Really scared and tearful today :(

BitterAndTwisted

It's quite natural for you to feel the way you do. Change of any kind is frightening and your life and the life with Mr BR is about to change very radically and in ways you quite haven't understood yet.

Once you're properly on the road to debt-free-land it will not be as hard as it is now. Your DMP will give you enough for a half-decent life with the odd modest treat now and then. You won't have the same stress of wondering how you're going to manage from day-to-day any more. You'll have a strict budget and finding ways to make it stretch will turn from irksome no-fun duty to a challenge and then maybe something like fun.

Have you popped over to the Old-Style part of the forum yet? Had a peek at the cheap-family-recipes.org website?

BlushingRose

Thanks Twisted,
We're hoping that it's going to start being fun....I've already rejoiced because I found 30p under something on the table...I popped it into the jar I'm using for my sealed pot (until I get a better thing to use).
Mr BR has been upstairs and has dug out some dvds which he's checked the selling price of on the CEX website and hopefully they'll give us a bit of cash to tide us over until pay day on the 20th.
I haven't been over to the Old-Style part of the forum yet, but I will, I promise. I already cook everything from scratch at home although can't batch cook as we don;t have a very big freezer.

cottonhead

I find that cleaning something in the house - scrub the oven - declutter a cupboard or the wardrobe etc gets your mind off things and leaves you feeling like you have achieved something. Also exercise - wrap up warm and go for a brisk walk or have a nice long bath and a bar of chocolate. Crying and then a good nights sleep does help so dont feel weak - its a ormal emotion and you will feel better for it aftwards. Talk it all through with your OH and come up with a written plan. I sat down for the forst time yesterday and wrote done a plan on how to pay off my stupid payday loan. It will take till next May but hey if I didnt come up with a plan I might have it for years. Now I can see that by the summer it will be gone that makes me feel so much more hopeful. Plan something nice for the 2 of you to do together, Doenst have to be something that costs lots. Maybe have a night in and watch a film you both like and have some nibbles or go for a nice walk in the country and take a flask of hot chocolate !
It will get better X

BlushingRose

Thanks cottonhead.

It's like every day something comes along to make our situation feel (or BE) worse.
Like today, I've found out about the remit for child tax credits that I think Mr BR is getting for his child, which might mean that not only are we no longer eligible, but that we might have to pay something back as well!

bubble32

Dear BlushingRose ,

A long walk or a jog usually helps me see things in a different light.
I hope you are feeling better . I m sorry I cant give you any money advice as Im a newbie, but im sure you can do this, just need to take it one day at a time. Good Luck .

BlushingRose

Thanks bubble x

Horseunderwater

The first thing to do Blush is get all financial paperwork in one place and sort it into each one name. Ie all bills like utilities and phones and mortgage council tax etc then you sort them into 2 piles of must pays and what I call token debt pays.
Must pays are as follows: Council tax and TV licence followed by Mortgage/rent, utilities of Gas/Elec/land line phone/Water/Insurances for car/house and anything else essential. Food and house stuff. Get these running and paid and sorted by contacting them all and explaining to them your situation. If you have mortgage arrears, there may be a grant from the utuility companies available that can be given to you for helping you pay those back. Involves forms filling out, but I have done it and got there. I know that my water company did do this, look up grants on google. Help is out there.
Next you get all the non secured debts frozen so no more interest is added to the debts. This should have been done as soon as this started happening. Then all you do is pay a token £1 each month to each creditor until you can get either an IVA sorted, or decide if you should go down Bankruptcy route. The latter is a serious option and not to be taken lightly.
What stuff in your house do you own that could be sold on line? Amazon in the UK is good as it is free to list and item will sit there till it sells. Ebay on the OH has list fees and final sell fees as well as some other fees. Can you do house cleaning for others in your area or take in some ironing or perhaps do some shopping for the elderly. All small things for which you can charge a fee and make some cash. And it will get you out of the house. Even washing nappies for others can be lucrative. There are so many things that one can do and when you get them all working correctly things get better and you feel better and so on it goes.
I have been through this twice now. The first time I was a real mess as well and did not cope well with it all. That was 1996. The 2nd time was 2004 and both times it was Christmas when it all went bad! I did it all on my own with some guidance from Council housing officer debt counselling and looking up my rights and the rules of what a creditor could and could not do legally. Took me a year to catch up mortgage arrears and I was then able to re mortgage with an off high street lender. I kept up the payments every month thus getting my Mortgage properly established again. I then did that again with Abbey (Santander) for 5 years fix. And my financial accounting is now so tight and honed, that I know I can achieve anything now. You can too. I did have quite a bit of equity in my house, so was able to consolidate debts onto one payment and also borrow some more to get my house fixed up to make it liveable once again. I know that proabably is not doable with some of the amounts you owe. I did read the other thread. But you can do it.

cottonhead

As soon as you see a drop in income ( re the tax credit thing you found out about) sit down for 10 mins and see how it can be offset. Could you save a bit by cutting something off the food bill or mobile phone. Could you use the heating slightly less, downgrade your Tv package etc. Could you boost your income. I dont know if you are working or have kids.... could you do a few hours shelf stacking or cleaning ? How about setting up an ironing service so you can do it from home in front of the tv during the day. If its any consolation I expect your OH is feeling the strain but you know men dont show it as much and whether he admits it or not it might hurt his pride that you know he is in debt and he might feel guilty and so its just easier to avoid the subject.
I was in debt when I met my husband and I felt so bad. It wasnt his fault but he suffered because of it. We couldnt get a mortgage togther for example as my credit rating was rubbish. Anyway he supported me and we are stronger as a result.

BlushingRose

Thanks Horse,
It is just starting to feel as though as soon as we start to feel remotely positive about it all that it can be sorted out, something else comes along and makes it worse.
Atm the CCCS have advised a DMP but heaven knows what they'll advise after this. Plus it means I've got to tell Mr BR that he has to ring the tax credit people and that it'll be a drop in income and yet another creditor to pay. He's not going to like that one bit.

BlushingRose

cottonhead wrote: »

As soon as you see a drop in income ( re the tax credit thing you found out about) sit down for 10 mins and see how it can be offset. Could you save a bit by cutting something off the food bill or mobile phone. Could you use the heating slightly less, downgrade your Tv package etc. Could you boost your income. I dont know if you are working or have kids.... could you do a few hours shelf stacking or cleaning ? How about setting up an ironing service so you can do it from home in front of the tv during the day. If its any consolation I expect your OH is feeling the strain but you know men dont show it as much and whether he admits it or not it might hurt his pride that you know he is in debt and he might feel guilty and so its just easier to avoid the subject.

The mobile phone is PAYG and not used often, it's 7 years old so wouldn't bring any money in if it were to be sold.
We don't have a TV package, it's freeview.
I am looking for work, have been for a long time now but so far, nothing but the occasional interview.
*sigh* It just feels like it's getting worse and worse rather than better. I;d thought that contacting the CCCS would help and setting up a DMP would be the right thing to do, but I have a bad feeling about all of this now.