handling spare cash in care home

spaghetti_monster

Hi there,
I did post this on the over-50's board, but not sure if that was the best place.....
Just had a quick question as my FIL will be moving into a care home next week.

He's in the regular part of the home (not the nursing part), but (according to their criteria) needs maximum help and attention. He can already be quite hard to get through to and has also been diagnosed with the beginnings of dementia.

One thing we're wondering how to handle is his spare cash/ pocket money. He won't really need much now - just for ciggies, very basic groceries (coffee, biscuits, bread).
Over the last weeks he's lost his wallet several times (it was always in the house somewhere). The last time there was €600 in there - he thinks that's a normal amount to carry around for popping to the shops.

He was always a bit like this, but a neighbour just told us that FIL asked him to buy 3 light bulbs for him - and then tried to give him €150 for them.

I think (though it's hard to get to the bottom of his reasoning!), that as he's not so mobile anymore, whenever he manages to get to the bank he just gets loads out to last him.
Also I think it's a part of his personality - there's a spare room in his house that looks more like shop (why buy 10 loo rolls when you could have 100?????)

Does anybody have any advice how we could handle the situation? We want him to be free to use his money how he wants, but want to try and limit the amount he has on him at any one time.

pinkfluffythings

Most nursing homes will keep money in their safe for him and keep an eye on how much he needs and that he's keeping it safe.

xx

spaghetti_monster

Thanks for the reply! I will check with OH as he's mostly handling things and seems to think that there isn't a safe. (Seems a logical idea to have one to me!)

meritaten

hun - this is part of the dementia - if he is going into a care home then I would be asking THEM how his money is handled. Why on earth do you think that he can handle his own money? with all that evidence to the contrary? a care home should be taking care of his needs and you need to discuss with them how much cash he can have available to him.

PoorCharleyBear

our mother is in a care facility.
She has early Altzeimers and was always losing money.

Now we kids draw her money out for her and leave her 'pocket money' (feels awful saying that) of about 40pw, all in £5 notes so that she does not get so confused between the various notes. It has been in place about a year and seems to be working well. If she loses the money- well £40 is a lot to her but not the end of the world,

Good luck- it is so hard to know what to do for the best with parents.

spaghetti_monster

Thanks for the replies.

Actually my own Dad just died of an Alzheimer-related infection after suffering for several years. He was cared for by my Mum, who ended up giving him "pocket money" - pretty much necessary but it really wound him up!

I will definitely ask OH to speak to the home - this must be a pretty common situation, so I can't believe they don't have some kind of system. (Just wondered if anyone had experience of it - we've had a lot of questions to ask, but this one just came up today).

I guess we're just in that situation where we're trying to find a balance and not taking away all his independence.

lallysmum

My mum moved into a care home 5 weeks ago, also with dementia and other health problems. I initially gave her her purse with £30 in, it got spent on hair dressers, papers, a couple of bits.

She then got a bit paranoid and kept hiding the purse so no one could take it, but kept forgetting where she hid it. And then getting really distressed about it.

her purse is now in a drawer in the care home's office, I have a signed receipt telling me they have it and exactly how much is in the purse, they keep a tally of any money spent and tell me when she needs more. I am almost positive that the home your FIL is going in will have a similar policy.

lallysmum

Oh, and they also keep her cigarettes in the same drawer, to prevent her sneaking into the toilet and attempting to light up *sigh*

spaghetti_monster

FIL is pretty much a chain-smoker, but they allow smoking in the rooms.

Sorry to hear about your Mum, lallysmum. My Dad had Alzheimer's and spent a long time in mid-stage (loads of challenging behaviour). FIL is in the early stage - we notice quite a few things and he's been officially diagnosed, but the rest of the family refuse to believe he's got it. He's also got quite a few other health problems, which are the main reasons he's moving to the home.

Mojisola

lallysmum wrote: »

I am almost positive that the home your FIL is going in will have a similar policy.

And if they don't, they should have.

lallysmum

Ooh, mum would love it if she could smoke in her room, sadly not possible with an oxygen tank in there, lol

It's flipping freezing taking her outside to smoke.