Who buys for who?

krlyr

If your kids are old enough to pick out their own presents to give to grandparents and aunts, perhaps you could say to your ex that the kids want to get their family some Christmas gifts so maybe you could both give them some extra pocket money to allow them to buy things themselves (if the kids are old enough, they'll love being able to buy stuff with "their" money). Otherwise perhaps say to him that the kids haven't got anything for Aunt X and Nanny Y yet, when would he like to take them shopping to choose things. Put the responsibility onto him, if you pay for the gifts from your kids to your family, and he pays for the gifts for his, you're even.

ollow

balletshoes wrote: »

maybe its time you told him the gifts are from your kids and you, not him? I don't think you should give any kind of mixed message to anyone by labelling the gifts from all of you, including your ex.

The gifts have only the childrens name on them, except one for grandparents which has mine as well. I've never given him the impression that they are off all of us. I've only said that I have bought for xy and z. Even gifts for the children I've said that I have bought this and that.

ollow

krlyr wrote: »

If your kids are old enough to pick out their own presents to give to grandparents and aunts, perhaps you could say to your ex that the kids want to get their family some Christmas gifts so maybe you could both give them some extra pocket money to allow them to buy things themselves (if the kids are old enough, they'll love being able to buy stuff with "their" money). Otherwise perhaps say to him that the kids haven't got anything for Aunt X and Nanny Y yet, when would he like to take them shopping to choose things. Put the responsibility onto him, if you pay for the gifts from your kids to your family, and he pays for the gifts for his, you're even.

This sounds like a very good idea, I don't think they are old enough just yet, but I do like the idea of me buying mine and him buying his, and maybe a token gift for his parents off me. I know he won't get anything for my family.

JoW123

This is the 3rd Christmas since I split from my ex. I buy presents for both his sisters and my 3 nieces, but they are from me and the children not from the ex. This is because I see far more of them than he does (his choice) and indeed I supported his sister through a major operation recently when he was nowhere to be seen. His sister and I see each other as friends although my nieces still call me aunty. It wasn't any of our faults that he is a manipulative liar with a gambling addiction and we worked hard to keep our relationships together. I would have been gutted to have to give that up as I love them all to bits.

ellay864

12 years after we split I still buy a present for my ex MIL as I really like her, we always send to each other for birthday and Christmas. But right from the start I never bought for any others of his family, and have never done anything as being from me and the ex. Presents to his mum from our kids were for him to sort out. Was quite a shock for my ex as he'd never done anything at Christmas before and even had to grovel for my address book so he knew where to send his family's cards to!

NAR

ollow wrote: »

Do you still buy Christmas/birthdays gifts for your ex's family?

You married your ex not his family and though you have split from him have you split from them?
I still buy my ex's family presents, some 10 years on, because I have remained reasonably close to them all, unlike my ex!

*Louise*

Overall I would say No Way

But breaking things down a little, it doesn't hurt if you get on with everyone to buy something from you and the children, but make it clear to him that it's not from him as well and he will have to sort out his own gifts.

I like a previous posters ides of getting him to contirbute towards the cost of his kids presents to his family.

magenta22

Looking at it from a different point of view here, my OH still buys for exes parents and also still buys her a little something. It irritates the h€ll out of me. They weren't married.

I don't think it should be down to you.

Wilma33

I think there are two things going on here:

Should you buy presents for his family from you and the children? Yes, if you like his family and want to.
Should you buy presents for his family from him? No way!

JC9297

magenta22 wrote: »

Looking at it from a different point of view here, my OH still buys for exes parents and also still buys her a little something. It irritates the h€ll out of me. They weren't married.

I don't think it should be down to you.

I can't see how whether they were married changes anything? You'd be happy for him to still buy presents for an ex-wife but not an ex-girlfriend?

If they had children being married or not makes even less difference and they are still connected by their children.

OP if you will still have a relationship with his family then buy presents for them, if you only had contact because of him and no longer want to see them, then don't buy them presents. I personally consider my OH's parents and siblings as part of my extended family.