Uh, the dreaded analysis of wedding has hit

continualdiamond

Got married on the 26th August, totally loved every single thing about it on the day.

Was sooooo happy for weeks after, looked at the photos, was pleased we captured so many memories.

Now the dreaded should of done this has hit....

What started it was a friend, not close friend though got engaged after only being together a year (that bit hurt as took 11 years for us to get married). So did the old comparing engagement rings (pathetic isn't it). Then after only 2 weeks shes got her venue and dress.

Had the whole, she wanted my help as loved what I did, loved my low key dress etc etc. Then I find out shes getting married in a castle and her dress is your normal dress, not low key like mine.

So then it got me reviewing mine and all I see now is cheapness. Loved my dress, but love hers and started wishing I experienced that trying dresses on in wedding dress shops, that being able to afford to buy a dress from a dress shop. Then looked at me in my dress and straight away all I see is my arms , wishing I'd worn a little wedding jacket or something.

Keep trying to remind myself it was a size 16 dress and 3 years ago I would of been wearing a size 26 if my wedding was then. Also keep trying to remind myself, a wedding is just that, a wedding.

A marriage is the most important part, but uh, hate feeling like this.

wanchai_2

Aw, big hugs to you, I'm sure we will all do this xxxxx

continualdiamond

Its sooooo annoying as I loved every single part of planning it all and have loved putting together my albums (still doing it, lol), sorting out what photos to go in what frames and then boom, outta no where you re look at everything.

I even thought along the lines of.......do I save up and get re married in a few years time as this was all we could afford for when we wanted, but that is just silly because never once when I was planning it did I regret or want anything different than what I did do.

Oh sooo stupid, roll on xmas, different thing to think about, hahaha

Torry_Quine

That's a shame but you have to try not to compare yourself with anyone else. Don't think though that getting engaged after a year is something strange I'd be more surprised that you were so slow! I was engaged after six months and married a year after which seems more normal to me, which only shows there is no normal.

Well done on the weight loss though.

continualdiamond

Torry_Quine wrote: »

That's a shame but you have to try not to compare yourself with anyone else. Don't think though that getting engaged after a year is something strange I'd be more surprised that you were so slow! I was engaged after six months and married a year after which seems more normal to me, which only shows there is no normal.

Well done on the weight loss though.

I didn't say her getting engaged after a year was strange. I said it hurt because it took us 11 years to get married.

Yes I know I was slow, but the major issue of me being from Australia mean't we didn't meet in person until we'd know each other for 3 years. I have lived in the UK for 8 years, but we could never afford to go to Australia to get married so I had my family at the wedding and it wasn't until this August that my parents & sister came on holiday for the 1st time.

Its why we got married, because I had my immediate family here. I knew no one else could afford to come all that way for my wedding and who would know when my parents & sister could afford to come over again.

Torry_Quine

continualdiamond wrote: »

I didn't say her getting engaged after a year was strange. I said it hurt because it took us 11 years to get married.

Yes I know I was slow, but the major issue of me being from Australia mean't we didn't meet in person until we'd know each other for 3 years. I have lived in the UK for 8 years, but we could never afford to go to Australia to get married so I had my family at the wedding and it wasn't until this August that my parents & sister came on holiday for the 1st time.

Its why we got married, because I had my immediate family here. I knew no one else could afford to come all that way for my wedding and who would know when my parents & sister could afford to come over again.

That explains a lot but should also mean that you know that it was a circumstance particular to you. Yes it was a long time before you married but there was no reason you weren't engaged as quickly and you don't mention when that was.

Sorry for using the wording I did but I reiterate don't compare it never bodes well.

aggypanthus

i am so sorry you are feeling bad about this, you had the best wedding ever, it made you very happy, something has knocked your confidence now, but try to push away those negative thoughts.
my wedding also was after 10 years togethe, and it was 10 months before my sisters one. i did it low budget and was very happy with it all, my sister got a massive loan and her dress hand made, and had a megga reception. both days were as good as each others, I could afford to spend more, but chose NOT too.
YOU had what you wanted, forget the other persons wedding, you had the day you wanted.
xx

MaggieBaking

What a horrible place to find yourself in. If it helps I look on other people's wedding days and I think "how perfect for them". Yes I see what was bad, what was good, but ultimately at every wedding I've attended I think that what comes through most is the love for each other and that takes over everything.

The thing is, you can't go back and try out a "what if". Who knows if you wore a bolero how hot and uncomfortable you would have been, and how freeing it was in reality not to wear one so you could swing your arms around and hug people comfortably. (I wore one on our wedding day, and in some photos it's not on properly and looks a mess!)

I have a similar dress wish, I wish I could have worn something more expensive so that it would be more flattering and perfect but ultimately I remember that it was just one day, just one dress. What do you think when you look back on your parent's wedding photos? You probably never notice them! It's hard at the minute because it's all fresh in your memory... In 10 years time you'll have a couple of pictures you'll see often and all you, or anyone else will notice in them is how happy you both are.

It is hard helping someone else with their wedding because you forget just everything you had to balance for your own - you can't fully remember the pressures of finances, or running out of time and you have nothing left to do but plan after the event with the "shoulda, woulda, coulda's" - just remember you gave you and your husband the best start in life possible, and that it wasn't "cheap" it was perfect for you both as a couple and your situation at the time.

*hugs*

MrsDrink

Argh this is so going to be me!! We get married on 17th July, reception on the 21st July, go off on Honeymoon on 26th July for 7 days, come back on the 2nd August, then on the 11th August my big brother gets married. I know even though our wedding is everything that I could wish for, and it suits us down to the ground, I'm worried that I'm going to doing the whole comparison thing and regret so much.

continualdiamond

It really is annoying, because friends who are married told me it happens and I was like, no it won't, why would it, I loved everything about my wedding.

But then it has....

Must say when I think about the weddings I have been too, you just remember how happy the couple was and I guess really that is what people will remember about ours and what I need to remember.

Our photos show how happy we were, we enjoyed our day. Gosh even the horrible weather didn't upset me, so if rain and rain and even more rain didn't upset me on my wedding day, looking back at my horrible arms shouldn't :rotfl:.

Hollie84

Hugs to you,i think a part of us will/have done this.who doesnt,when your married your going to compare little things.im already doing it and were not married yet.the day is what u make it,i paid £250 for my dress in a sample sale but that day i will be wearing a £600 dress (original cost) and i will look a million dollars in it.aslong as u and your hubby got married it doesnt matter about material things.from what u have said i take your wedding cost far less than hers will? in a few years she may regret spending a silly amount of money on the day i know i would,u know my H2B asked if we won some money on the lottery would i change the venue,and u know what i wouldnt because i love our venue and aslong as me and him get married thats all that matters,why go for a huge posher venue cos u have the money?? yeah it looks nice on pics but u can make any cheap wedding look like it cost a bomb if you know what your doing.and im sure your day was amazing and u looked stunning.