How do I word this without sounding awful?

building_with_lego

A good friend or ours died this year after a long illness. I am trying to word a Christmas card to her family to let them know that they are in our thoughts but I just can't get it quite right. Simply writing "You are in our thoughts" seems too bare but any mention of having a happy Xmas sounds hollow.
It's complicated by the fact that there's a new baby in the family so it's a first Christmas in two ways; does anyone have any suitable words for me? TIA

krlyr

Just had a google for ideas and seen a suggestion for something along the lines of "sending you strength and love during the holiday season, hope you are doing well". Bit less bare, acknowledges Christmas without throwing it in their face, something like that could work I think.

lazer

Firstly - I wouldn't send a christmas card.

In my family we don't send christmas cards to anyone where a close relative has died in the last year.
Anyone with a close relative who has died within the year, won't send Christmas cards for the year either

Instead - you could send a thinking of you card.
I believe you actually do get thinking of you at this christmas time cards, which don't contain the normal festive greetings etc

piglet74

lazer wrote: »

Firstly - I wouldn't send a christmas card.

In my family we don't send christmas cards to anyone where a close relative has died in the last year.
Anyone with a close relative who has died within the year, won't send Christmas cards for the year either

Same here,

i wouldnt go for a Christmas card either, IMO "Thinking of you" is a lot better in this case

rachbc

I would send a card and always have done to bereaved family and freinds with wording along the lines suggested above - 'Thinking of you and sending lots of love for the festive season'

Seanymph

How about 'thinking of all of you' then you can include the deceased in your thoughts.

I think the worse thing you could do would be to send nothing. And I admire you for putting yourself out to find the right sentiment.

lazer

piglet74 wrote: »

Same here,

i wouldnt go for a Christmas card either, IMO "Thinking of you" is a lot better in this case

Are you Irish by any chance - As I would say thats the norm over here?

building_with_lego

There does seem to be a lot of 'etiquette' about not sending cards to a deceased family, and a deceased family not sending any, but I do feel the need to show that we love them. I'll send a low- key card with klryr's words inside.

Thanks, all
bwl

Crisp_£_note

Send it as you would like to receive it. Write what you like if its from the heart it will be felt, and if you feel awkward follow it up on either 24, 25 or 26th with a call to them to check they are coping ok and you can explain you felt awkward and didnt know what to write. We are all human. No need to smother in sympathy all the time, we are coming to a new year so a chance to move on a step with acceptance.

When my Dad died last year I didnt send any cards, have noticed this year I havent received any either, but I have sent them! It did feel though at Christmas that people were tip toing around me on egg shells or I had a box around me as they were all so careful what they said or how they acted it made me uncomfortable. I know they were caring but it didnt help me to be honest, yet I felt awkward and didnt speak up either. If that makes sense?

Anyway I had a lot of cards last year which simply said happy Christmas and best wishes for the new year.

Followed by a little note on the oposite side saying that they were there if I needed anything anytime and their contact info,(phone no, nob no, email and address) which to me showed it was genuine.

It is ok to celebrate Christmas after a berevement even if it is played down a little it helps with the greiving and getting back to 'normality' as we have to live on, but its also good to know there is someone out there to talk to about non festive things when the feelings are overwhelming.

I had several calls and txts from people leading up to and throught the festive weeks and into January to make sure I was coping then it all went quiet so be aware that its nice to be there all year through as well if you spare a thought for them talk to them if you have the time (txt or call) at least then they know you are thinking of them and they may need your help. Alternatively drop them a happy hugs or smiles and laughts to cheer you up email that do the rounds even though you dont say anything its lovely to receive, perks people up and reminds them you do care and do think of them.

Im not saying everybody is the same but hope this helps. Thanks

victory

Include in the card that if they need anything, to talk to someone, any help with anything that you are always there for them, often bereaved after a certain amount of time get forgotten and it is always nice to know that there are people out there still wanting to listen/help and feel their pain

**Juice**

I think I'd find it more sad if people didn't send me any cards - at a time when people are feeling lonely/sad about the loss of their loved ones, I wouldn't like to feel like I'd been forgotten/overlooked. You just need to write a little message to say you're thinking of them all and if they need anything to let you know.