How often do you go out socialising when in debt?

SpagBol

I am asking because my hubby is finding it really hard to come to terms with the fact that he can't throw £30 away on sambuca any more. Admittedly, he rarely does this but at this time of year he is in the "but it's only £30" place when the boys are hitting the pub even though he would have to get the £30 from a credit card. He says he understands but I'm sure he thinks I'm overreacting. I would like to know how often you and your partners get to go out and eat/drink? I now only socialise at people's houses!! If we have people here it is a "bring a dish" type evening but that is rare too. I tell him to drive but he says it's not the same, I agree but I had to do it when pregnant!!

I'm hoping by getting some responses hubby can read it and our plight will be put in perspective. Thanks in advance :beer:

Tixy

Personally once a month for a night out would be typical for me, and maybe once more for a meal out or something like the cinema. As its xmas I guess I'll have an extra 1 or 2 cheapish nights out on top of that. But thats all from disposable income and I still pay more a lot more than minimums to my debts.

If I had to get money from a credit card it would be never.

SpagBol

Thanks Tixy, that's how I would play it too!

Brussel_Sprout

Hi SpagBol,

Im going to be brutally honest. I rarely went out during my paying off period, i stopped seeing friends as i couldnt afford to go out with them, I also looked at it as a £50 night out could be £50 nearer to freedom! i used to drive my other half mad, with my 'hmmm can't afford it' so I budgeted to allow for the odd nights out.

What your hubby has to weigh up, is how much does he want to be debt free over keeping up with his mates?. As if he's totally honest is it really going to hurt to miss a few nights out? If he has £30 of Sambuca he's not going to remember the night anyway!!

Or if he wants to go out and spend £30, he has to make that £30 up from elsewhere, cutting out something else?! take pack lunches to work, cheaper than buying stuff, could he walk instead of using petrol in the car?

There are ways and means to have your cake and eat it but just depends how much you want the cake!!

aliasojo

We're in the process of paying debt off now. We don't go out, we spend nothing on luxuries, OH even made me a birthday cake recently as I didn't want to go out for a meal to celebrate because of cost.

We spent years spending money (largely on a house refurb but it's still spending nonetheless) and we're now reaping what we sowed. It's tough but we figure the harder we have it now, the quicker we get to have a life again.

Not everyone can cope wth 'nose to the grindstone' thinking though. I think the key is to find a way that you can both put up with. If you don't, that's when resentment breeds.

I don't think either of you should be spending money on anything if it's just more debt though.

SpagBol

Haha thanks Brussel Sprout, I think it is harder on the people that aren't driving the new way of life, but he helped get to this point and we have made a pact to clear it together. I think the reality is sinking in! The problem is I think of the £30 as paying off money, if he could make up £30 elsewhere (we have already cut all that you mention though!) then that is £30 off the debt. Our children don't get to go to Mcdonalds any more and tbh that's much less outlay for a treat and they deserve a treat more than we do!! But we cut theirs out and he can go drinking? Not fair!!

It wouldn't be £30 solely on Sambuca, Not even he could do that :rotfl: I was embellishing a bit but a few pints, few shots, kebab and taxi home really adds up...

SpagBol

Thanks Aliasojo, that is exactly how I think. I understand about the resentment but we can't afford for him to go! The boys here for a few drinks will have to be the compromise!

muddyl

My wife and I used to go out pretty much weekly for a night out, and usually a meal each week too.

Since times are now tight, we go for a meal maybe every other month, and as for nights out, she's been out twice this year (driving one of those). And i've been out 3 times this year (two of those only had 3 pints). We have maybe 2 units a month at home.
How I see it is the smiles on the kids faces at christmas make me happier than a night out.

recurrent-ostrich

We've just started on our debtfree journey, but I have budgeted nothing for going out. We just can't afford it at the moment. We shall make sure we have a "date night" once a week where we feed the kids and put them to bed then have a meal together (something a bit nicer but NOT a takeaway as we can't afford them) and a bottle of wine and watch a DVD.

PasturesNew

Even without debt I've rarely gone out due to cost.

£30 would have to be a bl00dy spectacular night out, a once in a lifetime extravaganza of opportunity/location/company to occur in the first instance.

SpagBol

Aw thanks all, will check back in after the kids are in bed and ebay stuff sorted but I'm glad you don't all think I'm being harsh on him lol. Really identify with the point about the kids faces at Christmas, this is what drives me and I think hubby is coming round!