support but get nothing from my ex for me, as I was determined to support myself...and have done so for the past 7 years.
Hope that helps and good luck with it all
MsB
ETA Make sure you get legal advice - expensive but not as expensive as it would be to go ahead without legal advice!

BitterAndTwisted

Who has racked up these debts, what were they for and whose name are they in?

If the debts were acquired through buying lots of Fendi handbags do not expect your husband to agree to his share of the equity being use to pay them off.

My sister separated from her husband not long ago, fairly amicably despite her adultery being the reason. One dependent child at Uni. She got 50% of the equity in their property and their savings plus a third of his extremely generous pension. If they fought tooth and nail it could have been very, very different and cost both of them a packet in solicitor's fees.

BLUEBIE

Some are in his name and some in mine, none were racked up buying handbags. Car loan and my husband didn't work for 3 years due to clinical depression. Homebase card / argos card, stuff for the house, just stuff really.

I just assumed the best thiing to do all round was to pay them all off together giving everyone a clean slate.

My husband wants very little in the way of cash, I'm trying to give him more but never having been through this before, I thought I would see what other people got.

B
X

BitterAndTwisted

What other people got was dependent on their individual circumstances and the attitude and behaviour of both parties.

If the debts were acquired by both for both party's benefit then it seems perfectly reasonable to settle them all and then carve up the equity taking into account that children need both parents to provide a roof over their heads. Some couples might agree to a 50/50 equity-split with child-support. Some might agree to the parent who houses the child getting a greater percentage with less child-support or the property remaining in joint-ownership until the children cease to be dependent. With a couple who can't see eye-to-eye there's a great deal to be said for a clean break where the property ownership is concerned.

meer53

What you're entirely dependant on is your Husbands reaction to any suggestions you make. He might be agreeing to a small amount of cash now but if he gets a solicitor involved, they will probably change his mind for him ! It's best really if you can both come to some sort of agreement before you see a solicitor, otherwise you spend time and lots of money trying to make it work. Sit down together and discuss it, however i wouldn't rush into any sort of agreement with him, take your time or you may come to regret it. I know of so many couples who have rushed into divorce with serious financial repercussions.