What to do for the best?

HappySaver1968

Hi,

I posted previously about my ongoing mental health problems and how they weren't being helped by a wife who cheated on me, took away my children, put me out my home and has taken away everything good in my life. She has been bothering me all weekend saying that I have to give her £200 per week which is impossible and I was under so much pressure that I got a knife and fully intended to end my life. Thankfully, my CPN came along this morning to see how I was getting on with my house move as I was supposed to move into my new house today but unfortunately I've had to postpone it.

We had a good chat about things and I told her that I really trust her. I said that I had something to give her and would appreciate if she would get rid of it for me. I told her the reasons why I wanted to get rid of it and why I didn't want to keep it around me as it kept playing on my mind and was a temptation to do things. She said she would "dispose" of it for me but what did she mean? she also said she might hand it into the police but I'm worried I'll get in trouble for this even though I haven't done anything with the knife. I think I did the right thing in giving it to her and accepting the thoughts I were having weren't right but now I'm worried I could get in trouble for being honest. I don't generally like being around knives and pills as I've had "experiences" shall we say with them in the past.

My wife continues to harrass me which is very unhelpful, she's saying all sorts of nasty things and is telling me I don't help and that my children mean nothing to me. She says I don't love them and I need to give her £200 a week or she'll go to the CSA but I've already been told by some helpful people on here that the CSA would take less from me than what she is wanting, much less. I accept that I have severe mental health problems but need to have the peace of mind in knowing that I'm not in trouble and that my nurse won't think I'm "weird" for giving her this chef's knife to take away with her. I had a visit from a social worker and she said she thought I was vulnerable. What to do?

Thanks, John.

Emmzi

I think giving the knife away was a great thing to do, well done! I am sure your nurse will think the same. If you had a drink problem you wouldn't keep booze in the house, now would you? Is the same.

Yes, let ex go to the CSA. If you are on benefits she can have £5 a week. If you are working she can have 15%/ 20% of income depending on kids and ages. So unless your take home pay is over £4,000 a month, I would encourage her to go to the CSA.

Hope you feel better knowing it is an empty threat!

Did your social worker suggest any help, because you are vulnerable?

make_me_wise

I dont have much experience to be able to advise you but couldn't read and run. The only person who can really say how she percieved you and what you are trying to cope with is your cpn. Can you call her and say you would like to chat things through? Ask her all the things that are worrying you and get the reassurance you appear to need. I hope you will feel much better about things soon.

HappySaver1968

Emmzi wrote: »

I think giving the knife away was a great thing to do, well done! I am sure your nurse will think the same. If you had a drink problem you wouldn't keep booze in the house, now would you? Is the same.

Yes, let ex go to the CSA. If you are on benefits she can have £5 a week. If you are working she can have 15%/ 20% of income depending on kids and ages. So unless your take home pay is over £4,000 a month, I would encourage her to go to the CSA.

Hope you feel better knowing it is an empty threat!

Did your social worker suggest any help, because you are vulnerable?

Yes, thank you. She said I can go into respite care for as long as I need. I hope to hear back from her soon with some dates. I appreciate your response, really good to hear kind words. I'm going to have something to eat but will check back later to see if there's been any further responses. Have a good evening.

John.

McKneff

Hello John, I'm sorry for your situation right now but I can give you the assurance that you won't get into trouble for giving your nurse the knife, she would probably think you were very sensible and thats a credit to you for having the sense to. So stop worrying on that score.

As for your wife, tell her yu would rather that she went to the CSA at least then things would be on an even keel for you and you would know exactly what was happening.

No doubt you love your children and they will know it.

Dont give her cash under any circumstances, she could deny ever having it. If you do give her money, On a cheque write the words
Child maintenance, or if its a bank transfer, put the same words in the reference. She cant then tell CSA that you havent paid and it will be added to your arrears.

All I can do is wish you well, hope everything turns out well for you

j.e.j.

I would tell your ex to go to the CSA. You can't possibly give her £200 a week.

Also mention to your social worker that you're being harrassed.

CH27

Let her go to the CSA hun.

maidincornwall

Your CPN will probably hand the knife in as part of a knife amnesty at the police station, you will not get into any trouble, but she probably wants to make sure she disposes of it properly, you did absolutely the right thing giving it to her to dispose of. MIC

Primmer

You did the right thing by handing the knife to your nurse as you said you needed to get it away from you.
I think you are right that your wife needs to go through the csa and hopefully that will also keep her from keep contacting you about money.
I hope you get some dates for respite care as it sounds like you need to after all you have been through.

Gingernutty

As other posters have said, you did a good thing making sure the knife was in safe hands and your CPN will more than likely hand it in to a police amnesty bin - you are not in trouble with the police.

The CSA will demand less from you than your ex who sounds like she has mental health issues of her own.

You have a lot of bad things happen quite suddenly and yes, you are depressed. Anybody would be in your situation. The fact that you are seeing a CPN, a social worker and are looking to get back on your feet is a good thing, you can only take your recovery at a pace you are comfortable with.

I wish you well.

charlieann

HappySaver1968 wrote: »

My wife continues to harrass me which is very unhelpful, she's saying all sorts of nasty things and is telling me I don't help and that my children mean nothing to me. She says I don't love them and I need to give her £200 a week or she'll go to the CSA.

Have you spoken to your CPN or anyone else about this?
Your wife needs to stop the harrassment and if you can't tell her someone else needs to step in on your behalf.
Don't get into discussions with her about money. If she asks for any use the broken record technique and reply to everything with 'I will pay you through the CSA' or something simular. Don't deviate from whatever phrase you use and she will eventually stop asking. I find this very useful for saying no to persistant people. If you change your response after a few times they will keep trying as they think you are changing your mind. As long as you are happy with your reason for your response you do not have to justify it to others, just repeat your response.