Urgent help please

tori.k

Will keep it short.

My MIL (74) took a bit of a tumble at home, called a paramedic they checked her out and wanted to take her into hospital as she is already part-paralysed from a major stroke and has lost all her mobilty due to her fall, she has refused and they can't force her to go, but told me to contact the emergency doc and get him out, this will take a few hours.
What can you do with someone that refusing care she has the onset of dementia but is having a good day and just being stubborn, she can't get out of the chair she is sat on. i cannot stay the night to care for her, and she cannot come to us due the layout of our house. help where do we go from here?

McKneff

Keep persevering and try to persuade her to go to hospital

Cry if you have to ............

tori.k

Thanks Mckneff problem now sorted as the doctor managed to talk her into it, so we just have the long wait for an ambulance..now just have to face the really hard issue that she's going to need more permanent care putting in place..she gonna love that idea

clemmatis

Thank goodness it -- the immediate problem -- was solved, anyway. I know the rest won't be easy.

paulsad

Its horrible - I empathise completely, my mum was only 74 living with my dad aged 90, I write the following from my experience, its grim but I hope it helps...

My mum was similar as her dementia worstened - she could convince all the nurses and young doctors, she was fine and able to look after herself, she bathed regularly etc. But she wasn't, she never bathed, she set fire to herself cooking chips, we removed her chip pan, bought her oven chips, she assured us she'd never fry chips again, a week later we walked in and there she was cooking chips in a saucepan with red hot oil. She'd scream in pain when at home but miraculously the pain would disappear when at hospital she wanted to return home to look after herself as soon as she was on her way back home the pain would return, my dad couldn't cope; he's 90, couldn't lift her up to take her to the toilet; I'd shout and feel guilty.
I had to be so firm and make her go into a care home, you must do the same, there comes a point when you really can't cope (we both work, couldn't be there all the time, my wife did as much as she could, she's an angel, more of a real loving daughter even though I was the real son), eventually my mum broke her foot whilst in a care home ( a slippy floor, they didn't really care) - went to hospital and died there (again they didn't really help, a botched operation and no real help with her being in their eyes "awkward"). It was horrible and I feel so much guilt but what the hell can any of us do without limitless resources?
If I have any advice from my experience its to do the best you can, make sure as much as possible if your mum goes to a care home, its the best you can find, if she changes room and you notice a slippy bathroom floor, complain about it, I didn't much to my eternal guilt. Tell her you love her. Visit as much as you can.
I wish you all the very best.

Marg

Tori.k - Sorry to read of your predicament - whilst she is in hospital, as early as you can, speak to the Social Work department, to enlist their help, so that you have some time to make any arrangements that need making before she is discharged.

tori.k

Thank you all,
she had a comfortable night, hip's not broken but she has a water infection she can stand but cannot walk this is unlikely to change as she is already paralysed down her left side so cannot lift herself to the toilet, they are assesing her while she is still in hospital but she is still determined that she is coming home, daily home help is out as she now needs 24hr care. so i guess we have to go down the mental capacity act route.
She is a wonderful amazing woman..but stubborn as an old goat and i cant get her to see that she would have a better life is she will consider a care home as i could take her out or we could do something rather then me just coming running in to make her lunch or do her housework

blossomhill_2

What a difficult situation for you - the water infection will be making her less rational so the dementia may not in fact be as bad as it seems but she clearly needs a long term solution, and as paulsad has demonstrated, care homes are not always as caring a place as they should be so you will need to stay involved
I hope things work out well for you all

pineapple

This is very non pc I'm afraid so please don't shout at me. But often the best way to get people with dementia to accept care is direct from hospital. It can be put as 'rehab' which is not too far from the truth as every home should have a trial period. Usually people settle. It would be a good idea to look up 'continuing care' at this point as it is a means by which the tab is picked up by health services.
Contact CareAware or Alzheimers Society for advice or pm me.

McKneff

pineapple wrote: »

This is very non pc I'm afraid so please don't shout at me. But often the best way to get people with dementia to accept care is direct from hospital. It can be put as 'rehab' which is not too far from the truth as every home should have a trial period. Usually people settle. It would be a good idea to look up 'continuing care' at this point as it is a means by which the tab is picked up by health services.
Contact CareAware or Alzheimers Society for advice or pm me.

No one is ever going to shout at you if the advice is well meant.
you made some good points.

lallysmum

My mother, who I have cared for for the last 10 years, is currently in hospital recovering from pneumonia. She has lots of breathing and dementia related problems as well. I asked the nurses to arrange a social services assessment which they did yesterday. SS are now arranging a care home for mum to be discharged to tomorrow, mainly because they all agree mum is too much for me to handle alone and she won't accept outside help in the home setting.
Yesterday she was fully prepared to go into a home, last night she wasn't. I have ended up virtually begging her to at least try it for me, which currently she is prepared to do..no idea if she'll change her mind between now and then though.
Ask for a SS referral from her nurses, they will sort it and at the very least you/she should get a care package.
Good luck with everything, it's such a horrible position to be in.