Moving in together/practical/financial help please!

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choccyface2006
choccyface2006 Posts: 2,304 Forumite
edited 5 December 2011 at 1:17PM in Marriage, relationships & families
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  • Kay_Peel
    Kay_Peel Posts: 1,672 Forumite
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    Crikey - what a lucky man. He's got debts, he's homeless, he's got nowhere to have his children to stay over but he's found someone who will disrupt her life, disrupt her family, share the debts and become much, much poorer for taking him and his problems into her home.

    You must be a saint.
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
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    How long have you been together? I ask because if he hasn't yet got the money from his ex for the house maybe it isn't all that long?
  • BitterAndTwisted
    BitterAndTwisted Posts: 22,492 Forumite
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    If you've been managing quite well working only part-time why do you think you would be financially worse off if your bloke moves in with you?

    In any case, you're not happy now about helping him pay his debts off, so imagine how you'll be feeling in a couple of year's time.

    You said that he's living with friends at the moment but needs to move out. Do not let this be the nudge that makes you do anything hasty or you'll all regret it. My own feeling is that he should move into his own place, somewhere he can have his kids overnight without crowding you and your own children in like sardines while you both work on a sensible long-term plan for combining your two households. I can see quite well how moving in with you would solve a lot of his problems: he's in debt, he'll have nowhere to live quite soon and he's going to see a minimum of equity coming out of the property he co-owns. I can't really see much in there for you and your family.
  • Brighton_belle
    Brighton_belle Posts: 5,223 Forumite
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    choccyface2006 wrote: »


    Give his girls our room and we sleep on a sofa bed or air bed downstairs. How long can they reasonable share a bed for though?
    Just picking up on a small point - I would think the 2 girls could share a double bed for 3 years at least. And by then, your eldest girl might have got a place with her boyfriend?
    I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once
  • Jessie11
    Jessie11 Posts: 108 Forumite
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    It sounds to me like you're really not sure. I think you should let him find his own place for a year - if he really loves you, he'll accept that.
    :heartsmil
  • Person_one
    Person_one Posts: 28,884 Forumite
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    Brighton_belle wrote: »
    Just picking up on a small point - I would think the 2 girls could share a double bed for 3 years at least. And by then, your eldest girl might have got a place with her boyfriend?

    Please don't make the eldest feel like you can't wait for her to leave. Its still her home too.
  • getmore4less
    getmore4less Posts: 46,882 Forumite
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    I live in a three bed terrace house at the moment and although the bedrooms are large, they are very awkward shapes (one is in the attic accessible via a ladder and the others have two doors and alcoves plus the ladder access in one room)

    Do you have planning and building regs for an attic bedroom by ladder
  • Brighton_belle
    Brighton_belle Posts: 5,223 Forumite
    edited 30 November 2011 at 7:19PM
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    Person_one wrote: »
    Please don't make the eldest feel like you can't wait for her to leave. Its still her home too.
    You are quite right Person one, and I hate the fact that some older kids have no where to go once shortly new partner moves in etc.
    I hadn't meant to imply this, it was more thinking life always moves on and chnages and nothing stays the same. Just should have thought the way I expressed my answer through a bit more carefully .
    I also think all the children deserve to have their own space, for their own things, even if they don't live there permanently and those who do, to suddenly have to share would be veryspace invading I should think. Never forgot reading Jaqueline Wilsons 'The Suitcase Kid' :(
    A very difficult dilemma.
    I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once
  • onlyroz
    onlyroz Posts: 17,661 Forumite
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    If you got a full-time job would you be able to afford a 4-bed place?
  • Poppy9
    Poppy9 Posts: 18,833 Forumite
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    Sorry I have to say you must be mad!

    You are financially stable at present and you are obviously a good money manager to achieve this while working part-time.

    Your girls have security and space in your own home.

    Your BF, who earns far more than you, is homeless and in debt! He is lodging with friends so you have to query where all his money goes.

    Not sure how long he's been separated/divorced but could he not have lived with his parents short term to pay off his debts?
    :) ~Laugh and the world laughs with you, weep and you weep alone.~:)
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