so stressed and at breaking point - what to do?

rock_queen

KK22 - if we prosponed we would lose the deposits as it would be classed as cancelation and we would have to pay them all over again

Tilly_MFW_in_6_YRS

Hi RQ, just a thought, could you negotiate with the venue, that if they rebook within a window of x weeks, or days etc, that you could get your deposit back? It may be worth the cost of a call to ask the question and all they are really concerned about is having their venue booked. Good luck and I am sending you a HUGE hug as I truly can understand how you feel. My DH and I went to the US to get married to avoid the big family wedding discussions - worked well and we had a great time.

Best wishes, Tilly

Knitting_Nora

Oh you poor thing *hands over big hug, large glass of wine, and a chocolate*

You're doing brilliantly by all accounts - and how fab that you and your partner are on the same wavelength about downscaling what might be considered really just a big party with a short legal bit at the beginning (no offence meant!), in order to have a better start to your married life together.

Others have already pointed out that your folks aren't being fair, or treating you like an adult - and in the nicest possible way, they probably aren't going to change their position any time soon. I don't think it matters how old your kids are - it'll always be easier to see them as children that need to be looked after and guided rather than adults who might appreciate your input, but have their own experiences, opinions etc. to guide them.

Since you can't control (or likely change) your parent's approach or opinion in the short term, set it aside for the moment and get on with arranging the wedding that you want, and can afford. Why not continue the good talks with your OH, and work out what you both really want of the day. There are oodles of ways to manage that in an MSE fashion (and lots and lots of support and advice on these forums...) - all of this is well within your control, and you need to get a bit of a shift on if you want to try and keep the date you've already arranged.

When you're up and running on your plans, just let your folks know what's going on - they can scream and shout about it, but in the end, it really is your day and they need to be grown up enough to understand that. I know it's tough to treat each other like adults - and to be honest, a lot of people never reach that point with their kids/folks, but it's always worth a try. And if it comes to it, work out a plan to pay them back for whatever they've already put in - you're grown up now, and you absolutely can have the wedding you want without handing over the decisions and control to someone else.

Best of luck - let us know how it goes.

Nora.x

cheekyemma

So sorry to hear this, weddings are stressful and interferring parents can make things very awkward but just remember that it is your day and keep in mind the reason why you are getting married in the first place, you clearly have a great relationship and its the day to celebrate that. Do what will make you happy, not what will make others because in a few years down the line, it's the day that you will remember and not the strops and stresses before it! Stay strong and do what is right for you. Good Luck xx

rock_queen

Thanks for your support and advice, all your kind words are a tonic :-)

I'm going to contact the registry office tomorrow about available dates and sort out the hall aswell. We just need to write the cancelation letter for the other place and will do as Tilly suggested and see if they can book someone else in and get back some our deposit. Feeling a bit more positive now thanks to you guys

White_Sapphire

Sorry, bit late to the conversation, but just wanted to send a virtual hug to rock queen: ((((hug))))

No better advice to add than everyone else, particularly that of knitting nora.

I really hope you can look forward to your day with your lovely, supportive H2B!

x

wanchai_2

Hugs from me too. You are both bring very grown up about all this, wish your parents could see that. Keep us posted on progress xxx

jojo2004

HUGS!!!!!!!!

You poor love, that's a horrid feeling, and I hope you don't get too downhearted by it.

Can I suggest that you have an honest chat with your 'rentals about WHY they want to be more involved than you'd anticipated? I've learnt from my own experience that my mum's ideas on who plans a wedding were driven by her own experiences of her parents planning her weddings. She therefore sort of expected that they would 'throw' us a wedding; when we had a lovely chat about it and I explained how exciting I was finding the planning, she totally got it, and she has been my absolute rock in the planning - there is no detail too small for her to be interested in and involved in, and with only 6 weeks to go, I can honestly say that I am so grateful for her involvement and support.

I'd also like to pass on what my fiance has just commented - one of you will 'lose out' on planning this wedding unless you share - and wouldn't it be nicer to share? If she didn't plan her own, she might feel this is her time to step up, and not understand how exciting it is to be fully involved in your own wedding plans! It might also help to sit down and work out what she can take complete responsibility for (RSVPs are an obvious one, perhaps cake, perhaps flowers?) so she has things she can do FOR you - I'm sure that's what motivates her, not trying to spoil things for you.

HTH lovely, good luck! xx

RadoJo

I suspect that the venue cannot keep your entire deposit unless they are unable to book another event for the date you had reserved - at 5 months they might not get full whack, but I believe they have a duty to mitigate their losses so if someone else did want to book it, even at a reduced rate, they should return the remainder of your deposit minus their losses and reasonable costs. It might be worth posting on the consumer rights board for advice on how to mitigate any losses due to cancellation, and that might shut your parents up as well! ;-)

CFC

It's your wedding, not your parent's wedding; you're paying, not your parents: you have made the most sensible decision in the circumstances and they need to stop throwing a tantrum and accept it's your way and they need to suck it up....just put it as nicely as you can