Angry

Angry83

Hi everyone,

I'm an occasional user under a new name as I'm a little unsure whether I'm in the right or wrong and don't want to be judged on past posts etc..

I feel like I'm constantly getting myself into arguments.. nothing major.. but with family doing (in my opinion) stupid things, disagreeing with the travel agent over the data protection act when she wouldn't discuss our holiday booking as I wasn't the 'lead' passenger.. and BT when I rang to upgrade my package and the guy was so unhelpful when I couldn't find anything with an account number on as I'm paper free, and when I try and ask how we proceed then he says he'll have to take me through security. Well why not offer that before...

and breathe!!!!

Maybe it's me, I'm really not sure anymore. I get on with my partner okay, we have a couple of arguments, but it's usually his issues that cause them (I genuinely think that, I'm 99% sure it's not me causing any issues there)

My mum has got herself into a pyramid scheme selling aloe vera and I'm really struggling to suppress my frustration at it all.. had a few near arguments that have upset both of us as we get on so well generally. I was so upset I couldn't get my words out..

I had a go at my dad earlier in the year for not bothering to keep in touch with me, I totally burst into tears on the phone as usual.

I don't know if I'm being too confrontational with people? I'm not an argumentative person, but that's just my view. I run my own eBay buisness a whilst at uni, I'm 28yrs old, no kids, no real problems apart from being overweight.. and I'm now looking at seeing a Psychologist just to get some perspective as I feel like I'm going mad and everyone I speak to I seem to have a problem with them.



Sorry if none of that made sense, but I feel really negative and can't decide if it's me or if people are just winding me up by talking to me like I'm thick and don't know any better.

What is up with me?!

*please be as kind as you can in your reply, feel rather fragile*

fluffnutter

Duplicate thread...

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3673707

Azari

I don't think having arguments is a problem, per se.

It only becomes a problem if:

1) You have them all the time with everyone over everything.
2) You are unnecessarily aggressive or spiteful prosecuting your argument.
3) You allow the aftermath of the argument to linger for an unnecessarily long period of time and/or poison your relationships with people.

The three specifics you mention all seem quite reasonable grounds for argument.

Idiotic rules that inconvenience everyone and are blamed on 'data protection' (whilst nothing is done about real problems people have with their data being shared), are a source of annoyance for a lot of people.

It's also unsurprising that you might argue with a parent if you feel they are ignoring you.

But, as I said above, it's more about how you handle the arguments and how quickly you can get over them.

Angry83

Thank you Azari.. and apologies for the duplicate thread..


I feel justified in what I say, I don't think I am rude, I don't shout/swear or become threatening or any other nasties.. I just argue my point, but I feel the other person that just doesn't 'get it' and seem to think they know best. Now, I'm not a stupid person, I'm well rounded, able to accept other people opinions, but hate being walked over by someone who thinks they know best, when they probably don't.

The thing that I'm worried about is the effect it has on me. It makes me feel quite low really if this happens and makes me feel upset and stressed. So whatever the reason I need a way of coping with it I guess.

fluffnutter

Azari wrote: »

I don't think having arguments is a problem, per se.

It only becomes a problem if:

1) You have them all the time with everyone over everything.
2) You are unnecessarily aggressive or spiteful prosecuting your argument.
3) You allow the aftermath of the argument to linger for an unnecessarily long period of time and/or poison your relationships with people.

I'd add 4) You achieve nothing other than winding yourself up.

fluffnutter

Angry83 wrote: »

Thank you Azari.. and apologies for the duplicate thread..


I feel justified in what I say, I don't think I am rude, I don't shout/swear or become threatening or any other nasties.. I just argue my point, but I feel the other person that just doesn't 'get it' and seem to think they know best. Now, I'm not a stupid person, I'm well rounded, able to accept other people opinions, but hate being walked over by someone who thinks they know best, when they probably don't.

The thing that I'm worried about is the effect it has on me. It makes me feel quite low really if this happens and makes me feel upset and stressed. So whatever the reason I need a way of coping with it I guess.

An interesting point. In my reply on the other thread I mention that anger can occur when you have poor boundaries with others.

We all have different opinions and ways of going about life. What works for you might not work for someone else. Whilst you're adamant that yours is the right way of doing things, it actually might not be! When dealing with a situation that affects someone else's life and not your own, you need to make sure you have decent boundaries in place. It's up to them how they choose to go about their business; it might seem stupid to you but if their decisions don't directly affect you, then you have no real right to comment.

Frustrating I know, especially when you see loved ones make stupid decisions. But, TBH, that's up to them.

It seems like you don't feel your opinions are valued or taken seriously. Whilst you can't demand that they are (particularly when you're commenting on other people's lives) it can still be upsetting to feel dismissed.

I'd hazard a guess that your underlying issues relate to self-confidence and esteem.

Angry83

I think you may be right fluffnutter. It's something I've thought about myself for a while, low self-steem... but never put 2 and 2 together until you just said it.

I'm very succesful at uni, and I've managed being self employed well, but in the past I've not been so focussed and I think it plagues me to the point that I'm waiting for something to go wrong. & also I feel like people don't see my potential, even though family and friends are nearly in awe of my uni work, it's not them I want it from I guess.. I want success, but feel like a failure.

I just don't know why? everything says I should be happy.

dealer_wins

Regarding the "family doing stupid things" stuff, I have learnt over the years to keep well out, unless it directly involves me.

Sticking your nose in other peoples business (even family members) is just asking for trouble, confrontation and stress.

turbopak

Apart from your saving money on professional counselling, I find it difficult to see why you would post this kind of thing on this website.
Perhaps you would find it more healthy to stop being so introspective, to switch off your computer and to go outside and look for solutions in the real world, rather than use this virtual reality as a crutch.

Angry83

dealer - I think you are right yes.

turbopak - I've used this site before for moneysaving and also emotional issues and helped others too, so it's somewhere I trust to get an opinion on whether I'm cracking up or not. I can't just switch off how I view things I'm afraid, I am at Uni building a career which is a solution, and looking to go to see a psychologist. What else would you suggest, apart from exercise which is on the plan.

turbopak

Not sure that I would use a money saving website to get an accurate appraisal of whether I was cracking up or not: the unsympathetic side of me would say that that was a fair indication that you were! I'm pleased that you see exercise as a way forwards, as I am a great believer that walking, running or jumping etc is a great stress reliever and a realhelp in getting your thoughts together. I'm a little confused that you say that it is ' in your plan' though. For me it is just a question of getting up off my a@s@ and doing it.