How often do you go out socialising when in debt?

J3nesis

Agree that £30 is a pretty good night out

I'm paying off my debts and living frugally. I go out once a week, to keep myself sane! My orchestra goes to the pub after rehearsal on Thursdays, and if I don't go out with them I may go out with work friends after work on Friday. Either way I'm a complete lightweight, which does have its uses, so if I don't want a headache the next day I can only have 1 drink anyway.

Point: If he must go out, tell him to take £10 or £20 cash and just that, no cards, and small regular quick drinks out can be more fun and keep more sanity than a huge debt-inducing razzy night out. Save those for birthdays

Badger_Lady

I used to go out and drink lime and soda at 20p a pop. Of course you feel like you should be drinking, but if you're in the right mindset you can get just as lary and have just as much fun without!

My other half never did get the hang of it though (which grated because he was the one without an income). I'd give him £20 to go and play snooker, and he'd spend all night scrounging extra drinks from his mates.

One night I'll never forget: we joined the pub quiz in a team of 5 and won the snowball round, a total of £80! I was delighted because our share of that would really help to buy food that week. My OH turned to another couple in the team and said "We'd like to donate our portion to you guys, to help save for your wedding". The fifth person agreed and the couple were very grateful, so of course I had to appear gracious about it. But it just showed me how casually OH was taking our debt problems! :mad:

I'm afraid to say the problems were finally resolved when I dumped him. I put my head down and carried on working like a dog for 18 months, and finally cleared off all of his debts. Sorry I can't give you any helpful advice besides that!

antonic

My one night out for Xmas will be next Friday when I go out on my Teams Xmas Meal, I have saved £40 for the whole night (with no booze).

As for other times during the year , about once every 3 months and I`,m happy with that !

kerri_dfw

I go out probably about once a month now. That's normally round someones house first, as London is waaaay too expensive. I just can't afford to literally be throwing money down the toilet, I always feel horrid the next day, and why would I want to waste my day off feeling sorry for myself in bed when I could be putting that money towards being crafty or my allotment etc. My OH happily throws his money down the toilet, but when I can get merry on a tenner why bother spending much more?

jackyann

I think this is all about expectations - some from how your family or people around you socialised when you were growing up, and what you get used to as a young adult. I never had the "nights out" that so many pople seem to take for granted. When I was young our socialising was community stuff in the village & family, then I was a student, then trying to buy a house and then had a young family. So I ended up mixing with people who had the same ideas & budget as I did.
I am always astonished when people I work with, who earn less than I do, will throw £50 into the pot for a night out!
Mine has always been a shared meal & a bottle of wine. Once or sometimes twice a year we'll go to a concert, theatre or cinema and will then usually have a meal out - but I balk if the tickets are more than £20 apiece! We do attend village hall fundraiser type stuff (beetle drive £6 a ticket)

However, to be helpful:
If you have different ideas & expectations, sit down, talk and cost it out. Begin with "what I think would be reasonable"
eg: I think to have a reasonable life I would go to the pub once a week, meal out once a month, festival once a year etc etc.
Both of you do this and work out the cost, and see where it overlaps.
Then look at your budget and between you work out what you will be allowed - it always seems a good idea to have a budget, however tiny, that you don't have to justify or explain.
So it might be say £5 each a week and £10 for joint activities.

I would also say: look for free stuff going on around you - lots of communities have free or cheap activities, that you can round off with a drink at the pub.
And if you are scared of losing your friends - well they can't be real friends. They may also be happy if you suggest a shared meal, some card games, DVD or whatever as it will save them money as well!

SpagBol

Thanks everyone. You are right it is all about expectations, we are used to justifying a certain lifestyle but look where that got us!! The problem is the lightbulb moment happened first for me, he's struggling with it but he'll come round in the end he's lovely like that :j. I just wanted to see how everyone else coped and feel relieved that it isn't just me that thinks going out is a waste. I'll get him to read the thread and see what he says.

mrsb83_2

Probably on average twice a month, but we have a fixed budget for the month and once it's gone, it's gone. Sometimes that means one really expensive night out (taxis, food, bar instead of pub etc) or other months we can stretch to 4 nights at the local and a couple of takeaways.

Agree with Tixy though, if I had to use the credit card then I would never do it.

aliasojo

Badger_Lady wrote: »

My OH turned to another couple in the team and said "We'd like to donate our portion to you guys, to help save for your wedding".

:eek:

I just don't have to words to convey just how tightly I would have squeezed his 'bits' later on that night. Suffice to say he would have experienced extreme pain.

My Oh and I sing from the same sheet most of the time but he does get fed up now and then and wants to do things like buy treadmills or set up an expensive gym membership.

He always sees sense though, (after a little gentle discussion ) and we go back to bumbling along. Until the next time he gets fed up.

I think it's pretty natural for people's debt free routes to occasionally hit bumps in the road. Especially if one partner isn't putting quite the same importance on the situation. Communication and understanding is key I think.

However my communication with BL's OH would have been physical as I mentioned earlier. :rotfl:

janey183

must admit after reading all your comments I could do with cutting back
I spend around £10 on wine per week (my only vice!) :beer:and maybe £30 per month on a weekend lunch or drinkies in town.
Never go clubing anymore, my hips aint what the used to be:(
So thats on average £70 a month on a good time.....opps:(

mrsb83_2

janey183 wrote: »

must admit after reading all your comments I could do with cutting back
I spend around £10 on wine per week (my only vice!) :beer:and maybe £30 per month on a weekend lunch or drinkies in town.
Never go clubing anymore, my hips aint what the used to be:(
So thats on average £70 a month on a good time.....opps:(

We actually spend quite a bit more than this. We're lucky because we're able to aggressively pay down debt whilst also being able to budget for non-essentials.

I think as long you're able to pay down your debt and pay your bills then it's important to allow for £ for fun. That £ figure will be different for everyone.