Advice greatly appreciated, worried about my partner who just got home

minirolo2004

Hi OP

As a serving member myself, I'll just give a few comments.

Despite the Rethink programme and the TRIM (Trauma Risk), the latter being the most well known I think, I believe the stigma of asking for help when you get home can be tough. I didn't particularly have a nasty job when I went to Afghan, but, when I got home, my tolerance levels were extremely low, I was snappy and generally wanted to be on my own. I wish I'd gotten help then, but, I really thought nothing was wrong.:o I have been back once since, and, 3 years after my first det, I finally sought some help from a TRIM advisor (who is normally a collegue) after having one of my best friends beg me to get help, because I wasn't the 'same'.

I can sympathise that it is difficult to talk to him and, please, talk to the respective welfare service it will help you and then hopefully in turn, help him.

Best of luck and sending hugs your way!

Rolo

brapp

Hi all, would just like to say a massive thanks for all the replies & sorry it has taken so long - I've been away!

I have taken everything on board & things are getting better, communication is the important thing & I realise that now more than ever. He is struggling, not hugely but I'm supporting him and I'm sure things will be fine. :j

brapp

mrsmsport wrote: »

Brapp,
This is my opinion, I dont know if its PTS or something more serious but I thought I'd write this anyway, I hope it gives you some understanding.
Until quite recently my partner and I were in the forces together, during later years we had a child aswell.
When you go out of area things are very different. Despite really missing my boy I really really enjoyed tours because you get to see old buddies that you havent seen for ages, if the situation is arduous you all get stuck in together, !!!!!ing about it all together, great team work.
Often you will forget whats back at home and when the time comes to return, you really look forward to it.
Unfortunately what I always found was there was an anti-climax. Yes some "combat stress" but to be honest if you're not getting aimed at this wouldnt affect me.
I found the forces unsupportive and we have to deal with things alone, its as if you fight your job aswell for them. They dont care (well they didnt when I was in)
The time off didnt go well, changes in each other, changes in the home, the routine. I hated it! We didnt get intimate as often as I wanted (or didnt want it) and theres not to much going on in your days and evenings, it can be boring. You begin to resent your partner for not being all those people who you had a laugh with. And you cant talk about things because they weren't there!
Things eventually settle down. In your case Christmas is coming and this might change things between you.
We've had really hard times in our marriage like anyone, but are lucky enough to just get on with it.
I have lots to say, maybe you could PM me. I'd like to help x

Also, thanks for this post in particular... it makes so much sense :beer:

LilyMae_2

Hi,

I'm so sorry to hear about the tough time you are having, my son came back from Iraq having had a very difficult six months, a few years back. I contacted Combat Stress when I realised he was having a very hard time adjusting to being back. They were and are an amazing organisation, and completly confidential.

They arranged to come and talk to him, and continued to do so for many months, both at home and in the pub! He was lucky and has made a very good recovery from PTSD, it still appears from time to time but he at least is able to talk about it. My son was very young at 19, to be in a war zone with very little support when he came home, and unable to talk about the things he had seen and done, because no one could understand.

But please contact Combat Street they will be able to help you both.

LilyMae

bionic_banjo

Have PM'd you x

Shevchenko01

brapp wrote: »

Hi,

Regular poster here but thought it best to create a new account... my partner wouldn't like me talking about this but I need to do something.

In short my partner is just back from his second tour in Afghanistan and whilst none of the jobs out there are exactly pleasant his really isn't. It took him a while to get back into his routine last time, as expected and I think I did ok in supporting him but not being too over the top.

This time I am really struggling and I am worried about him and to be honest at the moment am not sure there will be an 'us' this time next month.

I don't live on base with him but when I am seeing him he can be very snappy, he constantly promises to do things but never follows through and to be honest can be rather hurtful with some of the comments he is making. He seems much better with other people but it's like he is pushing me away.

Please don't take this post as selfish, I want to help him but I really do not know how. Are there any members of the forces or family members that have got through this rocky stage that can give any advice or any sites I can go to for support? None of my friends or family understand, they just think yay he's home & everything is fine. I don't know if he is getting help from the military, I think he did last time but he just doesn't talk about it and I feel I'm scared to rock the boat right now.

Thanks

I found that after coming back home after being away nearly 12 months in total was very difficult. That was because we had BOTH changed - we had got used to life without each otherand it has been a long hard struggle to get back to where we were.

There are always organisations available, from the Padre to external charities with all in between. What I will say is that do whatever needs to be done together as it's "your" (as in you two as a couple) problem and "you two" who need to get through this - and you might find that some of the change in attitude is frrom you personally (though I'm not saying it is).

Good luck.