Advice greatly appreciated, worried about my partner who just got home

brapp

Hi,

Regular poster here but thought it best to create a new account... my partner wouldn't like me talking about this but I need to do something.

In short my partner is just back from his second tour in Afghanistan and whilst none of the jobs out there are exactly pleasant his really isn't. It took him a while to get back into his routine last time, as expected and I think I did ok in supporting him but not being too over the top.

This time I am really struggling and I am worried about him and to be honest at the moment am not sure there will be an 'us' this time next month.

I don't live on base with him but when I am seeing him he can be very snappy, he constantly promises to do things but never follows through and to be honest can be rather hurtful with some of the comments he is making. He seems much better with other people but it's like he is pushing me away.

Please don't take this post as selfish, I want to help him but I really do not know how. Are there any members of the forces or family members that have got through this rocky stage that can give any advice or any sites I can go to for support? None of my friends or family understand, they just think yay he's home & everything is fine. I don't know if he is getting help from the military, I think he did last time but he just doesn't talk about it and I feel I'm scared to rock the boat right now.

Thanks

nearlyrich

Have a hug it's not easy living with someone who snaps at you all the time, he has a tough job but that is no excuse for him treating you badly. I am sure there will be people along who know what help is available for partners of armed forces, if you believe in the relationship I hope you can get it sorted.

Naval_Families_Federation

Good morning Brapp,

I am sorry to hear that your partner is experiencing some issues upon his return from Ops. Each Service has a welfare organisation that can help in this situation. If your partner is in the Royal Navy or Royal Marines you can contact the Naval Personal and Family Service & Royal Marines Welfare (NPFS&RMW) organisation. They will speak to the serving person or their family. They will provide you with all the support and information available.



There are three different NPFS&RMW offices, you should make contact with the office closest to where the Serving person is based. The details are as follows:
Eastern office – Portsmouth – 02392 724 152/ 726 158
Western office – Plymouth – 01752 569 696
Northern office – Helensburgh – 01436 679 526

If you e-mail your postal address to me at: [EMAIL="info@nff.org.uk"]info@nff.org.uk[/EMAIL] I can send you out a DVD and booklet on this subject.



If your partner is in the Army or RAF you can contact the appropriate Families Federation for guidance on their welfare organisation:
Army Families Federation: http://www.aff.org.uk/
RAF Families Federation: http://www.raf-ff.org.uk/


All the best.

Kind regards,

The NFF Team.

spike7451

it sounds to me like PTSD,your best bet would be to contact the families officer & combat stress.A lot of us serving & ex-servicemen bottle thing up to the point it explodes.
The are a lot of organisations out there who can offer help to you & your partner.He will probably shrug it off & go on as normal & ignore the signs.He's also probably scared as well,that he might do or say something he'll regret.
If you are in the Aldershot area,drop me a PM & I can put you in direct contact with the SSAFA rep there,he's a friend of mine & a good chap (for a ex-para!lol)
If you would like,I'll pass the link on to this thread to a couple of people who may be able to offer help & advice,just let me know.

I've put a couple of links below to websites & the Facebook page that will help.

http://www.facebook.com/CombatStress?ref=ts&sk=wall
http://www.combatstress.org.uk/

http://www.facebook.com/SSAFAFH?ref=ts

Alias_Omega

It has taken a few attempts to write this post.

I have seen a close friends split from their partner upon returning from an deployment. They had relationship problems before the deployment. Upon returning to the UK, the problems still existed . Nothing had changed, so he decided to call it a day.

This was not PTSD, he had just "had enough" of things.

brapp

Thanks for all the replies, some very useful information.

I am going to speak with him and see what comes of it, fingers crossed we can get through this!

tiff65

As well as all the good advice you've already had on here, there is now a new 24/7 helpline for service personnel or their families. It's run by Combat Stress and Rethink, and is a way to get some advice in confidence if you think the issues are to do with mental health/trouble readjusting from operations. This service also sits outside the chain of command so can be used by anyone with no career 'comebacks' on the service person. The number is 0800 138 1619, or there is a Text service on 07537 404 719. The Rethink/Combat Stress website has some useful factsheets too.

Gonzo33

I cannot add more than the above, but wanted to wish you both well. If it is PTSD I hope your OH gets the help they need.

Tiddlywinks

It can take a while to "fit" back into normal life in the UK - after some of the stuff on tour, normality can seem trivial. Things that seem big to you may seem less important to your OH - particularly if he has seen someone injured or lost during the tour.

How were the two of you before he left? Were things good or were there things that weren't working? If he is OK with others, could it be that you two are not meant to be together and that he has had a bit of thinking time whilst he's been away?

Best of luck...

Dorisx

My OH has done 2 tours now, although not operational so somewhat different to yours.

I have no clue really about PTSD so I wont talk about that.

How was he on his RnR? Did he seem the same then as he is now?
How was your relationship whilst he was away?
Did he call you whenever he could? Write to you whenever he could?

I'm just asking these questions because if he was calling you whenever he could and he was writing to you ect then it gives more hope that he thought alot about you whilst he was there and he has/had no intentions of the relationship finishing.

Maybe you need to have a really good talk to him about what he wants and why he is treating you the way he is. Try not to push about info about what happened in Afgan ect because alot of soldiers dont like to talk about it - just try and find out from him why he is being the way he is!

Best of luck to you both!xx

spike7451

Sorry,I forgot about the link below....

This is a forum for families/wives & girlfriends of servicemen,May I suggest you register on there as I'm sure the are people on there who are/have gone thru the same as you.

Best of luck.

http://www.rearparty.co.uk/