Ways to incorporate loved ones no longer alive.

74jax

LEJC wrote: »

all things that potentially wont be picked up by the other guests but will mean something to significant people at your wedding.

I think this is really good advice. Maybe lots of small, subtle things special to you and your dad throughout the dad rather one big overwhelming 'something' that might be more upsetting for you in the day.

wanchai_2

Idiophreak wrote: »

Another thought, that's probably obvious, is to think carefully about who you give the traditional FOB duties to in this situation. Getting people your dad was close to or liked well to do these jobs is quite a nice show of respect

I've asked my mum to walk me up the aisle and, even thought she is pretty shy, she has agreed to do it. :A No idea who will do all the other FOB stuff.

LEJC wrote: »

Theres the memorial candles that you can light during either the ceremony or reception...thats always a fitting way to remember loved ones...or maybe a photo of your dad placed somewhere again either at the ceremony or reception...

When I got married by gran bought my wedding dress but sadly never got to see it ....I had a photo of me taken wearing my dress but standing looking at photo of her at my parents house shortly before we left for the church....it kind of makes me think that in some ways she saw me in my wedding dress before all the others did...

A cleverly positioned photo of your dad in the background of one of your pictures may be something you could consider...

or a favourite hymn or piece of music during the service...maybe even something that was sung or played at your parents wedding... or a reading that he liked...all things that potentially wont be picked up by the other guests but will mean something to significant people at your wedding.

These are all beautiful ideas, thanks very much.

I am also thinking of having photos of OH and me as kids on display, this could include family photos too.

Luckyred

I cant think of anything else other than what has been suggested but i think that having your dads wedding ring tied to your bouquet is a really lovely idea. Its a beautiful way to honour your dad by having something from his wedding day close to you on your special day.
You may have a photo or something else for all to see which is good but the ring will be a very personal thing between you and your dad.

abi-em-mum83

Thanks all for your lovely replies, and some great ideas!
I am walking down the aisle myself, after my bridesmaids, I could of had my younger brother but he has learning disabilities and really doesn't want the pressure (Im not upset at this, I know his limitations and I respect he would feel too upset), I could of had my mum but I don't want someone walking me down the aisle just for the sake of it, it would feel wrong. I don't need anyone taking his place to walk me down the aisle as I know he'll be at my side. My older sister is doing the speech instead of my dad, and I know she'll do a fab job! The table names are a nod to h2b and my dads love of Formula 1. And when h2b raises a toast to my dad during the speech the both of us will do it with a Mcewens (his favourite tipple). I have a multi-aperture frame at home with pictures of my dad, grandparents and a close cousin who have passed, Im thinking of putting this on the cake table next to a memorial candle, as a nod to those close who are no longer with us, without it being too over the top or morbid.
If I was planning this wedding alone I wouldnt be having a traditional day of walking down aisles and speeches etc, so there isnt that blaring reminder he's not there. It also doesnt help that since he died his 2 brothers, their wives and kids have pretty much ignored me (I have no idea why may I add!) so the only family there will be my mum, brother,sister,niece and nana! But then I have to remember I was his little princess, and he would hate the thought of me losing out on a special day just because he's not there in body, he loved a good party!

sunshine2223

Some lovely suggestions in this thread, I've been trying to think of ways to incorporate loved ones who are unable to attend (my Nan has been unwell for some time) or who have passed away (both my Grandad's and my OH's Nan) and I really like some of the ideas that I hadn't thought of.

I'm hoping to incorporate some photos and some jewellery and one of my Grandad's army medals in some way.

OP, love the table names idea

74jax

abi-em-mum83 wrote: »

, he loved a good party!

Aw that is how I remember my Granda, and a close friend who died a year ago.

You are right, you know him best and if you feel he would't want you to miss out then I think all your sentiments to him on your day will help you feel you are incorporating him.

Curious_George_2

74jax wrote: »

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3355270 i've hunted out this thread if it helps?

yup, that thread was about my table,
my tribute pictures were printed on velum (like tracing paper) and had a battery powered tea light behind them,
it was tucked away in the corner but everybody saw it and said how beautiful and effective it was and i loved how it brought our loved ones to the day without making a big morbid fuss of the whole thing.

My bouquet was also split in 2 and one half went to the couple who had been married longest (instead of tossing it to the singles) and the other half went on my best friends grave the day after the wedding xxx

not the best pic but you can see what i mean...

clearing_out_my_pockets

Although our parents are still with us, between the two of us we only have two grandparents left and both of us have lost uncles / aunts. During the ceremony, one of our friends said a prayer that we'd written in rememberance of 'those who were unable to join us on our special day". Neither of my grandfathers met my husband and I still miss them so much. The prayer was enough to turn me into a blubbering wreck. I also have my grandmother's engagement ring (although she's still alive) which I wear on my right hand as a reminder of my grandfather.

Personally, I wouldn't have been able to deal with a more prominent reminder.

Mrsanders

Sorry if it comes out big, my first picture! We had a table set up too to remember my dad, sister, nan and grandad. I really missed my dad on the day of the wedding and my mum gave me away, she really hates everyone looking at her but she was the only person I felt could come anywhere close to taking dad's place that day and she agreed to do it an long as she didn't have to make a speech. I had ordered an extra buttonhole which would have been dad's and attatched it to my bouquet and after the church service I went to the cemetary to take it to his grave before we went onto the reception. My uncle also mentioned them all in his speech. I also wore my nans engagement ring which was passed onto my mum as my something old and borrowed

curlylou1986

Hi all,
thouhgt i would share what we did -
I lost my dad when i was little and being 7 months pregnant on our wedding day i was an emotional wreak as it was! I wanted to have a way of it being not too obvious - i had never spoken to most of OH family about my dad, and could only assume that my mil/fil would have said at some point to them if it was mentioned.
My dad was an only child, and only his mum - my nanna is still with us, there isnt really any other close family so i couldnt ask others to help from his side of the family.
My mum who is very very shy said she would walk me down the aisle and said she couldnt do a speech as would be too nervous. So we agreed for her to write some bits down and my uncle would read out and add some of his own to it. It turned out that my mum decided she wanted to speak and felt it was her place and she did amazingly!!
we had this set up on a table -


We also had a dvd playing with lots of pictures on it which included ones of my dad and other family members that we had lost.

I brought a small photo charm and had this tied underneath my flowers - http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/SWAROVSKI-CRYSTAL-bouquet-photo-frame-HEART-charm-/260880259820?pt=UK_Home_Garden_Celebrations_Occasions_ET&hash=item3cbdacdaec

I also ordered a few extra button holes so that after the wedding i took one for my dad on his grave.
I was going to have my dads wedding ring tied also to my flowers but my mums house was broken into and all gold taken but that was something else i was going to do to encorperate him.

When the toasts were being done i had a small glass of guinness as that was my dads drink and hubby had a certain ale that his grandad used to drink.

I am sure there are little things like that that you could use. It was hard and very difficult - and when i was waiting outside of the registry office room with my bridesmaids and my mum i was in tears and they were all too, but as soon as i saw my hubby smiling at me i felt so happy and excited that missing my dad wasnt a forfront of my mind. There were tears all day, and lots of times where family mentioned him being proud etc, and we had a little tear and a hug together - weddings are emotional as it is even with all family members being presesnt. You will have a fantastic day though - i am pleased with the way i was able to encorperate my dad into my wedding day still - some others may not have even realised those things, but me and hubby did and that was comforting