A new 'tougher' thread... and so it continues

Kimitatsu

mardatha wrote: »

Gailey, you're trying too hard. Chill xxx The kids aren't starving; the house keeps the cold & rain out; you've got a husband who loves you; the kids are growing up all the time you're just in the worst phase and that will pass. BREATHE!!
And spring is coming!

Good advice from Mardatha and she got there before me! Honey, your babies are just that babies, they dont realise that the mess they make stays there unless someone tidies it up (actually I have teenagers who are not much better!) your kids are happy and healthy and perfectly normal. You need to get some support for the sleeplessness, whether its from your health visitor or your husband or just a mother and toddler and group where you realise that you are not alone and that many others are having just the same issues as you.

All of us worry about the bill at the checkout or the cost of rising utilities or rent or mortgage. I used to feel just the way that you did when my babies were little and it took me to go to a parenting course and to listen to what some of the other parents had to put up with every day to realise the front that a lot of people put on every day (and trust me sometimes its the ones that you really dont think it will be)

Just remember this too will pass and happiness is about the journey not the destination (because every time we get there we see somewhere else we want to be)

Oh and no toasted sandwiches are not a bad thing now and then - sometimes we all need to give ourselves permission to NOT be perfect x

meme30

gailey wrote: »

Can I ask everyone a question?

its new year well day 8 of 2012
everyone has ambition expectation that this year be good
that you will make positive change
that you will be happp positive mood.

But every time see news/read paper its all gloom
other forums are bit doom and gloom too.

I want to be in a happy place.

I dont think the weathers helped my mood last week or so
have done loads and had days where felt like achieved not much.

Sometimes simple things like the house annoy me as should be straightfoward.
Its always seems like a battle for landlord/agency top do anything in good time.

The first week of new year had to contend with
grumpy baby
tantruming toddler

moody stressed hubby whos not here much.

keep thinking it has to get better

but then creeping thourghts in back of mind say what if it doesnt
what if it gets worse.

Going through finances should make me feel better as more in control.
however it just stresses mne as figures dont meet up and I wonder what to cut next?

In order to keep grocery bill down its a lot of work shopping around and trying to do even more cooking.

yesterday I cooked chicken broth/sopup from carcass and made fairy cakes.gave me nice oldstyle glow of happyness and satisfaction wish every day was like that.

I know people say money cant buy happyness but feel rubbish as very few of my real freinds seem to worry like I do and seem to spend loads more some days I wonder where did i go wrong with the budget.
Being here helps as realise im not the only one but reading freinds fb statuses makes me wonder how they do it.

Being in lidls/farmfoods less stressful than big 4 as worry at checkout its too much.
now try add up on calcualter as go round anyone else do that?
wanted to spend £20 in lidls yesterday and spent £26 dident get huge amount of stuff
even lidls going up on some things

with food going up
losing tax credits in april
wages not increasing as much
energy going up
rent going up.

feels like I worry too much

at moment we cant move
we have no savings
we live a basic frugal life even cut school dinners.

Anyone else feel same?

Maybe im just sleep deprived . feeling very lethargic today.
Think hubbys home at half 6
dident manage to sort party out as leisure centre not answering their phone
tea is unknown and not started and havent defrosted anything im so crap.
right now thinking toasted sandwiches would that be bad?

Oh dear! sounds like you are having a cr*p day! Your family sound delightfully normal and well loved. They certainly have a lovely Mam who cares so much for them and plans ahead to give them a safe and happy life. No one can get everything right, trying to achieve it means you will a Hamster running in it's wheel!! :eek:
Get off the wheel, take a deep breath and a large gulp of wine!
toasties sound just fine, put your feet up and enjoy your children.
Big hugs

Byatt

Gailey, tiredness always makes things seem worse, so like Kimi said, maybe talk to someone who can advise or help.

Another thing; can you have a date night with your DH...not sure how the logistics would work (who could babysit), but it's important you two have time for each other. I'm sure others could come up with "cheap and cheerful" suggestions, I'm out of touch with things like that :rotfl::o

It could be once a month but it would be something to look forward to.

edit: the years fly by, I know that, and you will wonder why you stressed so much, because the time with your children although it is hard work; it is also a time of real joy. Mother's guilt follows you whatever path you take; I wish I had been more chilled and not fussed when my DD didn't eat her greens, or drew on the wall. But if it wasn't that I'd wish I'd done this or that. As someone else said, you don't have to be good, you just have to be good enough. Don't worry what other people think of your home; it's your home and it can be what you like. I always prefer going to friends where there are toys on the floor, a mess in the kitchen, because it feels lived in and loved.

xxx

edit again: is anyone else missing the Xmas goodies now they're gone?

VJsmum

Gailey, I echo what others have said. You don't have to be good, you just have to be good enough. YOur kids will love you regardless.

kidcat

gailey - I can strongly recommend the taking a break for yourself - even a quiet coffee somewhere for an hour with a book/magazine anything. Would also recommend hiding the stampers before you go!!:rotfl:

Have had an ok day here, paint bought ready to begin tomorrow, OH took littlies bowling (looked totally harrassed upon return, also had to deal with DD17 and her antics over boyfriend solo - neither was happy!!)

Front of house now looks presentable (OH has been dumping stuff out front for tip!!) and small car emptied of rubbish - OH never takes his rubbish in unless major row.

Managed to get the shopping organised and have even sorted some of the under desk area out too - have not had so much energy in ages.

dad booked to change lock on door in morning as I found front door wide open this morning and DS7 didnt open it. Now as I know I locked it last night and I had the keys with me (under pillow) that only leaves someone else with a key from previous owner. Taking no chances and changing it first thing, putting dog bed behind it tonight (takes a fork lift to shift him.

Meal plan sort of organised for next few days, and have finally put a wipe board up in kitchen for a proper plane to be written every two weeks. Bought whoops fish in Mr T today and couldnt believe the proper price - would have cost £10 to buy enough for everyone for one meal:eek:

Mardatha - can you batch cook on your better days? failing that can you train the RV to do basic one pot dinners?

gailey_2

Thank you everyone you right im probably just having bad day.

im not super depressed just bit fed up as so want a more positive relaxing 2012.

I havent done any housework today just rested.

Kidcat toddler likes to draw on wall and mess with the washing powder thanfully no stampers.
although was quite stressful when she flooded bathroom before xmas.

I am enjoying them 2years old so cute and saying new sentances every day now and slowly becoming a little freind for her older sister. shes also most of time loving and caring big sister when shes not stepped on her baby brother.

Ny babys boys growing far too fast hes nosiy, hes started crawling, can sit by himself and today he pulled himself up on to his playtable. Hes such a smiler and so cuddly.

My 5year olds been entertaining me with her cheerleading moves, thinks shes grown up and says the funniest things. we watched short circuit together what a classic that film is.
But shes very much like my husband and maybe typical 1st child she gets bored easily alwys wants to be doing something, going out and socialising, needs attention which is why shes hardest when in whinge mode plus shes addys girl whos seen les of daddy and is acting up because of this!

Daddys he home hes had bad day hes tired grumpy and stressed.
hes longish day tommorow but droping eldest off at brekkie club.

toddler only wants me wright now I cant leave room without being followed,
when shes wakes 2-3times anight its only me who can get her back.
hubby sleeps through it. baby can sleep through its the girls who are little mokeys when you combine them all waking after a busy 14hour day with them plus tendancy to stay up late as only bit quiet me time I get .

Im having freind over for tea and wine wed as think shes got few problems she seems really down
rare night out sat down city centre se another freind rarly see,
told hubby we get currry and cheap wine friday when he gets paid and watch a film to cheer him up. hes under a lot of pressure as hes missing sale targets and his boss is onto him!

I would be fibbing if said his bad mood and stress is bringing me down im trying to be as supportive as I can but feel work life balance all wrong and its been that way for few months now.


Kidcat -lock sounds so scary was anything taken? never would have thourght about changing locks and moved a lot. well on bright side im like kort knocks no ioen can get in or out my front door.

right no wine off to get vodka and organge
put eldest to bed
and watch tv in bed probably falling asleep half way through programme.

The toasties were yummy did cheese and bacon with reduced bargains.
in mine did sundried tomatoes and mozzarella
served withe oven chips and sald.
worked out £1.70 for whole family as used lost reduced ingrediants.

Softstuff

Hi guys, Kimsmum and Byatt I'm ok, but thanks for the concern. Today is the first day hubby and I aren't on holiday (well, he was off work so we were sat on the sofa for nearly a fortnight!). I've also had a bit of a virus, it seems most of the in-laws got it, then I did, right after new year. I've been neglecting many things, the housework, here and blogging. Was hit by a bit of "so, it's new year now, you've really got to do something constructive!", but then felt a bit down wondering what!

I could use a job (part time, midweek), but I've been trying for that for 18 months now to no avail. Someone suggested I go back to school, but I have so many qualifications most employers say I'm overqualified. We're not on benefits either so would have to pay $8000 for even something simple like a massage course (there tend to be jobs for masseurs here) and that's more than a bit offputting. I'm thinking to make and sell things on the market, but was thinking of that 12 months ago to no avail. I can't bake for the market because due to where I live, the council won't approve and license my kitchen!

If a job isn't forthcoming I'll volunteer. But I'm a little worried that'll end up costing money (bus fares and whatnot) and they don't reimburse over here.

Still, the freezer is pretty full and will be inventoried today, the fridge is full of random and the cupboard has a small stockpile of bits that were half price or less recently, so we'll be more than fine this month.

BYATT - I suffered terribly with mould on wooden furniture because of the humidity here, but last year I scrubbed everything down and treated it with TSS and touch wood (ahem) since then, nothing. TSS is an australian anti mould liquid. I quickly googled and couldn't find it in the UK, but I'd bet if you headed into a DIY store there'd be an equivalent.

And I'm not missing the Xmas food yet, since I bought a heap of stuff very much reduced after Christmas! Anyone for brie? I have about half a kilo in the freezer, it was 66% off

kidcat

Well disaster has struck yet again - dog has cut his paw open, OH has no idea how but there is blood patches all over hall. He looks very down but sat calmly while I cleaned it up, antiseptic wiped it then added antiseptic cream to a pad and bandaged whole thing up. Used blue micropore tape to tape as much as possible then OH old sock over top. Trip to vet required tomorrow though, Thankfully OH off to help lift, as dog weighs 105lbs at last weigh in.

Blamed Ds for marks on floor at first - thought he had got hold of a different stamper:rotfl: but as my mum said, that was yesterdays trick he has a different plan for today :rotfl:

Kicking myself I didnt order those doggy walking boots for winter weeks ago, any ideas on where I can buy some pronto?

Byatt

Kidcat, that's not good someone coming into your home? Love the thought of the dog barring the way! :rotfl: Mine, she would roll over and go back to sleep!

Ooopsss now he has poorly paw.

My parents used to move a lot and my mother always got my dad to change the locks as soon as we moved in. I know landlords today won't be so accommodating.

Softstuff, good to hear from you again; sorry that you have had a virus though. Thanks for the tip for the mouldy wood; I have Googled a couple of places that seem to have something similar. Have you thought about pet sitting/dog walking?

kidcat

Byatt when we rented I always changed locks immediately but with buying and they handed over three keys I just trusted stupidly it would seem. Could be they left a key with a relative who.didn't know, opened door and saw dog and left without shutting door again. No way anyone came in, dog is soft as butter but if someone uninvited walked over threshold he would become loud and aggressive looking.

At house before last he dived over sofa to bark at window where someone was trying to climb in, growling and barking. Think I was most scared, guy ran off but dog had never barked before so I was shaking like a leaf.
But as he is poorly tonight have moved shoe cabinet over door, with bells on top. I plan on sleeping in living room to watch over dog.