I'm not in the wrong... am I?

sapphireeye

I wanted to get some opinions on a situation with a 'friend' and whether I'm in the wrong.

The scenario is that back in June my friend (of 3-4 years) was doing the London to Brighton bike ride and I sponsored him and thought it would be nice to go and meet him at the finish line because I knew it was a big deal for him and I wanted to support him so I asked him for all the details and he told me he'd let me know. I kept asking and he still wouldn't give me a solid answer so I brushed it off and we still kept in contact and did all the things we usually did.

Fast forward to the beginning of September, he's doing another (much smaller) race which he'd mentioned a while ago in passing and he texts me about 10pm on a Saturday night asking me to come to his race the next morning and I wasn't feeling too great and it was really late notice so I said I couldn't go and he starts to kick up a bit of a fuss. Anyway, I thought this was resolved, I'd explained my reasons for not going and I thought he understood until I noticed that he'd started to brush me off about other arrangements and eventually I confronted him early last month when he told me that he couldn't be bothered to make the effort to meet up with me anymore because I hadn't made the effort to go and see him in this race.

Am I wrong to be really offended by this? I had really wanted to support him in his June bike ride and he'd not got back to me despite me constantly asking about it and I didn't make a big deal about it, I just let it pass yet I'm expected to go and see him in a race at the drop of a hat when he wants me to. I pointed this out to him to try and get him to see things from my point of view, I didn't not go to his September race out of spite, it just was bad timing and if he had really wanted me to go that much surely he should have asked earlier rather than leaving it til the last minute? I think he's being very petty about the whole thing and basically we haven't spoken since because he won't give me the time of day. I've pretty much written him off as a friend but I want to know whether I'm in the wrong because I consider myself to be a good and supportive friend and this whole thing has made me doubt myself!

Seanymph

Of course you aren't wrong.

If someone invites you to something you have the option of attending or not. It appears he wasnt' inviting you, but summoning you. As an adult there are very few people that have the right to summon me to anything - and friends aren't in that category!

Silly man.

Alias_Omega

Probably had someone there for the June race, and did not want you to meet them. Appears now that this race might have had a drop out, and your the next in line.

I would ignore/avoid and they will come back on side when they have calmed down.

Sooki

I think you've answered your own question, this bike (so called friend) person sounds like a conceited self centred idiot who has you as his back up mate, & his nose has been put out of joint as you were not sitting around pining for his approval to join in with his venture when it suited him. You sound like a fab friend to have (I know it must hurt or you wouldn't of posted) but you deserve better friends and they are out there. Ditch the ignoramus he doesn't deserve you!

olibrofiz

Sooki wrote: »

I think you've answered your own question, this bike (so called friend) person sounds like a conceited self centred idiot who has you as his back up mate, & his nose has been put out of joint as you were not sitting around pining for his approval to join in with his venture when it suited him. You sound like a fab friend to have (I know it must hurt or you wouldn't of posted) but you deserve better friends and they are out there. Ditch the ignoramus he doesn't deserve you!

Yep, agree with that

FBaby

Are you sure it is not just a big misunderstanding? It seems far-fetched that he would brush you off just because you didn't go to that race when he told your the day before, yet wasn't bothered for you to go to the other one. Could it be that he did tell you before but you forgot or something like that? he sounds disproportionally upset, so either he is a drama queen, or something else is going on.

McKneff

I know you said you didnt go to the 2nd race out of spite but in your heart of hearts and only you can answer it to yourself, was there even a small element of 'teaching him a lesson' be really honest with yourself as least, not that I blame you in the slightest, it's human nature after all, I think we've probably all done it.

As it is, just do you own thing till he gets in touch.

sapphireeye

Thanks for all the responses so far. I know someone else went to see him at the race in September so he wasn't there on his own. It does hurt to feel like I'm being ditched as a friend when I can't see that I've done anything wrong!

FBaby, he definitely didn't invite me before, I'm the most organised person in the world, I never cancel on my friends and I definitely wouldn't forget that they'd invited me to something like that. He had always been a bit last minute about making plans but not quite this last minute! I can't think of anything else that I could have done to upset him, everything was fine between us until then, I even went shopping with him to help him choose a birthday present for his boss' 50th birthday party.

McKneff, I'm not really the type of person to want to take revenge, I have a very easy going approach to life and I wasn't too worried about missing his June bike ride because a) It would have cost me a lot of money in petrol or train fares to go to Brighton and b) I just assumed that he wasn't that bothered about having my support for that sort of thing, which was fine. I had offered because I thought it would be a nice thing to do as he'd put a lot of effort into getting sponsorship money rather than because I had a burning desire to go and watch him! Therefore I definitely wasn't turning down the September race out of spite, I'm just not very good at making last minute plans, I wasn't feeling great and I was due to go back to university that evening (I'm a mature student living away from home) so I wanted to spend the time with my family. Plus it was a much smaller race so I hadn't realised it was such a big deal!

Lotus-eater

You sound like a very supportive friend and he doesn't sound worth the hassle.

Agree with the point that he had someone else drop out.

j.e.j.

IMO you can't just ring someone up at 10pm and ask(/demand!) that they meet you the following day. Maybe a pattern has formed where he's used to doing this and is not expecting you to have anything else arranged, and has got the hump that this time you didn't do as he expected you to! The friendship sounds a bit one-sided to me.

scheming_gypsy

sapphireeye wrote: »

'friend'

the old 'friend' didn't slip past me.

Is he a friend or are you 'friends' *wink wink nudge nudge*? As obviously it's different if you're just mates or if you're 'friends'. If you're 'friends' *wink wink nudge nudge*, maybe he thinks you couldn't make it as you had another 'friend' over and he got jealous?