Bullying

anniemf2508

Just after a little bit of advice really....

My daughter started secondary school Sept 2010. Since then we have had a problem with a girl bullying her. Last year it wasn't that much and she was dealing with it, we spoke to the school and they said they would keep an eye on things. Since September this year tho things have started to get progressively worse.
On one occasion the girl grabbed hold of my daughter and repeatedly slammed her head into a brick wall.
We have had countless meetings with the school over the problems and we all deduced that the problems were all occurring in the changing rooms at PE lessons. So a decision was made that the other girl would get changed awawy from the other girls and she'd have an adult with her at all times.
The thing that makes this difficult is the girl has down syndrome and the school seem to be using this as an excuse for her behaviour.

Things had quietened down for a month or so, until Tuesday this week. My daughter was sat in the canteen having her lunch and the girl went and sat with her, this made my daughter feel totally uncomfortable, she got up to leave (as she'd finished her lunch) and the girl slapped her round the face, my daughter asked her to stop that but she carried on doing it.
She went and found the girls handler and she was eating her lunch in the special needs room, she told my daughter to go and report the incident to the office, so she had to fill in yet another statement.

We spoke to my daughters head of year on Tuesday evening and arranged a meeting for today. My daughter was then called in to see the head of year yesterday and they basically blamed her for the incident....apparently she was in the canteen at the time and saw the whole thing.....if this was the case, why didn't she go over and make sure they were both ok?

Its getting to the stage now tho where my daughter really doesn't want to be at that school and her schoolwork is suffering.

We just feel like we are banging our heads against a brick wall as no one at the school seems to want to deal with the problem.

indebtinsussex

we have had exactly the same problem with my sons school, he was being kicked by another boy then got punched in the face by the same boy because he didnt want to play with my son anymore (this caused a major nose bleed, which the school didnt care about). and the school were useless, really really useless, then my son got stamped in the crotch by the same child (they're both 5?!?!) and again it was my sons fault.

so apart from wanting to kill the headteacher and the childs father, what I have done is put everything in writing and demand everything in writing back, told every other parent I know that if this child is a sh*t to their child put complaints in in writing to the school. with my initial letter the headmaster had a week to come up with a satisfactory agreement with me before I was going to go to the school governors, I sent a copy of the letter to the education authority as well, and told the headteacher that if it wasnt sorted my last stop would be Ofsted as I know that if it gets put against the school its also put against his own record. So now the child is kept away from most other children apart from friends that he hasnt attacked in the past. and the teachers monitor him all the time, so far touch wood we've not had any problems. but I still dont trust the school and so my son is on a waiting list to go to another school

However you shouldnt have to do all this, its not fair, Downs syndrome or not, the child should not be able to get away with this, you have my complete sympathy

princeofpounds

The thing that makes this difficult is the girl has down syndrome and the school seem to be using this as an excuse for her behaviour.

This is a pretty critical issue. Downs syndrome is quite a severe disability with mental effects. It's much more about the school than the girl in this respect - they should be managing and supervising her more effectively.

I hope this will not sound like a rude question, but has your own daughter ever been involved with winding this girl up? And why does she end up interacting with her so much? Just trying to understand the full context.

I'm sure there are better placed people to advise, but I would start off with taking a look at the school's policy on special needs and anti-bullying. All complaints are much stronger if they relate to policy. Full list of bodies you can complain to below:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Schoolslearninganddevelopment/YourChildsWelfareAtSchool/DG_4016106

Oldernotwiser

anniemf2508 wrote: »

My daughter was then called in to see the head of year yesterday and they basically blamed her for the incident....apparently she was in the canteen at the time and saw the whole thing.....if this was the case, why didn't she go over and make sure they were both ok?

What did she say that your daughter had done to provoke this and what was your daughter's response when this was put to her?

(By the way, I really wouldn't talk about the DS girl's "handler", it's quite offensive.)

anniemf2508

princeofpounds wrote: »

This is a pretty critical issue. Downs syndrome is quite a severe disability with mental effects. It's much more about the school than the girl in this respect - they should be managing and supervising her more effectively.

I hope this will not sound like a rude question, but has your own daughter ever been involved with winding this girl up? And why does she end up interacting with her so much? Just trying to understand the full context.

I'm sure there are better placed people to advise, but I would start off with taking a look at the school's policy on special needs and anti-bullying. All complaints are much stronger if they relate to policy. Full list of bodies you can complain to below:

http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Schoolslearninganddevelopment/YourChildsWelfareAtSchool/DG_4016106

We've been over and over with my daughter about whether shes ever been in a situation where shes said/done something to annoy /provoke the other girl but we haven't come up with anything....my daughter is really quite placid and really not the sort of person who would antagonise anyone (bar maybe her little brother!).

I know this is the schools failing and not the girls and maybe slightly the parents too as from talking to other parents who knew the girl at primary school she did the same to other pupils there. I know everyone has the right to go to the school of their choosing but if its causing problems then maybe they need to qestion whether a mainstream school is the right choice....i live in an area with some superb schools that have exttremely good facilities for specialist teaching.

anniemf2508

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

What did she say that your daughter had done to provoke this and what was your daughter's response when this was put to her?

(By the way, I really wouldn't talk about the DS girl's "handler", it's quite offensive.)

from what i can gather from my daughter was that the teacher saw the other girl nudge my daughter, she nudged her back , so the girl slapped her round the face more than once.

and sorry yes handler probably isn't the right term ~(its the one the school use), she has a carer, SEN lady

victory

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

(By the way, I really wouldn't talk about the DS girl's "handler", it's quite offensive.)

Crumbs I was just about to post my reply and you said it for me, please find another word.

Having said that many years ago my eldest had the same problem with a child that had mental health issues, the school seemed unable to deal with the variants to his behaviour and my son was very retisent to stand up for himself because of the others boys issues, we went everywhere with it, talked to the head teacher, talked to his teacher, talked to the boys parents (who were struggling themselves to find help with their son) we talked so much and made them so aware they had to do something about it, in the end they seperated them and the boy was given a one to one teacher and came to school but spent most of the day isolated.

That was great for my son, I must say I did feel a bit sorry for the boy having to be in school basically on his own but he needed one to one attention and it was never known when he would lash out, so it was the best solution all round

Mojisola

anniemf2508 wrote: »

Since September this year tho things have started to get progressively worse.

On one occasion the girl grabbed hold of my daughter and repeatedly slammed her head into a brick wall.

Things had quietened down for a month or so, until Tuesday this week. My daughter was sat in the canteen having her lunch and the girl went and sat with her, this made my daughter feel totally uncomfortable, she got up to leave (as she'd finished her lunch) and the girl slapped her round the face, my daughter asked her to stop that but she carried on doing it.

Imagine this had happened in a work place instead of a school - would anyone put up with it? I can't understand these schools that don't take bullying seriously enough to deal with it properly.

Don't let this drag on otherwise your daughter could be badly affected by it. It can take years to recover from the effects of bullying.

What does the school policy on bullying say? Are they implementing what their own policy says? Have you involved the governors yet? If you're not getting satisfactory results from the teachers, take it to the governors.

nottslass_2

anniemf2508 wrote: »

from what i can gather from my daughter was that the teacher saw the other girl nudge my daughter, she nudged her back , so the girl slapped her round the face more than once.

and sorry yes handler probably isn't the right term ~(its the one the school use), she has a carer, SEN lady

!!!!!! I wouldn't be sending any child of mine to a school that refered to a SEN TA as a "handler" - its make her sound like zoo keeper,in charge of a wild animal !!!! Utterly disgusting...................

victory

Animal is what I First thought when the word handler was used too...

Oldernotwiser

Personally I would consider that smashing a child's head against a wall several times wasn't bullying but assault.