Going from 2 to 3

JC9297

If I were you I would not wait until the others were so old before having a third, if you decide to have one. You would have a pair of children that you can start doing more grown up things with and then a younger child that can never do the same things.
Regarding the problems regarding finances, space etc. that all depends on personal circumstances.

Peater

Can't you be just content that you have conributed to the decline of mother-earth enough with the 2 kids you already have?

tod123

OP you obviously are unsure, and based on that you should not bring another life into the world.

Bumpmakesfour

Peater wrote: »

Can't you be just content that you have conributed to the decline of mother-earth enough with the 2 kids you already have?

Oh dear.:silenced:

Blue_Monkey

A guy I worked with had a boy and girl, they decided to try for #3 and ended up with twins, one of which has severe special needs. He says he loves his family dearly, but in hindsight would've been grateful with just the first two.

A friend of a friend had two girls, they thought they'd try for a #3 and hoped for a boy. They had triplet girls!!!!!

I guess all pregnancies could result in multiples or special needs, but just some food for thought really - how/could you cope if any of the scenarios happened to you!?

Alikay

The negatives we found was that we felt 3 children was too much for the grandparents or friends to manage for babysitting. So although we'd had occasional nights out as a 2 child family, DH and I didn't go out together more than once a year once there were 3. We were also a bit of a mob to be asked round to visit friends or family so we became the hosts for any gatherings. We could never get a taxi anywhere (though I believe there are 6 seater cabs these days) and booking holidays was difficult too (still managed to confuse the receptionists and ram 5 of us plus an airbed in Travelodge rooms though:D) .

I could write an essay, or maybe a thesis on the joys of having 3 though, but mine are 17, 20 and 23 now so the hard work is done!

clearingout

I had two boys and found myself unexpectedly pregnant with the third just after my now ex husband walked out. In terms of coping with the third, he has been a breeze - I don't know if that's his personality (he is very laid back), the fact that I had talked to myself more times than I care to remember about how I was going to have to cope, nothing else for it, whether it's just that much easier the third time or whether not having a partner around to interfere meant I had the time and space to do things my way which made for a more contented baby (and I did do things differently with him than I had with the other two - co-sleeping for a start!). Probably a combination of everything!

In terms of money, I cope. I have far less in my pocket than I ever have (my ex doesn't contribute) but I would say I find the third child in terms of the cost of childcare, having to buy 3 packets of sweets, three books, three toys etc. etc. a real bind. You can't treat one, you have to treat three! They consequently don't have as much as I would like and they don't do as many activities as I would like but they do have each other and are very close and get on well - they are today 7, 4 and 2. It helps that they are all the same sex from a clothing point of view and I am ruthless about keeping stuff which is decent for the next one.

In terms of my body, well, I can't say I noticed any 'stress incontinence' after the first 2, but it has been an issue with the third one (who had a big head!). Other than that, I am overweight anyway so can't say I notice much of a difference - not like I had a flat stomach to return to! All three of my pregnancies were miserable in terms of sickness so no difference with the third!

You don't get any rest whatsoever with the third one as you are constantly on school runs, activity runs etc. I suspect in the early days I probably shouldn't have driven as much as I did. I did worry a lot about disability - probably 'cos of the stress I was going through more than anything with my ex and I was prepared to consider terminating the pregnancy should anything have shown up in tests (I was 38 when pregnant as well). Thankfully, it was never an issue. I have a few issues in that my eldest is probably dyspraxic and needs a lot of support with his schooling (we are going through getting a diagnosis at the moment) and my middle child has a severe speech delay and I've gone private for speech therapy 'cos we waited and waited and waited on the NHS. I suspect the third one is also moderately delayed with his speech although I am crossing my fingers he corrects himself as I have all the tools to help him now. In this respect, as a single mum, it's hard to give them all the attention they really need and two would have been fairer on the first two.

I wouldn't change it, but I would have their father put his girlfriend down occasionally and contribute both emotionally and financially!

bexxie90

Well i'm going to be honest here....I have a DD who is 12 Jan,a DD who is 4 and my darling DS who is 19 months....I can honestly say since he has been born it has been exhausting. I have not so much had a minute to put on some mascara!

My two girls slept well,entertained themselves and were generally quiet souls who just let me get on with my own thing..Having my DS is the same I would say as having the Tazmanian Devil around,in one minute he can run to bathroom and grab cleaning products,get all toilet paper off roll, climb up and chuck all toothbrushes down the toilet,then in same minute you will find him scribbling on the walls with god-knows what as you think you've thrown out every conceivable writing implement.

I have probably given a negative view but I have found it tough personally,you may not.

Things that have gone up is Food is more,three kids eat a heck of a lot more than two,my baby eats for britain but then if you bake etc this isnt a huge amount. Clothes not particularly noticed extra as I use the child benefit for all kids clothes. Ok with normal car,eldest sits in middle though she does grumble a lot and fights with DD (4) a lot...

I find the hardest thing in my house is eldest arguing with DD and then DS pushing DD (4) around poor little thing she really gets it being a middle child so I make an extra fuss of her but not so others would notice.

Its also hard having a single as the eldest and then double as two youngest,think if i'd have had a choice would have been 2 close together then another 1-2 6-7 years later,I dont think however you do it makes it perfect,its what works for you at the time.

I didnt map any of my kids conceptions out,had DD (12) at 24 then after 9 m/c's fell for DD(4) then fell on pill with DS so I guess they were all meant to be.

Pregnancy-wise were tougher in last two as had SPD but a third can be quick as DS took 9 minutes in total labour and was a hefty 8lb 6 weeks early so i wont be having another.

x

Nicki

bexxie90 wrote: »

I can honestly say since he has been born it has been exhausting. I have not so much had a minute to put on some mascara!

My two girls slept well,entertained themselves and were generally quiet souls who just let me get on with my own thing..Having my DS is the same I would say as having the Tazmanian Devil around,in one minute he can run to bathroom and grab cleaning products,get all toilet paper off roll, climb up and chuck all toothbrushes down the toilet,then in same minute you will find him scribbling on the walls with god-knows what as you think you've thrown out every conceivable writing implement.


x

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

You have just summed up my whole life since DS2 was born in a few short sentences! I wouldn't change it for a second though. Those rare few moments when he is sound asleep looking angelic see me through

tigerstriper_2

Thank you all for for sharing your experiences. It's good to look at things from different perspectives and I will mull it over for the next year or so. I am the youngest of 3 with age gaps of 6 and 8 years between myself and my brothers but it was never an issue growing up.

My oldest was so laid back that I think we were spoiled to have him. Ds 2 however, is a different story!! At least now he is calming down and turning into a lovely, well behaved boy - he just did not suit being a baby!

In my heart I would dearly love to have another, the desire to have another child is such an ache. It's hard to explain but I'm sure some of the ladies will understand. I don't feel as though our family is complete but my head tries to rule and rational thoughts turn to my original post.