Housing Benefit etc for my son

bubbleoflife_2

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

...
The sentence I've boldened speaks volumes. He is not a kid, he's a young man of 21/22 and he needs to act and be treated like this rather than like some recalcitrant teenager.
Honestly, you're making a rod for your own back and not helping him at all.

He's 24 going 25.

smileytiger wrote: »

You need some tough love i'm afraid.
Make him contirbute financially (before Uni my DS was handing over half his JSA as board)...
'Kids' do whatever they can get away with, however old they are.
The only way he's gonna get any job, is to get out there - if that means you dragging his butt outta bed at 8am every day then so be it until he gets the message that dossing isn't acceptable.
...

I'm going to need some strength. It does wear me out trying to have a reasonable conversation that ends up in argument I tend to leave him alone and only ask for help carrying shopping, putting rubbish out. I'll have to find a way to get him to at least contribute....

Thank you all for your support

BigAunty

Yes, patience, firmness and diplomacy is key. If he's learned that by kicking off, he gets his own way, he will inevitably sabotage conversations that he's not comfortable with.

You have basic requirements in terms of house rules, helping around the house and contributing towards the household running costs. You know these are fair and are typical in many households, not cruel or unusual punishments.

He's an adult so just bear this in mind when he regresses to toddler tantrums to try and thwart your plans.

Think seriously about whether or not you want to issue an ultimatum because there is no point in saying something like 'Unless you pay me x out of your JSA each week, abide by the house rules and help out more around the house, you need to leave this week'. Have got the stomach to put his belongings in bin bags and pop them out on the lawn, take the key off him and change the locks if he doesn't comply?.

dodger1

bubbleoflife wrote: »

My son has not been able to find work since he returned from university last June and has been on JSA for few months. Our relationship has been rather strained and he seems to be spending quite a lot of time sitting at his computer, usually in the night, sleeping till late afternoon (and have mates over till late ).
I was wondering if it would be more motivating for him to find himself a place and claim housing benefit & council tax.

He does want to have a good paying job but I'm not sure that staying at home is enough to motivate him to do so and I'm fed up of his grumpy and rude remarks whenever I remind him to wash his clothes (for the uptinth time!:mad:) and spend sometime going out to apply for vacancies posted on shop windows (he has worked in the past at call centers and lately in a pub, very briefly, during Summer before signing on JSA).

Sorry but those two statements do not fit.

schweppes

I'm totally shocked that a 25 year old man is acting like this (and this is coming from a 28 year old bloke!)

You should just tell him that in your house he lives by your rules and you expect a contribution to the household - if he'd prefer to pay that money to a landlord then !!!!!! off and find a place of his own!!

to answer your question though - yes if he can find a flat he'd be entitled to HB + CTB however it's the deposit that will be an issue. Like BigAunty says if you can find a flat that is fine with their tenants being on benefits then he can get some kind of pre-rental benefits entitlement agreement from the council that will essentially say if he moves in they'll guarantee to pay £x as long as his situation doesn't change. Depending on the HB threshold and the price of the flat that will cover some or all of the rent!

xylophone

http://www.datascope.co.uk/jobs_games_design.html

Start searching?

nearlyrich

My thoughts are that if you let him behave this way he will why not? Your house your rules? My son came home after uni he got a job through an agency and it took him 3 or 4 moves to get the fab job he has now my daughter left uni as she wasn't enjoying it, she got a job again through an agency and eventually got her own dream job. No-one is going to come looking for him, if he is not washing his clothes and he is spending all night on the computer he is probably coming across as unemployable at interviews. I know that jobs are hard to find but if he willing to do anything he will get a job ad there are a lot of unemployed graduates out there.

Oldernotwiser

bubbleoflife wrote: »

He's 24 going 25.

And you still call him a kid!:eek:

I'm afraid it would be clothes in a bin bag on the doorstep and changed locks if he were mine!

bubbleoflife_2

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

And you still call him a kid!

I'm afraid it would be clothes in a bin bag on the doorstep and changed locks if he were mine!

I've been tempted many times ...I'm trying to be as patient & diplomatic as possible for a little longer. I did say to him that he's welcome to leave during a recent argument. As BugAunty pointed out he does regress to toddler tantrums disguised as I-send-cvs-everyday or you-try-to-control-the-situation type of things or 'you always....etc ' . Actually, I don't always ask him about his life so as NOT to get into arguments. He can be really stroppy about it

BigAunty wrote: »

Yes, patience, firmness and diplomacy is key. If he's learned that by kicking off, he gets his own way, he will inevitably sabotage conversations that he's not comfortable with....
Think seriously about whether or not you want to issue an ultimatum because there is no point in saying something like 'Unless you pay me x out of your JSA each week, abide by the house rules and help out more around the house, you need to leave this week'. Have got the stomach to put his belongings in bin bags and pop them out on the lawn, take the key off him and change the locks if he doesn't comply?.

I talked to him yesterday evening and he didn't take it very well, so I tried again this morning and he seemed to be more in 'listening' mode and explained to him that sending CVs only is not enough. He has to go into agencies in person. I hope he's going to do that soon.

schweppes wrote: »

I'm totally shocked that a 25 year old man is acting like this (and this is coming from a 28 year old bloke!)

You should just tell him that in your house he lives by your rules and you expect a contribution to the household - if he'd prefer to pay that money to a landlord then !!!!!! off and find a place of his own!!
...

we agreed that friends should be out before Midnight because I need to get some sleep (I do work!)
I will mention about him considering looking for a shared accomodation. But I have suggested that that he walks into IT agencies and look for contracting work not necessarily close to home

xylophone wrote: »

http://www.datascope.co.uk/jobs_games_design.html

Start searching?

I've emailed him the link.

Thank you all I'll give you an update in a 3 weeks time or so....

missbunbury

Right, I have got actual career advice for him - my OH has a good job in IT. "Game design" as an ideal job is very specific and quite difficult to get into so I imagine your son might want to broaden his horizons a bit.

My OH went to uni and got a general IT qualification which he found to be of minimal help in getting good jobs. So instead he got a reasonably cruddy job doing telephone tech support for a major ISP, where he absolutely threw himself into being the best techie they had. He built up a good enough reputation internally that he got out of the phone-answering and into an actual "doing IT" job in the same place, which was enough to get him a move up to a different company doing real IT stuff and since then he has been promoted several times and is earning a decent salary and enjoying his work.

The reason my OH took the cruddy job was that I wasn't able to support both of us - it was literally a case of either he worked or we lived with less money than the dole, times were so dark. And I'm actually glad now that we were in that situation, I wish I could go back and tell myself then how well it was all going to work out!

brokenlily

I work with unemployed young people, your son's age, and I would recommend the following steps for him, if he wants to get out of the slump.

1) Find volunteering opportunities. There may be charities around who would welcome his IT skills - games design is essentially like software development, so they might want someone to write a database, develop a website etc. This shows motivation and will give him work experience.

2) Talk to his local Nextstep careers advice service.
https://nextstep.direct.gov.uk/Pages/home.aspx
There is lots of online advice there or he can find where advisers are based so he can go see someone in person. They can offer help with CV's and covering letters - he may be making basic mistakes with those and that is why he's not getting in front of employers.

3) Find out from his local Jobcentre Plus if there are any schemes around for young people. I run an 8 week scheme (not the work programme) which helps young people to get work experience, and we do employability training, confidence building that sort of thing. The work placements can often lead to a job if the young people impress.

4) If he really is feeling very low about his situation, then he should speak to his GP about the possibility of depression, and perhaps be referred for CBT therapy which can help to change negative thought patterns.

5) missbunbury's advice is quite right - sometimes getting in with an IT company even at the bottom level is a positive step. Young people I work with frequently make the mistake of thinking that they will walk straight into their dream job when they leave college or uni, whereas more often than not they will need to take some steps to get there. Seeing a Nextstep advisor may help him to be able to put a plan in place and help him realise that he may have to start at the bottom and work his way up. I started working in 1st line IT support 6 years ago, and I am now a project manager and I don't even work in IT now!

6) He could consider the possibility of an internship with a games design company - usually these are unpaid, but it is work experience, if this is really and truly what he wants to do.

7) Look at short courses that are available at the local FE college. Some part time courses are open to JSA claimants if they are less than 16 hours study per week. He might be able to gain extra qualifications free.