Asking my dh to clear me debts

immoral_angeluk

I agree with the offering to pay him back.. that way he's helping you but notb ailing you out completely.

tiff

I'm not having a go at you because we're all different, but I never understand that way of thinking. Its not MY fault I couldnt work when I had OUR kids. I am looking after OUR kids which is a full time job. They are at school now though. Thats the way I think, rightly or wrongly but my OH has always shared his money. I have never felt guilty as I'm responsible for all the shopping etc so I spend his money on OUR food etc. The reason we are in debt is because neither of us organised our finances properly, not because of mine or his overspending as such.

Can you sit down and have a chat with him and see how he feels about paying it off or you paying him back?

Little_Miss_Winner

Hi Lisa,

Everyone is entitled to their own opinion re this but heres mine;-

Your married for gods sake, what his is yours, whats yours is his.
You have children TOGETHER, any finances should be pooled, any debts should be cleared.

I can bet most of your debt wasn't for you alone? Did you not spend a penny on the children, your home, your husband?

Yes you say you ran them up while being depressed, and your husband gave you money and you didn't budget. BUT, have we all not been there, done that, got the t-shirt. i know i have!

If he offered to pay the debt, i would let him.

Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, I would say your husband realises this and offered to pay on that basis.

Why turn him down? Do you want to keep this me/him relationship up forever?
Or do you want it to be a partnership?

I would swallow your pride, accept his offer and move forward.

Hugs
pot
xx

mizmir

I think since he has offered once I would sit down and have a chat about it again. Say you have reconsidered and ask if he would still be willing. Offer to repay him and see what he says. I agree with Tiff. Looking after children is not "not working" - it is just as important a contribution to the family as going out and earning money outside the home. He wouldn't have been able to do what he does if you hadn't been there to look after the children.

That is why we pool everything - the way we see it is that we are partners and we each do what we can to contribute to our home. The debts were jointly run up (spending on house etc) so are shared responsibility. But everyone sees things differently so you need to talk to your husband about this. It sounds like he was happy to help if he has previously offered....

mrsmortenharket

thank you all.

Think what I will do, when the kids r in bed tonight, I will ask him if his offer still stands.

he gives me an allowance each month. I will tell him if he pays my debts that he can reduce what he gives me at present. Kind of like paying him back.

Does this sound ok?

Lisa

Little_Miss_Winner

I will tell him if he pays my debts that he can reduce what he gives me at present. Kind of like paying him back.

You will have to work out a figure together that you will be able to manage on. you dont want to end up back to square one and relying on credit.

good Luck, and let us know how you get on..

mizmir

Sounds very reasonable. But if he offers to pay it outright then do consider letting him - he may actually want to do that for you. I know if it was my OH I wouldn't want to be paid back .

Warriorsith

If I had money then I'd offer it to help clear the debts as we're a partnership, can't have 1 person going forward then the other just going backwards or nowhere at all. Ask him for it and am sure he'll be expecting you to ask after thinking about it. Just stick to monthly budgets to ensure your both never in debt again. Just think of the pressure lifted off your shoulders and how you can focus all your time on other stuff then debts.

Good luck and be debt free.

tiff

Good luck Lisa

EagerLearner

I agree with allowing him to pay it off, but, you have to reassure him it won't happen again and that you are comitted to managing your finances better together.

That way he will feel glad he has been able to help you and you will feel happy that from this point on you can really focus on improving your situation and not getting in debt again.

He probably knows how this debt is on your mind and wants to take the load off so you can both start from fresh.

Marriage is a partnership, if one slips up the other helps out and if he wwre in your situation, I am sure you would want to clear the slate too, as long as he promised to be on the straight and narrow for the future.

Good luck whatever you decide!