Friend problems, am i being a bridezilla??

Beetle_lover

I'm lucky enough to be 27 and still have a great group of friends from school, we have known each other for about 15 years and we are all very close.

do to jobs/partners/uni etc we are now all spread across the county and in some cases world! we still manage to find time to see each other though.

basically one of my friends told me that one of the other girls had said they had another wedding the same month and so maybe i should ask about it. i did and my friend replied saying she had another wedding the next day...about 200 miles away.

she's a really busy person and have known her numerous times before go on a night out and drive for 4 hours the next day to get to another event.
so i thought this was the case but no.

she's decided to leave after my first dance........im absolutely gutted and really quite upset. there was no I'm sorry or i have no other choice just this is what I'm doing. i now live 200 miles from where i grew up so could easily be in the same situation but i would stop drinking earlyish and drive in the morning. the wedding the next day is about 1.5 hours drive away from mine. how early will these people be getting married??

am i a terrible person for being upset about this? apparently she is upset but when people try and talk to her about it she just won't really give any reasons to why she has to leave that early and ignores other options. i feel 2nd best, especially since this seems to happen a lot lately. i just know seeing all the photos of her having fun at her other friends whole wedding will upset me.

any thoughts?? am i being a bad person? got to face her in a few weeks and i don't know what to say.

RainbowDrops

I can see both sides of the story - just consider that you'll have loads of people still there, and you can't talk to everyone all at once, so I'm sure you won't miss one person who leaves early.

At least she's coming & told you her plans in advance.

Justengaged

I don't think you're being a bad person, it's perfectly natural to feel upset about this.

I would say it's abit early to leave if it's straight after your first dance. If she could maybe wait about an hour perhaps, see how she feels about that, that way you can have a giggle and then when she leaves you can still talk to your other friends and family - they'll be loads of people looking to talk to you and the groom so you may not have spent alot of time with her anyway as everyone else will want your attention.

I can see her predicament though, it must be tough being split between two friends. I wouldn't let it ruin your friendship though, perhaps she'll stay on a tiny bit longer and then she can still have enough time to make it to her other friends wedding as well.

mummyroysof3

im sorry but yes i think you are.she is attending the wedding and some of reception..i think its a bit off to dictate when a guest can leave.it sounds like she trying her best to attend both and im sure on the day it wont matter one bit as long as you and groom are there.

Beetle_lover

yes i can see her side of it too, its a rubbish situation to be in but there is other ways around it.

mummyroysof3 i think your missing the point that this is one of my best friends, not just anyone.

Rikki

I had a similar situation a few years back. I had two family weddings to attend one the day after the other. One my cousins the other my brother.

I went to the cousins wedding and left at 7pm just as the evening do was starting. I then had a two hour drive to my home. The next day I picked up my two boys and drove to my brothers wedding an hour and a half away. I again left around 7pm and had a hour drive to drop my Mum home and then two hours back to mine the following day.

I had to travell between the weddings, I had to get dressed and get to both weddings and drive home from both. To say I was exhausted afterwards is an understatement.

I would be happy she is spending time at your wedding, sharing the service, speeches, the reasons for marrying. Also she is showing her commitment to friends by going to both weddings. Imagine how she would have felt in both were on the same day and she'd had to choose.

Be happy, enjoy your day, make sure you see her before she leaves and thank her for being there.

Bennifred

OP, I understand why you are upset, but I think you shouldn't dwell on it. Your friend will be there for the bulk of your wedding (and the most important part) - don't let her leaving early spoil your day or your friendship. What is important, after all? It's all about you and your husband - anyone else is an extra! If you didn't know already, you may not have even noticed that she'd gone! And it isn't up to you to dictate how she organises her life....
Are you sure you aren't a little bit resentful that she has another friend she may rate a highly as she does you?

ellay864

I can understand why you're upset but I'm sorry, I do think you're being a bit too hard on her. She is coming to your wedding, she's attending part of the reception. There's every chance you wouldn't spend that much time actually talking to her at the reception - I was only saying today how I wished I'd had more chance to talk to a lot of my friends more at mine 2 weeks ago, but the reality is that you'll have loads of other people you'll be busy with.
You said she has a 1.5 hour drive to the wedding the next day...well in all fairness it isn't just the time of the drive. She'll be having to get up and get ready which all adds to the time as well. Maybe she has a hotel to book into, whatever the case she won't want to just arrive last minute, she'll need time to be ready. If yours was the second wedding how would you feel if she only just made it as she'd had a late night the night before! And maybe they are getting married early - I married at 12 so anyone coming to mine with a 1.5 hour drive would have been leaving home by 10.30 which means a fairly early start.
You've implied that she should stay all day at your wedding and the evening party but not drink so she can leave early. I think that part is incredibly selfish of you tbh. I think your friend has considered both you and her other wedding (presumbaly also somebody she's close to if she's going to the daytime) and has taken a course which means she can attend both. I'm sure on the day you wont even notice as you'll have these other friends plus all your family there, it won't spoil your day (and you'd be daft to let it!). Please don't let this be awkward between you - it really isn't worth that if you have such a longstanding friendship

Rockaway_BabyDoll

Think of it like this: as a bride, as much as you would like to, you can't please everyone. Planning is stressful. Often family/friends/those involved in the service don't agree with your choices and decisions.

From a guest's point of view, it can be stressful (and bloody expensive) too! Travel (petrol/train/even planes), outfit, gifts, accommodation, even just time if the person has a hectic life or job. For example, I was invited to a family member's hen night and told it costs £200 up front - for WHAT exactly I wasn't even told, except that there would be a one-night hotel stay even though I only live a couple of miles away from the event.

I would be a bit, "ooooooooh that's a shame, but nevermind " if this happened to me. I think the fact she's not chosen one wedding over the other when it must be a hassle to attend both consecutively says a lot about her and that she values your friendship.

Also think about HOW MANY PEOPLE (and others she classes as her best friends) your friend probably knows, so how many weddings she may limit herself to attending. I can barely afford one a year and will not feel guilty/be made to feel guilty for not being able to attend others. I think you should be flattered that she's trying to be at yours and she shouldn't have to explain herself or even apologise. Maybe she doesn't want to be knackered for the second wedding? 90 minutes is quite a drive and maybe she doesn't want to risk looking dishevelled for the second wedding?

Don't take it personally. As already said, it's yours and your groom's day. Anything/everyone else is just a bonus.

Beetle_lover

thanks everyone, i really do appreciate the honest answers. its nice to get points of view from outsiders as my friends are quite split over it.

to be honest i think that a lot of the tension comes from the fact she seems to be putting her 'new friends' first on a lot of things lately so its kind of been building for a while. i miss her as recently she's been cancelling a lot and also doing the whole leaving early thing.

i know that there will be loads of people there but these are my number 1's

I'm watching bridezillas weekend at the mo, at least I'm not as crazy as these women lol

Bennifred

Beetle_lover wrote: »

thanks everyone, i really do appreciate the honest answers. its nice to get points of view from outsiders as my friends are quite split over it.

to be honest i think that a lot of the tension comes from the fact she seems to be putting her 'new friends' first on a lot of things lately so its kind of been building for a while. i miss her as recently she's been cancelling a lot and also doing the whole leaving early thing...............................

That's her perogative, I'm afraid. I do hope you and your other friends aren't going to make her feel bad over this!