help I don't know how much more of my husband I can take :-(

victory

Do you love him? Does he want this to work?

The shock of what could have happened is certainly at the forefront of your mind right now and all his negatives are there clear to see but does he have any positives?

Only you know if it is worth it

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Is he a drinker? That's an awful lot of accidents for someone who has presumably had a driving licence for more than a couple of months. And it seems strange someone could be late so often without something involved.

Person_one

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

could be something to do with the op not being able to drive and living 15 miles away from the nearest town?

op i sympathise, but im a bit confused - does he work full time? if so why do you expect him to do a lot around the house when you work part time?

I work full time, can somebody come and do all my chores for free please?

Working part time while looking after children and a house all by yourself the rest of the time probably adds up to a lot more hours of actual work and a lot less leisure than working full time but having all your domestic stuff done for you.

BitterAndTwisted

mummyoftwomonkeys wrote: »

if we split up we would all have to move there is something in the tenancy that even if one of us dies we have to move out. Also we are only aloud 4 of us living here

I cannot for the life of me imagine what kind of tenancy this could be. It doesn't sound legally enforceable to me. Why not get hold of your tenancy agreement and start a threat about it over on the House Buying Renting & Selling forum? You'll get some decent advice about it there, I'm sure.

However, your credit-record won't be bad just because you work part-time. Not paying your debts does that. Have you checked on the entitledto website to see what help you might get via LHA towards your rent, Tax Credits etcetera?

If your husband is on his last warning at work it could come down to you supporting the lot of you on your part-time wages. Getting shot of him could make you better off than that.

Think hard. Think long and hard.

dirtysexymonkey

Person_one wrote: »

I work full time, can somebody come and do all my chores for free please?

Working part time while looking after children and a house all by yourself the rest of the time probably adds up to a lot more hours of actual work and a lot less leisure than working full time but having all your domestic stuff done for you.

i didnt say all, did it? but the op should be doing the majority.

its a wonder how people coped a few decades ago. having to look after children and the house without any of the modern conveniences that make it so easy.

Seanymph

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

i didnt say all, did it? but the op should be doing the majority.

its a wonder how people coped a few decades ago. having to look after children and the house without any of the modern conveniences that make it so easy.

I'm not sure the modern conveniences do that - I feel really strongly when people think women should be housekeepers because they 'only work part time'.

I don't work at the moment, through choice (I'm setting up a company) - but last night OH walked through the door to the plates on the side for a meal I'd made and whilst I watched a film with the kids he cleaned the kitchen and put on the dishwasher.

He didn't do that because I'm idle (!) or because after only being out of the house for 13 hours working he didn't want to sit down.

He did it because he loves me, values my contribution, was grateful for my putting a meal in front of him as he walked in, and he wanted to 'gift' me the opportunity to sit with our kids and watch a film (he also didn't like the film we were watching

No by your scale he should have sat down, and at 6.30 I am the one that should still be standing........... but it isn't how it works.

In a decent relationship you do things like that for each other, my OH wouldn't verbalise any of the above, he may say 'you cooked it, so it seemed fair to clear up the kitchen'........

But it doesn't alter the fact that I was left feeling valued and appreciated, and, to be honest, grateful.

The OP isn't complaining that he doesn't load the damned dishwasher. She's saying she doesn't feel valued and loved and supported for her contribution to the family. That she feels taken for granted, and that what she does is repetitive and thankless.

Just because I don't go out to work doesn't mean I sit and watch Judge Judy all day and expect him to come home and do the housework - we both live here, we both contribute - but more importantly we both value each other, and put in the extra bit to lighten each others load.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

I cannot for the life of me imagine what kind of tenancy this could be. It doesn't sound legally enforceable to me. Why not get hold of your tenancy agreement and start a threat about it over on the House Buying Renting & Selling forum? You'll get some decent advice about it there, I'm sure.

However, your credit-record won't be bad just because you work part-time. Not paying your debts does that. Have you checked on the entitledto website to see what help you might get via LHA towards your rent, Tax Credits etcetera?

If your husband is on his last warning at work it could come down to you supporting the lot of you on your part-time wages. Getting shot of him could make you better off than that.

Think hard. Think long and hard.

I'm not convinced on the tenancy either - as that would be in effect saying 'get pregnant again? Have an abortion or be made homeless'. Which would be a bit illegal. It might be the permitted number of unrelated adults that could live there before it became legally overcrowded, which is completely different and irrelevant for the purposes of maintaining control over an unhappy spouse.

Person_one

dirtysexymonkey wrote: »

i didnt say all, did it? but the op should be doing the majority.

its a wonder how people coped a few decades ago. having to look after children and the house without any of the modern conveniences that make it so easy.

Well, they had a lot less rest, suffered ill health earlier and they died younger.

mummyoftwomonkeys

Hi thanks for all your replies, just to clear it up he doesn't work full time in truth he only works a few more hours than me and I have always said to him that if he worked mon-fri full time I would be quite happy to do all the house work, its not really the fact that I have to do the house work that bothers me its more the fact that he makes such a mess all the time and never cleans up after himself. Hes not a drinker in fact he tries to stay away from it because his dad used to drink a lot when he was a kid. I do love him but for me there are a lot of issues right now.

BitterAndTwisted

Why is he on a final warning from work?