Ways to incorporate loved ones no longer alive.

abi-em-mum83

Hi my dad passed away almost 6 years ago and we were extremely close, more like best friends than father daughter. Anyhoo we are getting married May2013 and Id love a way of having something on the day as a nod to my dad. He was such a big personality and so well loved by everyone it feels like something very big is missing, and I'd like a way of incorporating him there, so hes not forgotten, without being morbid!
I am planning on having his wedding ring tied on ribbon and attached to my bouquet, and I know my h2b will raise a toast to him during the meal, along with a couple of funny anecdotes. Does anyone else have any nice ideas? When I ask my h2b he comes up with funny/daft ideas like setting a place and putting his ashes there!!
Im struggling because we were so close, and so much of the wedding usually involves moments with your dad (e.g walking down the aisle, speech etc) it feels like something massive is missing on my day, and I know Im going to be a blubbering mess, missing him!

74jax

Firstly I am so sorry for your loss and I can't imagine how hard it must be to plan something like your wedding without your Dad there. I am sure other people will come along with some good suggestions who are in the same situation as you.

I have heard of having a photo of your Dad on the top table. There is a thread on here somewhere of someone who's best friend had died and I'm sure she included a remembrance table and had photos of those people on there.

Idiophreak

abi-em-mum83 wrote: »

Hi my dad passed away almost 6 years ago and we were extremely close, more like best friends than father daughter. Anyhoo we are getting married May2013 and Id love a way of having something on the day as a nod to my dad. He was such a big personality and so well loved by everyone it feels like something very big is missing, and I'd like a way of incorporating him there, so hes not forgotten, without being morbid!
I am planning on having his wedding ring tied on ribbon and attached to my bouquet, and I know my h2b will raise a toast to him during the meal, along with a couple of funny anecdotes. Does anyone else have any nice ideas? When I ask my h2b he comes up with funny/daft ideas like setting a place and putting his ashes there!!
Im struggling because we were so close, and so much of the wedding usually involves moments with your dad (e.g walking down the aisle, speech etc) it feels like something massive is missing on my day, and I know Im going to be a blubbering mess, missing him!

I'm not so much an expert in these things, but I think the most important thing is that *you* feel that he's there. It's going to be horrible not having him there, obviously, so all you can do is do things that will make you think of him - and make it feel like he'd have enjoyed the day. I'd try not to "dwell" on it too much, but do something that, as you said, "nods" to him as the day goes on.

Suggestions:
Include their favourite flowers in the bouquet / table centres
Serve their favourite wine / beer / whatever as a toast
Walk down the aisle to their favourite music
Wear something of theirs as the something old - ring, watch etc
Arrive at the ceremony in their car, or favourite car etc
Include any catch phrases, anecdotes or opinions in the speech(es) or readings
Include photos of you with them in a photo wall
I'll keep thinking...

Personally, I wanted to remember my granddad around my wedding, but didn't want to lose the plot on the day, so I found out his favourite flowers and took a couple of bunches up to his grave the day before and took along the w2b. Wasn't easy, but felt him looking down on me and thought he was happy

Also, it's not applicable, but one of my friends had Lillys in her bouquet as her grandmother was named Lilly...

wanchai_2

My dad passed away a few years ago too, so I have the same dilemma, and will be in a similar state on the big day and in the run-up to it as well. The father of the bride not being there will definitely put a dampener on the day, no doubt about it.

But he would want you to be happy and whatever you come up with will be a lovely personal tribute to him. Hugs xx

74jax

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3355270 i've hunted out this thread if it helps?

Idiophreak

Another thought, that's probably obvious, is to think carefully about who you give the traditional FOB duties to in this situation. Getting people your dad was close to or liked well to do these jobs is quite a nice show of respect

LEJC

Theres the memorial candles that you can light during either the ceremony or reception...thats always a fitting way to remember loved ones...or maybe a photo of your dad placed somewhere again either at the ceremony or reception...

When I got married by gran bought my wedding dress but sadly never got to see it ....I had a photo of me taken wearing my dress but standing looking at photo of her at my parents house shortly before we left for the church....it kind of makes me think that in some ways she saw me in my wedding dress before all the others did...

A cleverly positioned photo of your dad in the background of one of your pictures may be something you could consider...

or a favourite hymn or piece of music during the service...maybe even something that was sung or played at your parents wedding... or a reading that he liked...all things that potentially wont be picked up by the other guests but will mean something to significant people at your wedding.

Jewelleryfan

I'm using both of my Nans pictures in my bouquet using a charm holder. It's just a mini photo frame attached to ribbon with some beads and it looks really nice x

rachelhen

My daughter didnt want to do anything too obvious because it had happened only recently so I bought her a silver locket from Patimes and she put a picture of her dad in it and wrapped it around her flowers. She was worried that we would all be too sad if she had done more. We did consider a table with his picture and some flowers but it seemed to funereal.

Rikki

Maybe a photograph of your father rather than his ashes.

I would have the photograph on a special table and lay my bouquet next to it.

Hadley1

My thoughts go out to the OP.

My dad is also sadly no longer with us and I am having the same dilema. It will be hard, but as others have said I still want it to be a happy day.

I agree that low key touches might be the best way to deal with it - otherwise I think I'll be a complete mess.

I have to think of him - being there with me anyway.