Feeling low

FBaby

Whatever you do, where you go, remember that anyone making a nasty comment about your weight is THEM having a problem, not you. This is exactly why yout husband apologised because he knew he was in the wrong. Don't let selfish, ignorant people make you feel you are worth less, you want to lose weight for your health and want to have more confidence, that's a big step towards being good in your head as in your body, no-one else opinion matter, only what you think of yourself, and at the moment, you should be proud of wanting to fight feeling low and do something about it.

dottygirl

I know how hard life can be. You have been given lots of good advice. I take a day at a time. Small steps. I have a friend who is overweigh and her doctor has told her to join Slimming World (Not sure how it works) but Slimming World reports back to the dr which is a great incentive to my friend. Look for the small things that make you smile. Keep a Happy Book and begin writing things down that make you smile. Sending BIG HUGS I hope you and your husband have a wonderful Christmas x

Welshwoofs

VfM4meplse wrote: »

Apart from a DVD player?

That's why walking is best!

Most people have a DVD, even if it's built into their computer. I wouldn't count a DVD player as 'special equipment' these days.

Yes, walking is best, but let's be realistic - if we're talking about someone with social phobia and self-esteem issues then she may not like being 'seen' walking. Also, at this time of year, unless you're a hard-core walker you probably won't want to go through the rain and freezing temperatures....and if you work full time then it's dark by the time you've finished. All the above become easy excuses for not doing it.

I love walking; I have a dog and I walk every day however there's no doubt it's not always practical and it's not always enjoyable (most walks this week have been completed in the dark with rain pelting down).

~_Dragonfly_~

My OH could be cutting as well at times but he didn't mean it, he just didn't realize he was doing it. He has a 'be scared of nothing and face everything head on - get out there and just do it' attitude to life and can't see things from a person with social phobias point of view. Just keep picking him up on it when he makes you feel bad like that.

The weight and the social phobia probably make each other worse for me anyway. I feel worse and less confident because of my weight, so get more anxious, but then I used to feel like a loser for having social phobia and feeling the way I do. Round and round the circle went. I ate more because I was depressed about the SA, the SA got worse because of the weight and lack of self worth etc.

2012 is the year I totally change everything because I'm fed up of it all. And we each totally have the power to change our lives, we just have to believe that and work hard towards it. I can and you can too!
And just because you had a relapse of it trying to creep back in doesn't mean you can't beat it again, you did it once after all!

reheat

I can identify with much of this (social phobia, excruciatingly shy, feeling terribly demotivated and depressed about things). Over time I sorted myself, and these are some of the things I can think of that helped me:-

• Tackle one thing at a time. If you try to sort all your problems all at once, you won't be able to. Focus on one thing for a few days or weeks, until you feel you've got as far as you can for a while. Then park it for the moment, don't let it slip back, and move onto something else. It's a bit like trying to peg a tent out in a high wind - you cannot get all the pegs in at once so you go for them one at a time ... each peg you get in makes the next one just a little bit easier. And if a peg is hard to get in all the way first time around, it may be in far enough to stay there for a while, till you get the chance to come back to it after some more pegs are in.
• Go for a walk each day if you can, whatever length suits you and your circumstances. Before you start your walk think of a point halfway through it. For the first half of your walk you allow yourself to think of all your woes and troubles, but once you reach the halfway mark, you must look around you at what is going on, the people, the places, the birds, whatever ... take a real interest in them. For me I used to come back feeling much more positive than I left ... don't know if it would work for everyone.
• Be as kind to yourself as you would to anyone else. Yes it's right to set high standards to live by, but it's terribly easy to become your own worst bully. I think there are lots of people who never bully anyone else, but do bully themselves ... and it's not good.

As you are only too well aware, you are in the midst of a very vicious circle. Being depressed and overweight robs you of energy, which stops you doing the things that might help you lose weight and feel better about yourself. Only you can break that circle, but others can help you find the strength and the way ... but only if you put as much of your own effort in as you can muster. Am I preaching? Yes I suppose I am, but only because I really have been there and come through it, and it might help.

I don't know if your husband is being a bully to you, or ham-fistedly trying to motivate you (I've only read your first post in this thread so far), but either way - the more you do to pull yourself out of the hole you are in the better. And it would be a brilliant life lesson example to your kids.

All the very best.

__________________________________________________________

Just looked through the rest of this thread, and it really is great ... quite a few recurring themes I see.

One thing that occurs to me re your husband. He seems to not be a natural bully, and I suspect he is simply at a loss to know how to help you help yourself. He obviously loves you and cares about your wellbeing.

dobs

I've struggled with this as well, also as someone mentioned i don't like walking past other people much, i had two stone to lose and bought a cheap bike, that way i was exercising but was moving past people quickly plus it really lifted my mood up. I'd also do my salsa and tummy dvd every other night once the children were in bed. x

motherofstudents

I know you might think going to a gym is absolutely out of the question but there are schemes which you can access via your GP. They are slightly different depending on where you live and give you free or significantly cheaper entrance to a gym. I do understand that you might not feel able to go but these schemes are designed to give you maximum support and because they are organised through GPs there are plenty of people there who need to lose weight/have mental health problems. What I mean is, you would not feel different because the vast majority of people are there for the same reasons. These are usually council run schemes and may be worth you checking on, you can do it online. If you don't fancy it, that's fine you can walk as people have said. I wish there was an easy way for you to improve your self esteem but it doesn't happen overnight so just take little steps and you may be surprised.

meritaten

I would say - dont join a gym! instead if you havent a dog of your own offer to walk one! My bro and SIL were both rather overwieght before they got their boxer puppy and you should see them now! brisk walking with the dog has trimmed them down - my SIL has dropped two stone and my bro nearer three stone! all in less than a year!