Donating body to science. How to tell family.

Careful_with_that_Axe

trouble in paradise I am sorry for the loss of your Mum. Thank you for such a sensitively worded post and I hope you are coming to a time where you can remember the good times you spent with your Mum with smiles and laughter.
Mum's death was really traumatic; we were with her the last 3 days at the hospital whilst she was fitting continuously knowing there was nothing more that could be done for her. My Sister and I did tag teams of 4 hours each at her bedside whilst the other one had 4 hours sleep. It was a little comfort to me that I was with her when she died. This whole experience traumatised me a lot and it took a long time for my memories to be of her rather than the manner of her death. However, 5 years on I revel in the memories of the remarkable woman she was and often laugh at random things she did or said that come into my mind. Your grief may still be quite raw, but it does get better. Time really is the answer.

troubleinparadise

Dear Careful with that Axe (!)

Thank you for your kind reply - I am still in the early days of bereavement, and yes, my grief is raw, but I was also fortunate that I had time to spend with my mum that was very special and I have lots of good memories despite her problems. I miss my well mum, but could not have wished her to carry on as she was in her decline.

Sadly also her death was not peaceful, so we share a bad memory of traumatic times. I too think this is very difficult to put behind you - but in time will lessen as you say. I'm working on it!

Some time previously my mum had talked of donating her whole body to medical research. I have to say very selfishly (and without much deep thought, so I can't say this would necessarily have been my final conclusion) that it was important to me to know where she was ie, where she was buried. All part of the bereavement process for me. The issue of organ donation was not a problem, but I seem to feel the need to be able to place her, which of course could not be if she had donated her whole body. That may well not be the case for others.

I am not saying that there is anything wrong with body donation, but that was my personal feeling. The earlier posting suggesting that your father might have problems actually facing your potential illness and loss was a thought provoking one. And of course, I benefit from all that has been learned through the selfless donation by those who have done so. So much food for thought.

But at the end of it all it should fall to you to be able to make your own decision, and hopefully your family will be able to support it. I hope you achieve your wishes and that there is harmony.

puffinmuffin

Hi careful with that axe
If you have no luck searching for charities involved with your condition you could try using this link http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/ This will let you search the abstracts of all medical publications, you won't be able to read the papers but it my help you track down a research group. A lot of research groups, especially ones investigating in rare conditions don't get charity funding. If there is a suspected genetic link you may be able to get DNA banked now which can be stored for decades and used over and over again.

SingleSue

My ex mother in law is doing the same thing.

The way she broached it with me, was she started asking what sort of arrangements I would prefer when I go, we talked about it and then she let out the bombshell that she has arranged for her body to be left to medical science.

Although she is my ex mother in law, I think she told me so that I could be strong against/for her son, who does not agree at all, she knows I would be able to 'talk' him around, especially as he is a great believer in last wishes and following them...so, in a roundabout way, making sure her wishes are carried out.

I must admit that when she told me, I wasn't in favour of it, made me go all eeeewwwwww but it is her wish and it is her body, so I will do my best to make sure the right thing is done on her death, my personal feelings/faith should not come into it.

pimento

Careful_with_that_Axe wrote: »

The only part of the donation thing I find a little uncomfortable with (on behalf of the family) is that my body wouldn't be at my own funeral and I've always made a point of being there for my family

I believe you can have a funeral when they have finished with your body. I had a relative who donated her body and the funeral was held once the family got her body back several months later.

katerinasol

OP I would like to say that I think you're doing a great thing and I would also like to donate my body to science or research (not that there's anything wrong with me - yet!) as I think it's better to remember someone through things they have done in life rather than by visiting a depressing gravestone. I would like to be cremated at the very least and have my ashes scattered somewhere. There's not enough space on the planet as it is, we don't need to fill it up with dead bodies

Careful_with_that_Axe

troubleinparadise wrote: »

Dear Careful with that Axe (!)

Thank you for your kind reply - I am still in the early days of bereavement, and yes, my grief is raw, but I was also fortunate that I had time to spend with my mum that was very special and I have lots of good memories despite her problems. I miss my well mum, but could not have wished her to carry on as she was in her decline.

Sadly also her death was not peaceful, so we share a bad memory of traumatic times. I too think this is very difficult to put behind you - but in time will lessen as you say. I'm working on it!

My heart goes out to you (want it for research? ). Please do feel free to communicate with me by PM if you feel that would be helpful for you? I found an absolute need to talk about Mum all the time for months after her death and it may help you to be able to do this with someone who has been through a similar traumatic experience. Your grief isn't going to go overnight and you will go through a whole myriad of emotions that are all valid.

I hope you have other family and friends to support you through this process.