Should you/Could you forgive and forget if

victory

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Plans_all_plans

I think it entirely depends on the personalities of the people involved myself.

If the person I'd fallen out with was a dour faced old biddy who wouldn't appreciate the gesture, then I probably wouldn't bother. However, if I felt as though there was real hope of a reconciliation, then I would get in touch. You never know, their diagnosis may have changed them in some way.

meritaten

Hypothetical question Victory? then it never hurts to send a card saying you are sorry to hear that someone is ill - if thats how you TRULY feel! if you really couldnt care less, then stay away - they dont need hypocrites around them at this time!

Zoetoes

I fell out with my next door neighbour a couple of years ago and wouldn't send her anything. Also, if it was the other way round and I became ill and she sent me something, I wouldn't want it.

Emmarillo

Only you know the personalities involved. However if it was me I would send a card leaving the ball in their court as to whether they want to get in touch with you or not. The cost of a card is nothing but might really make that persons day,and if not they can bin it. It's up to them.

I know it's just a silly saying but I really believe that you regret the things that you don't do,and not the things you do.

chirp

There can never be anything wrong in forgiving someone. Infact you will feel a lot of peace within yourself if you do so. What is the meaning of life if we cannot forgive someone who is close to his death-bed? There would be nothing hypocritical about it if you say a kind word to him. Anger, hatred and jealousy takes a back seat when one is close to death. It all seems frivolous and meaningless. You will never regret sending a card to him or communicating with him, but you may always have a nagging guilty conscience for the rest of your life if you don't do so.

Red_Cat

I don't think it's ever too late to forgive and start to build a friendly relationship. But two things matter:
1. The first party to hold the olive branch out has to mean it genuinely
2. The second party can always still say "get stuffed" or similar and that may antagonise the first party more than before.

BlondeHeadOn

A friend of mine once told me that "people usually die the way that they have lived" - meaning that a negative and miserable person tends to remain so until the end, whereas a generally positive and caring person remains like that even during a terminal illness.

I must say, I now tend to think that she is right - IME people don't change the way they are when faced with severe illness and misfortune, they just become even more like they always were.

In your situation I would probaby send a card anyway, but not expect the person concerned to necessarily now be much easier to deal with. If in fact she has 'softened' then that will be a bonus.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

BlondeHeadOn

I've just read my first reply, and realised that it sounds a bit negative which I didn't mean! People can change, I know.



Didn't mean to sound all doomy......

bexxie90

i'm in this situation and in my case its my estranged father,I thought about it but have decided I dont want to,I feel better knowing I am not doing anything rather than make a false effort when there are no feelings there on either side...all he would do is mess my head up.
Go with your gut feeling x

londonsurrey

It's hypocritical if the reasons are hypocritical, e.g. because it's the done thing, to show others that you're doing it, to get at them(because you know that a card from you would annoy them)

It's not hypocritical if you genuinely want a reconciliation, or even if you hate their guts and don't want them anywhere near you, you can still want them to be well and wish them well.