Feeling low

SilverDreaming

Posting this under another username as for the moment dont feel confident posting who i normally post as

Bit of history about me would help i guess, suffer from social phobia, have for years, battled through it and was ok for a while, had cbt which helped a bit, mainly sorted things out myself, even took myself off anti d's as didnt like the way i was on them, i am extremely shy, have no mates in the real world and no one really i can chat to online properly, find it hard to start convo's, lots of people on my fb but barely anyone will chat to me, find it hard most days

Barely go out as im so self conscious mainly stemming from my weight, have over 6 stone to lose and its only recently that ive realised just how bad i look, will go out the odd walk but apart from that i do no exercise as have no energy, know what to do as i lost a stone last year but just cant push myself enough to do something about it

Just feel so unhappy these days, didnt help today that my husband was doing his usual putting me down, this time it hurt the most as it was in front of the kids

Have decided that things have got to change as every day i worry about my health, been going through my mind today that i should join a gym but have no idea just how i would cope with that, things arent gonna change themselves are they? sorry just needed to get this all out in the open, feels better getting this off my chest, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day

thanks for listening x

VfM4meplse

(((Huge hugs hun)))

Forget the gym if it's playing on your mind! Just wrap up warm and take a brisk walk for a full hour every day.

LisaB85

Didn't want to read and run, I have no advice to give really but I know how you feel in a way as my life is similar x

SueMaggie

Just wanted to say you're definitely not alone. I struggle with a lot of what you struggle with and have really down times too. This time of year is always really hard for those of us with weight issues as the focus is so much more on food than it usually is, but is also on trying to look good for parties etc.

The social phobia thing is also even harder at the moment as people expect you to want to go to things and then you feel bad yourself as you know you don't want to and won't enjoy it.

But being too hard on yourself just makes everything worse.

I don't want to say much more on a open forum, but if you want to chat then please PM me.

pinkclouds

Sorry things are so tough just now.

In my opinion, you should tackle one thing at a time - social phobia or weight. Personally, I'd go for the weight as it'll be easier - you don't *have* to join a gym or go anywhere different than usual. Portion control can do a lot plus upping your "normal" exercise if necessary e.g. going for a walk, climbing the stairs twice instead of once, spring-cleaning the kitchen once a week, etc. (As ever, the old ways are the best - drink a glass of water before meals and switch to a smaller plate when serving your own food. Unless you're the kind of person who enjoys counting calories and measuring ingredients.) Phobias take time to manage/overcome. A bit of a self-confidence boost, once the weight comes down/off, might help?

Alternatively, if you felt able to join a slimming group, then you would possibly be challenging the social phobia and potentially gaining a support network - the weight loss would then be a bonus. Some people make so many friends at their slimming groups that they keep attending them even if they don't need to diet!

Best of luck.

~_Dragonfly_~

I could have written that whole post myself - apart from the husband and kids bit.

I have had social phobia all my life and it's still taking over. I recently hit a big birthday and know I need to make a change no matter how hard that is to do. I could very well keep myself locked away forever, but how will that let me make the life I want and give me the happiness I want. I know it's very hard saying it but little changes in the daily routine and with the weight loss as well (I need to lose weight myself, did once but then as my inner life and feelings didn't change my weight went back on)

It may seem that you are alone on those days and nights where you just don't know what to do anymore and feel like giving up. I went Christmas shopping yesterday (with my OH granted) but went into three shops by myself and asked someone who worked in two of them for advice on things I wanted to buy. May seem small to most people but not to me. People who do not have social phobia will never fully understand what it feels like to have it and have to live each day with it.

______________________

I agree at not trying to 'fix' everything in one go. With me the weight is not the main issue - the social phobia is, so tackling the weight without sorting out the main problem would be a hindrance. I think if I got the social phobia under control the weight would follow suit.

You are not alone with this, there are many forums on social phobia issues + weight loss.

______________________

On the weight issues, when I lost over 7stones a few years ago I didn't join a gym, I got some exercise DVDs and did them whilst eating healthy.

I think stick to healthy eating - without going over board. Get some regular exercise - this will make you feel a bit more lifted as well.

Take it day to day. And never give up and don't let your husband put you down anymore, stand up for yourself and he will soon stop putting you down. My OH doesn't understand social phobia and used to make little 'comments' that he thought nothing of but hurt me, after so many years together now he knows I will not take him saying anything 'of a put down' to me.

:A

GeeBee38

Hi i didn't want to just read and run, i don't really know what to say, as i haven't got a husband and children so i can't offer any advice on that bit but i do understand how it feels to be lonely sad and down.

I posted on here recently and the support from people on here was amazing.

They offered lots of advice and i am now in touch with people who are helping me.

I hope you find the support, help and advice you need, and you start to feel better

sending you lots of (((hugs)))

Take care

SilverDreaming

Thanks for all the lovely messages, my weight is my main issue at the moment so that will have to be tackled first, no slimming clubs near me and in the past have followed just heathy eating, reducing portions and doing exercise in the home or walks out with my husband, its just the getting started and keeping at it that i find the worst

The social phobia is harder to cope with, my husband is more supportive that he once was as he went to one of my previous cbt sessions and made him see just how difficult it is for me, his usual response then was just to get a grip and get on with it, as yesterday shows he still has moments where he puts me down, only on the odd occassion though and this morning i just wouldnt let it go and asked why he was being so nasty, said he didnt realise he was and apologised

dragonfly - yes know exactly that is a big thing asking in the shop for help, agree though that unless you are going through the same then people just dont seem to understand just how it affects on a daily basis, at my worst point i couldnt set foot outside my door, had daily panic attacks and couldnt see any point in things anymore

This has just made me realise even more that i will never be truly rid of social phobia, thought i had beat it a while ago, only for it to come back, thankfully not as bad as once was, still hard to cope though

SailorSam

Hugs Silver Dreaming, i'd agree with others about going for regular walks, trouble is this time of year it's all to easy not to want to go out on the cold. If you're uncomfortable at the thought of joining a gym would it help if you exercised at home, maybe Santa will bring you a Wii. Come next Spring/Summer if you'd dropped a few pounds a visit to the gym or swimming may be easier.
I get regular emails from About.com, Arlin Cuncic Social Anxiety Guide. Some very good tips there. And there's a forum you could join with other sufferers at Social-anxiety-community.org

Welshwoofs

I'd forget going to the gym because the reality is that if you have social phobia and you are self-conscious about the way you look, you'll go once or twice and never go again. It'll be an expensive waste of money.

Personally I'd go and get yourself the 30-day Shred dvd because it's to do 20 minute chunks that combine cardo and strength/toning, you don't need any special equipment and there's no silly dance-type moves to try and get your head round. The most important thing is to get the routine of it so don't leave it as a 'I'll fit it in sometime today' thing but do something like make it the first thing you do when you get up in the morning, or when you drop the kids off to school etc.

I've had weight problems all my life and keep it in check by eating low-carb. I find that the easiest because it doesn't involve faffing around weighing things and trying to count calories. What I would suggest is for you to join a good online weightloss forum such as http://www.minimins.com/ where people are very friendly and supportive and there's even areas for people who have large amounts of weight to lose (because, let's face it, if you've got 6 stone to lose then someone whinging on about being 7lbs overweight is just plain irritating).

VfM4meplse

Welshwoofs wrote: »

Personally I'd go and get yourself the 30-day Shred dvd because it's to do 20 minute chunks that combine cardo and strength/toning, you don't need any special equipment

Apart from a DVD player?

That's why walking is best!