Friend problems, am i being a bridezilla??

sugarwalsh

Sorry, but I think you are being a little bridezillaish! I had to change my chosen date because my brother was going away to his FIL birthday in Canada. Nothing had been booked, but there had been talk of it for a long time, apparently. So, we changed the date and one of my best friends now can't come due to already being asked to attend a wedding on the other side of the country. I was gutted, but at no point did I ask her to choose or make it difficult for her. In fact, I have asked her to come and see my dress, which I haven't shown anyone, so she doesn't feel left out. I know she would have preferred to come to ours, but these things happen sometimes. I would feel terrible if my friend felt pressurised into making a decision between friends.

As for my brother - they are now NOT going!! I'vetold him to go into hiding the weekend we should have been having our wedding...

Megan

System

It's hard if your best friend has to leave early ...but, as she is a good friend I am sure you wouldn't want her to feel pressured..yes it may be a bit early but she will have been there for the important bit, there's nothing worse than trying to pack two important events in, trying to please as many people as possible and not enjoying any of it because you feel rushed.

maybe there is something she's already arranged to do in the evening and feels bad about telling you as it's not as 'important' as your wedding... like a date? or family commitment of some kind.

I think it's in the nature of long friendships, that as you get older they drift a little bit when seperated by miles and different circumstances...the main thing is to know the friendship is still there and 'pick up where you left off' whenever you can get together.

Beetle_lover

Bennifred wrote: »

That's her perogative, I'm afraid. I do hope you and your other friends aren't going to make her feel bad over this!

of course not but we are very honest with each other so they will give their true opinion if she asks for it

aliasojo

Beetle_lover wrote: »

to be honest i think that a lot of the tension comes from the fact she seems to be putting her 'new friends' first on a lot of things lately so its kind of been building for a while. i miss her as recently she's been cancelling a lot and also doing the whole leaving early thing.

That's life though, people grow and evolve. Nothing stays the same and whilst you obviously want her to be there with you for your whole wedding, I think you need to accept that maybe for her, things are changing a little?

Bennifred wrote: »

That's her perogative, I'm afraid. I do hope you and your other friends aren't going to make her feel bad over this!

I agree.

OP it's been a long time since I got married (and divorced, lol) but from what I remember, I only saw each person for a short while as there was so much 'mingling' going on.

I know you think you will miss her when she leaves the wedding early, but on the day you wont, I promise.

JOHN1982

I've just seen your other post about your 5 bridesmaids, who are also best friends of yours.

How many more of your best friends are coming that aren't involved in the wedding party?

Is there any chance this friend could be feeling a bit left out?

Beetle_lover

JOHN1982 wrote: »

I've just seen your other post about your 5 bridesmaids, who are also best friends of yours.

How many more of your best friends are coming that aren't involved in the wedding party?

Is there any chance this friend could be feeling a bit left out?

no, there is 10 of us, 4 being bridesmaids leaving 6 not, the 5th girl is from a different group of friends.

im not making her choose by the way, I've never said that.

Torry_Quine

She will be there for the important part of the day, the wedding as well as the wedding breakfast. As others have said the fact she is leaving after the first dance is a minor point and you will have plenty of other people to see.

GoToGal

Beetle_lover wrote: »

to be honest i think that a lot of the tension comes from the fact she seems to be putting her 'new friends' first on a lot of things lately so its kind of been building for a while. i miss her as recently she's been cancelling a lot and also doing the whole leaving early thing.

^^^ You've answered your own question. It's not about her leaving early, it's about your evolving relationship. You're worried you are losing your close friend, that she is pulling away from you. Could you two have a sit down alone and talk through how you both feel about your relationship?

GTG

sugarwalsh

I know you are not asking her to choose, but if you raise the issue with her then you will be. Try and focus on the fact that she is there for all the important parts. I expect she feels guilty for leaving so early, try not to make her feel any worse.

Plus, the amount of times I say I'm leaving somewhere early and then end up being the last one standing is laughable, you may found she is the same!

Megan

clearing_out_my_pockets

I can understand how you feel, but be grateful that she's been honest with you. On our wedding day, my aunt and godmother (who I have been extremely close to over the years - I was the daughter she never had) left after the main course of the wedding breakfast. She didn't even stay for the speeches. She came over (without he husband - my godfather) to the top table and said that the food had disagreed with her and she had an upset stomach so they had to go. She didn't even speak to my husband. When another of my aunts came to the evening, she said "Has X left for her friend's daughter's engagement party already? I was hoping to catch her before she left". I felt like I'd been slapped. I haven't spoken to my godmother since.