Only a couple of weeks after we have faced our debt and all we are doing is arguing..

penelopedee_2

If it makes you feel better, I did the wine and choc thing and I veered towards fat and ugly. Luckily being a bit skint with debtbusting made us start cooking properly etc and it all got back under control.

It is hard, I can't lie. We've got to the stage where DH has to force me to get a new pair of jeans cos I'm too worried about spending on myself and not putting towards the debt.

We also do the thing where he wants a night out with the boys and I childishly think right then, I can buy this, this and this with the money he's spending out tonight. Whether I need it or not ....

I can offer an ear and loads of sympathy for you - and its genuine. One of my best releases of stress when he was getting in a strop was to find a good book to chill me out. Sometimes I crank the hot water up and have a long bubble bath. Some of it is about being nice to yourself.

Do you really need the work skirt? If you do, and you really, really want it and have the money to put back and pay for it then perhaps you might want to buy it. Or would it be nicer to have a little spare in your pocket when you see your friends and enjoy your birthday.

Would he like to cook a homemade dinner for your and your friends for your birthday. He may feel a little like he can't treat you when he wants to. I know that DH goes into mega melt down mode when my birthday comes up and he just doesn't have the pocket money to go out and blow it on me!

Like I said, I do sympathise.

allym464

First of all.... step away from the chocolate bar. Come on step away....

Hang in there - he may calm down soon enough. I do a similar thing where if something seems to be out of my control (you could say I am a bit ok a big control freak - think Monica from Friends) and I flare up and lash out and once I have taken a chance to sit back and take stock I realise things arent quite so bad. His flare up could just be taking a bit longer. As Penelepedee suggests, maybe do something which relaxes you like a bath and be nice to yourself. Who knows, he could be feeling bad upstairs if he has seen the glass of wine and mince pie!

DjShimmer

penelopedee wrote: »

If it makes you feel better, I did the wine and choc thing and I veered towards fat and ugly. Luckily being a bit skint with debtbusting made us start cooking properly etc and it all got back under control.

It is hard, I can't lie. We've got to the stage where DH has to force me to get a new pair of jeans cos I'm too worried about spending on myself and not putting towards the debt.

We also do the thing where he wants a night out with the boys and I childishly think right then, I can buy this, this and this with the money he's spending out tonight. Whether I need it or not ....

I can offer an ear and loads of sympathy for you - and its genuine. One of my best releases of stress when he was getting in a strop was to find a good book to chill me out. Sometimes I crank the hot water up and have a long bubble bath. Some of it is about being nice to yourself.

Do you really need the work skirt? If you do, and you really, really want it and have the money to put back and pay for it then perhaps you might want to buy it. Or would it be nicer to have a little spare in your pocket when you see your friends and enjoy your birthday.

Would he like to cook a homemade dinner for your and your friends for your birthday. He may feel a little like he can't treat you when he wants to. I know that DH goes into mega melt down mode when my birthday comes up and he just doesn't have the pocket money to go out and blow it on me!

Like I said, I do sympathise.

Aww hunny your post just made me cry.... means so much to know someone else is going through the same or has been through the same..

You feel so alone, I have amazing friends but they just dont seem to understand, and I could never tell my family they would just freak out and make the whole thing 100 times worse.

I think my hubby has just never faced anything like this before, I myself have spent most of my life in debt so dont seem to worry as much and take actions to try and deal with it... Which looking back I actually havent and now I really need to change..

We need to work together and except yes it will be rubbish but a tiny treat every now and then is okay if we dont use over drafts etc and we deserve it.

I have just been up to make the peace...and said I have been talking to you guys and we are not alone... and it will be tough but we need to be realistic and not starve ourselves from a little treat every now and then..

I said I dont want a present for my birthday, just a nice evening out with our friends as its also our crimbo do so killing two birds with one stone... If anything he can make me something... and the familys can buy me little bits that I want..

You lovely ladies have been amazing, Im so pleased I decided to post otherwise I would of been sitting here in floods of tears tearing my hair out...

And Penelopedee if you also need someone to talk too im always here.. This is when I love the internet its so nice to meet wonderful people like you guys... nearly started crying again..:rotfl:

DjShimmer

allym464 wrote: »

First of all.... step away from the chocolate bar. Come on step away....

Hang in there - he may calm down soon enough. I do a similar thing where if something seems to be out of my control (you could say I am a bit ok a big control freak - think Monica from Friends) and I flare up and lash out and once I have taken a chance to sit back and take stock I realise things arent quite so bad. His flare up could just be taking a bit longer. As Penelepedee suggests, maybe do something which relaxes you like a bath and be nice to yourself. Who knows, he could be feeling bad upstairs if he has seen the glass of wine and mince pie!

Too late I ate it all.... and now I feel sick... Oh well serves me right need to stop emotionally eating.. its so hard to control...

I think he is more of a control freak than he realises.. I always thought it was me.. maybe thats some of the problem..

I need to sympathise a bit as I do think he is freaking out... I do think he thinks no one else is like us and cant see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Fingers crossed he is coming down stairs soon... all better after wine choc, tears and you wonderful guys :A

Jinx

When I started my DMP I was single and it took some time to get into the swing of it but you get used to it. Any serious change takes a bit of getting used to. If you put a little room in your budget for 'fun' then you can both still have a life, maybe you need to show him how .

I'd give him time to cool off following the latest row but I wouldnt be taking a load of snash from him if he helped get you where you both are now.

penelopedee_2

And Penelopedee if you also need someone to talk too im always here.. This is when I love the internet its so nice to meet wonderful people like you guys... nearly started crying again..:rotfl:[/QUOTE]

Cheers Hun x I'm here for you too if you need it. Now stop crying it spoils a nice glass of white or waters down your tea x

dark^knight

Hi,

I've had a tough day with OH as well, so sympathise. Thankfully, we have kissed and made up, so all's well that ends well.

Wishing you luck!

debtfreewannabe321

hubby & I are on a dmp so on a tight budget for also 2-3 years. Well i set it up whilst he was away at work (didn't have much choice really things were at breaking point with balancing the books) and when he came back nearly 6 months ago now, i went through the budget with him and all he did was complain.

He makes the money in our house, i'm a stay at home mum to a 2yr old and 3 yr old. He feels he should have as much money as he wants on entertainment. And me and the kids should suffer. Well i wasn't having any of it, thankfully i'm not weak in standing up to him because our situation could have easily ended up down the divorce courts i think !!!

He still has the odd sulk, dig and shout at me (like it is all my fault) but i just ignore it. I also feel like he is resentful of me in a big way, but i've already done the sums if i went to work and had to pay child care for 2 kids i would be at a loss as i haven't completed training for my chosen field yet

I have nothing to say that will make it all better, sorry. But there are others in your situation so hoping it makes you feel slightly less down

BEAT_THE_DEBT

Hi i just wanted to say that i have been doing this since 3 yrs in March 2012 and time has flown by. It really does become second nature. It will get easier xx

Firewalker

Your OH sounds like me when I first found out about exactly how much negative wealth we have. It takes time - I don't know whether I made snide remarks but I know that I thought that my life is over and that the life of my son(s) is finished as well. I could not stand OH for a time either (I am not saying that is the case between you two but with all the arguing...).

How we got over it? We learned to focus on the things that matter - all that we can do to get rid of the negative wealth. We made sure that we want the same thing and that we follow several simple rules. One of these is that we have a 'I'm so worth it' account where we put some money every month for fun. Being totally focused doesn't mean that one ought to be austere - life should go on, the joy of life should be kept alive and your relationship will blossom.

Oh, and one other thing. I had to look at OH and think: 'This is the man I love and I have it in my heart to forgive. Forgetting will take longer.'

I wish you well.

Firewalker