Cutting down on xams presents

victory

My friend was telling me about a phone call she made to her mum asking to reduce outgoings this xmas as money is tight, explaining away suggested to her mum to just send a card and no pressies.

Her mum agreed but 'oh you must buy one for grandad, he doesn't get much' Fair enough.

'Oh you must buy one for great aunt x, she really looks forward to one' fair enough.

'Oh and all the elders in the family your dad and me also oh and the kids, well xmas is all about the kids'

So, that leaves her 2 brothers presents less!

Oh well she tried:rotfl::D

barbiedoll

Grrrrrr, people really aren't very helpful when you're trying to cut your expenses, are they?

You should tell your friend that her first mistake was "asking" her mum if she could cut down on the pressies this year. She needs to call her mum back (nursing a stiff drink if it helps! ) and TELL her that she has no money for all of these presents and that's the end of it. If necessary, she could call granddad, auntie etc etc and tell them herself what's going on, I'm sure that a few of them will be a little relieved that they aren't expected to buy presents also!

If elderly relatives are looking forward to a present, think how much they'd enjoy a personal visit, or even a phone call. I've got older relatives and I've had a similar conversation with them, they've all told me that they would rather see me, OH and DS for a couple of hours, than have us struggle to pay our bills because we've wasted money on a pointless gift.

And give her a big MSE hug to let her know that she's not the only one!

dontone

My mum used to buy all my cousins (My uncle's kids) little ones presents at Christmas. at first it used to be things like colouring books & pens or something to wear, like a jumper, for a few pounds. My cousins then started to have a few more children, and then the demands for more expensive stuff started. Once my mam asked what size t-shirt to buy one of the kids, and my cousins said "they don't want that, they want the Pokemon sticker set, and we said that you will buy it" :mad: It was £10, and mam then felt that she had to spent the same on all of them (5 in total).
Because she was on a really tight budget she ended up stopping all present buying because they were asking for more expensive gifts and she just couldn't afford it.
It used to infuriate me because it was never really appreciated, and they never thought get her a small gift back - even a bubble bath, and none of them came round to say "thankyou" :mad:
One of them used to invite her for a cuppa but since she stopped the buying, they've snubbed her ever since. She still talks to some of them, but they are frosty with her. I don't know why she bothers.
I think that buying for close immediate family is ok, but other than that, the rest can go whistle :whistle:

kingfisherblue

If you do visit, could you take cakes or biscuits decorated by the kids, plus a card or poster that they have made? otherwise, using BOGOFs, think about making up a small hamper of goodies and essentials. much more likley to be appreciated than something that will get shoved in a cupboard before new year.

balletshoes

bless her OP, she tried :rotfl:.

To be honest I think its a bit late in the year to be having that kind of conversation - best time is Boxing Day (or even Christmas Day if all the family is together). We did that years ago - I haven't bought any of my siblings or their partners a christmas pressie for about 5 years. Once the kids came along, that was the end of pressies for the adults - we all agreed to this. The only adult I buy for is my mum (and I would still be buying for Dad if we was still with us).

My mum buys christmas pressies for the world and his wife - but she enjoys it, so we just let her get on with it .

littlerat

If she really can't stop sending (and let's face it, family pressure is a !!!!!!), what about cutting down the amount she spends on each present? £10 per person budget will buy a DVD or such, if she usually buys expensive cards then a cheap box of 40 with 4 designs (as an example) can be gotten. Obviously cutting down is easier if she'd normally spend £30 or so on someone than if she only spends £10 now. But even for £5 you can get older DVDs etc,or some choccies, or socks, or...something!

littlerat

dontone wrote: »

My mum used to buy all my cousins (My uncle's kids) little ones presents at Christmas. at first it used to be things like colouring books & pens or something to wear, like a jumper, for a few pounds. My cousins then started to have a few more children, and then the demands for more expensive stuff started. Once my mam asked what size t-shirt to buy one of the kids, and my cousins said "they don't want that, they want the Pokemon sticker set, and we said that you will buy it" :mad: It was £10, and mam then felt that she had to spent the same on all of them (5 in total).
Because she was on a really tight budget she ended up stopping all present buying because they were asking for more expensive gifts and she just couldn't afford it.
It used to infuriate me because it was never really appreciated, and they never thought get her a small gift back - even a bubble bath, and none of them came round to say "thankyou" :mad:
One of them used to invite her for a cuppa but since she stopped the buying, they've snubbed her ever since. She still talks to some of them, but they are frosty with her. I don't know why she bothers.
I think that buying for close immediate family is ok, but other than that, the rest can go whistle :whistle:

:eek: While my grandparents did spend a fair amount on us (not hundreds, but we got nice pressies as we didn't get much apart from birthdays/christmases) - if we (brother or I) had demanded an expensive present, well... we'd not have dared! We started getting money later on. But we were also lucky we were the only grandchildren on 1 side for years and there was only 1 on the other

Unfortunately that's more about the parents than the kids I guess.

dontone

littlerat wrote: »

:eek: While my grandparents did spend a fair amount on us (not hundreds, but we got nice pressies as we didn't get much apart from birthdays/christmases) - if we (brother or I) had demanded an expensive present, well... we'd not have dared! We started getting money later on. But we were also lucky we were the only grandchildren on 1 side for years and there was only 1 on the other

Unfortunately that's more about the parents than the kids I guess.[/QUOTE]

That's true. In fact what made me mad about the whole business was Mam stressing over buying something rather ridiculous and hoping that it met with approval. My cousins used to (and still do)compete with each other, and the kids were in the middle.
It was actually me who presuaded Mam to stop buying for them, as with careful budgeting, the money she was spending was getting excessive and she could have used that money to buy some food shopping with. It got too much and it felt that they were points scoring, using her gifts as weapons IYSWIM. Christmas is stressful enough without worrying if a lump of plastic is good enough to be even looked at.

victory

I suggested to her poundland because I was there the other day and they had boxes of biscuits that looked more expensive than that, that could be for her grandad and maybe great aunt x could have something from there also the charity shops, it was not so much as what to buy as to try and cut it out, just send a card or make one, at the moment I am into making gingerbread men and icing them so suggested maybe she could make some or fudge that type of thing....

It just made her laugh and me that her mum did not really get what she was saying and was saying yes, of course cut down but buy for x y z and then cut down:rotfl::rotfl:

elff

My Sil has 8 kids... we have 3 .... i tried to spend around 10 on each child last year.. spent £72 only 7 kids then

I resorted this year to buying 1 present a month... i can spend 10-15 and not notice it too much rarther than 80 in one go - also tesco double money voucher worked fab this year for the little bits

To be fair she does spend more on a presents for our children than we would but mine would be happy with a colouring book and some pens

notechno

It's so difficult isn't it. I tried a few years ago, suggested that we just concentrate on all the children, and us adults just buy each other something fun, for around £5.00 per item. I thought it would be more imaginative and interesting, and leave the budgets for the kids. Everyone agreed (to my face) but then my SIL told my Mum that although she'd go along with it, because we'd agreed, that I'd spoiled everything. We all did it for the first year, but then everything's slowly crept back up to where it was previously. Except this year my SIL left my brother for somebody else and I don't think my brother's going to be wanting to pick up present-wise where she left off! It may be time to have the conversation again :-)