Update from Tink - I done it!!!

Shovel_Lad

Please excuse a newbie for butting in but I have lurked on the DFW forum for a while and wanted to add another voice to this discussion as I do not think you have made the right choices here.

You have lied to your husband about how much debt you were in before (Post "In way over my head" 08-10-2010):

tink28 wrote: »

I am trying to deal with it by myself as my husband doesn't know - well he knows about £10k of it....

and you have lied to him again now.
He was understandably upset about your position but has resolved to work through it with you and offered to make sacrifices on your behalf. In short he has forgiven your behaviour, a difficult step for many to take in the first place, but one that shows his commitment to you. Not tellling him about the extra £8k implies that you do not respect him or your relationship enough to be truthful with him and your commitment to him is weak if not non-existent.
If I were him you would have to be praying that I never found out about the extra debt because that would spell the end to the relationship without a doubt. Not because of the amount of money, but because of what your lies would tell me about you and your opinion of me.

tink28 wrote: »

To be honest the other debt is just loans etc through family, the main ones I was worried about was the serious debt, credit cards, loan, and overdraft.
With the extra money I will have each month I can pay the other stuff back without much hassle so its all good

Could you also explain this? You say you have told him about £24k of debt but according to your signature you owe £32332.50 None of this seems to be famly related. Do you have more debt to family over and above that specified in your signature or have you got them to take out credit cards and payday loans on your behalf, which are listed there? Apologies if I have misunderstood this but it has left me very confused. In any event, these are still debts that IMO you should be telling your husband about as they are outgoings from the family budget that you must otherwise hide.

I'm sorry to sound so harsh but if you value your relationship you should come clean with him completely and stop treating him like the local village idiot with your "need to know" policy. You are bound to come undone in the end.

pelirocco

In your SOA last year you posted these debts

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly.. .APR
Credit Card....................5750......50........27
Credit Card....................2500......50........18.9
Loan...........................11850.....232...... .18.9
Joint Loan.....................11000.....115.......7.8
Total unsecured debts..........31100.....447......


Do you still have a joint loan or is this included in the amounts in your signature . How much ( and who to ) do you owe the money you havent yet confessed to your OH ?

Maybe you should post an up to date SOA , 2 years seems a very short time to repay this amount of debt

tink28

pelirocco wrote: »

Would he be so understanding if he found out you havent told him the truth ? How are you going to explain away the rest of the money you have to repay?

Well I will be paying the other stuff bit by bit with the money I will be keeping for myself... My main concern was the 24k... thats what I've defaulted on so its fine - the other stuff is nothing I'm majorly worried about.. am pretty sure I can deal with that on my own...

seriousDFW

Good luck with the debt-busting, it will be MUCH easier having shared it!

Have to say though, you should consider telling all...no point in keeping more secrets once it's out!

pelirocco

tink28 wrote: »

Well I will be paying the other stuff bit by bit with the money I will be keeping for myself... My main concern was the 24k... thats what I've defaulted on so its fine - the other stuff is nothing I'm majorly worried about.. am pretty sure I can deal with that on my own...

This is harsh , but you posted a year ago that you were in severe debt and nothing has moved on from there , do you hand on heart think you can do this by yourself ? you havent been 100% honest with your OH over how much you owe , you really need to know exactly where you are and can you realistically repay this debt in two years

Standingtall

Crumbs shovel lad, you are not Tinks other half are you? I often wonder if people get caught on this forum and you sound very upset!

Tinks: be careful because if your OH decided to have a look on this forum after your bombshell, you would be fairly easy to identify!

Wannabefree1

Standingtall wrote: »

Tinks: be careful because if your OH decided to have a look on this forum after your bombshell, you would be fairly easy to identify!

That's a very valid point and not something I'd thought of :eek:

Shovel_Lad

Standingtall wrote: »

Crumbs shovel lad, you are not Tinks other half are you?

Probably not. :eek:

dark^knight

Shovel_Lad wrote: »

Probably not. :eek:

probably not...sounds very suspicious.

Standingtall

Yes, you could almost read that as "probably not ... Any longer!!":(